[Solved] Shared Parenting and residency

Hi Chris,

I'm afraid I'm inclined to agree with the opinion that your solicitor has given - I can't see that a court would agree to every weekend as that means that your ex has no time with them at weekends. I would be more inclined to go for one day each weekend if you want contact every weekend. Alternatively go for the alternative weekends that your ex is suggesting, and add in a full week during each of the school holidays.

At the moment, your ex does seem to be accomodating to some extent - if you pursue every weekend through the court, she may become less so. However, since you are still communicating reasonably well, the first step you need to take is to go to mediation - it's possible that you can both come to some agreement without having to go any further.

Hi Chris,

I'm afraid I'm inclined to agree with the opinion that your solicitor has given - I can't see that a court would agree to every weekend as that means that your ex has no time with them at weekends.

Thanks for the response, it's precisely the above way of thinking I'd be trying to steer the court away from. They live with their mother atm, does that mean they currently have no time with me?

I appreciate what you are saying and your frankness. but i'm going to try for my kids sake.

Quality time and routine includes bedtimes, tucking my kids in and waking up to them in the morning. Things they are currently denied.
My argument is, it doesn't mean they can't spend time with their mother at the weekends it means they can live with both parents. Just as now they spend time with me but live at their mums.

If I was a millionaire I'd be pushing for a week with each parent and basically provide two sets of everything they need. But i'm not and I have to work.

The Solicitor has written to the ex to try and get feedback and an agreement that she has consented to alternate weekends. The solicitor is also offering a suggestion of 3 out of 4 weekends they live with me as a last ditch comprimise, which i'm sure will be rejected.

As for the ex being accomodating, I was denied contact over christmas and it only resumed when she received letters from my solicitor and caved into reason from friends and family. There is no trust between us, hence a court order is desirable as it will preserve, well that's the hope, the childrens access to both their parents. It will also hopefully prevent her from messing around with arrangements, as she has tried to in the past.

Maybe i'm trying to set a precident, but after alot of soul searching and reading up on shared residency and parenting I'm going to go for it. I'm a dad and just because their mother and I don't get on, they shouldn't have to suffer for it.

And i've tried mediation, she's refused it.

Hi

I get as much contact as I can handle, because my daughters mother does not cope very well with the stress of parenting.
The one thing that can get in the way is when the legal systen puts both parents against each other. I too felt the need to go to court in the early days. But it was just being a good parent that got me more contact. I would also like the money devided ie shared care, but I will need to think about that in the not too distant future.

Hi Chris,

OK, your solicitor will no doubt advise you and the best way to proceed - having your ex refuse mediation may help you a little as it immediately makes the court wonder why, as does the fact that you have made, not unreasonable suggestions about contact (my opinion above was based purely on what I expect a court to agree to) which will - you expect - be refused. In which case, I would go for contact every weekend, as you want, but put in writing to the court that you would be prepared to accept 3 weekends out of 4 - that way the court see that you aren't just digging your feet in, and it gives them a bit of leeway.

Just an update. Finding a decent job has been a knightmare, Got an interview with the probation service tmmrw for the post of Probation Officer, Fingers Crossed.

I've put in an application for shared residency on the basis of at least 2 nights a week, non specified, which I can easily do and will fit around any work I finally get. The solicitor has been very positive and I strongly feel it's the right thing to do.

I disagree strongly with the idea of 'contact' I'm a parent and that's what I do with my children, so I've gone for residency as I believe every child should have a happy home with their parents. If that means 2 homes so be it. Initial hearing is on the 18th July. Initially the ex didn't lash out when she was served the papers but on Tuesday she phoned with a torrent of abuse. I hung up, she called again and spoke the words 'you better listen if you want to see your kids again'. I cannot communicate with someone who talks like that and hung up. She tried calling again and I ignored it and deleted 2 voicemail mesages from her without listening to them. In hindsight I should have listened to them, I just couldn't handle the abuse and threat.

Yesturday, which is a normal day for me to pick up my son from school and spend the evening with my kids, I had a lovely afternoon at my sons sportsday. Afterwards I went around and waited to collect him as per the usual. He didn't come out. On enquiring with the school I found out his mother had pulled him out early and taken him away. As her house is just down the road and I'd normally go there to pick up my daughter I drove past. Her car was gone. I phoned her to ask what was going on and all she'd say was that she had James and alternate arrangements had been made. She wouldn't speak any more. I sent a message with a polite enquiry as to when I can next see my kids. No response. Is this now a denial of contact? What do I do now? Court is still a few weeks off. Normally I'd pick up both kids from the ex on Sat and return them Sun. Do I try to get hold of her before and find out what's going on? Or do I just turn up on Saturday to collect them as usual and go from there?

Arrangement had been working for a few months now with no problem. Now this, I don't get it and can't see how it's better for my children. A friend said she seems to hate me more than she loves the kids. I never thought that possible but am starting to believe it!

I love my kids dearly and hate having to go without seeing them everyday. They clearly miss me and now this. Why? Why would any mother mess their children around and disprupt stability and security of contact like this?

Bit of advice...keep any recorded message, any text message and any letters / emails you receive....
Seriously you need to do it, my ex decided she didn't like how things were going with me looking better through Cafcass contact and contact centre contacts and has had the police give me verbal hrassment warnings after i contacted her via text about the house sale and dog...she agreed in court that was the only allowed contact between us!!
what she fails to think is that i keep every text message and email we have exchanged since november last year and can prove i'm not the harasser.
The problem i do have though is getting the police to actually investigate this and then issue her with the warning not to waste police time and harassing me by using them over false allegations of harassment!
my complaint is now being addressed by the Professional Standards Directorate - Police Complaints dept. so hopefully they will see the allegations are false and can reverse these on me! fingers crossed.

I agree - you keep absolutely everything possible. I can understand that it's stressful, but it all helps you in court. If you have a phone that has recording capability, then if she rings you, start the recording and as soon as you answer, tell her that the conversation is being recorded and may be produced in court. If she hurls abuse at you, tell her calmly that if she continues, then you will hang up, and then hang up if she does continue.