[Solved] Shared Residence or Sole Residence Application?

Hi Isdad and welcome

The fact that you say you and your ex can usually come to an amicable arrangement really means that your first option should be to look at mediation - court action should only be a last resort, and I don't think you are at that point yet.

Thanks actd,

We've both been to a MIAM meeting already but never together - I'm hoping given some time to cool off and consider the situation we may reach another informal agreement but it's frustrating in the meantime that my daughter is missing out on quality time with her dad and her routine impacted on and there appears nothing I can do.

I'm keen to show that I am not going to be bullied into doing what she wants but also don't want to alienate heer mother even more and risk losing what time I do have with my daughter!?

Potentially though, would a judge look more favourably upon an application for shared residence since it shows you appreciate the other parent and is supposedly best for the child(ren) etc.?

I think that judges are generally going to have an easier time coming to a correct decision if they can see that the parents are not acting to the detriment of each other and trying to act in a way that is best for the children concerned - if one of the parents takes this attitude and the other acts unreasonably, then it certainly is going to have an affect on the judges thought processes.

Thanks actd, and sorry to be a pest but one final question..

I have been my daughter's primary carer for the preceding five months (whilst also working full-time although thankfully my job is flexible which enables me to be there for my little girl). She's ptiched up after this long and decided she's now ready to be a Mum (which I would encourage, depending on the circumstances), but will the court look at the preceding situation or simply focus on the current? Where Mum is now preventing me having access/contact unreasonably despite previous agreements and circumstances?

Perhaps someone can back up what I am saying but I suggest that whatever you do - you do it quickly!

I sincerely believe that mother is trying to change the status quo which was that you were primary carer for 5 months, with no regard for what is best for the child.

If i am mistaken she will try to draw this out as long as possible as about 8-9months should set a new status quo.

Personally, having gone through a contested shared residence order - I really think that you should get through mediation as quickly as possible and should she be dragging her feet you have no option but to go to court.

I would request shared residence but the time heavily in your favour as this reflects the status quo previously - while it is still in your favour.

Personally I would not delay this matter as once it gets to court and directions give you a long date, by the time you go there to do anything your child will have a completely different routine.

Usually I do favour mediating but when one party is actually trying to change the childs circumstances so abruptly and without regard, you need to do something about it and fast. Make the proposal through mediation first and if she tries to delay mediating then go to court. I would also ask for interim shared residence in your favour until the trial date. This way you are not compromising the childs routine and it does give alot more chance of success for mediation or agreement through litigation.

Thats my advice. I am not a lawyer but I am aware of the tricks that can be employed against fathers in court. For the record both parents are integral in the life of a child but someone needs to provide stability for the child.

I hope that someone else can lend their opinion here and I hope that person has a clear understanding of the law.

Hi Isdad, not being a pest at all - that's the whole point of this forum 🙂

I agree with mademan's sentiments above entirely - at the moment you are the primary carer and the children are settled with you (or were until very recently) - six months down the line when your ex has delayed proceedings, the situation will be very different.

Thanks to you both, this is exactly the situation I am trying to prevent - I can only imagine the disruption and impact of the upheaval on my daughter already. I have stated that I wish to find an amicable solution from the outset which most effectively benefits our daughter, and said that I would leave it a week before acting in order to allow the situation to settle and for her mother to reconsider (not the first time this has happened).

I am now faced with two difficult decisions;

> Whilst I am keen not to further inflame the situation, I could simply pick my daughter up from nursery today and withhold access from her mother (which imo would be in our daughter's best interests), police are unlikely to become involved due to civil matter, etc. but from then I appreciate that any potential for compromise will be gone?
> The majority of the evidence I have is only relevant in terms of claiming full custody/sole residence, her mother is by no means horrific but has provided genuine cause for concern in the past. Despite the preceding status quo I am slightly concerned that a claim for shared residence, in the absence of significant evidence, may be seen as frivolous by the court - but a claim for sole residence will also negate any potential for civility/compromise in the future and will only inflame the situation further, potentially even preventing the limited access I have now?

You would be in a stronger position to withhold contact if you did so while applying for residence. As you've spoken to the CCLC previously I believe, I'd have another word with them as to what you can and can't reasonably do, but post back on here what they say.