[Solved] Sons Mum wants me to have residency

Hi there and welcome 🙂

There are no barriers and she can just hand him over.....but!

This is what happened to my son, the mother couldnt cope and gave him up but then after a few days changed her mind. She sent the police but they wouldnt get involved as my son had PR and a Memorandum of Understanding from the Mediation service, which had been obtained a couple of years previously. The mother then applied for an Emergency Residence Order, behind my sons back, but this was denied and my son was summonsed, after three court hearings, reports from police, Social Services, CAFCASS and drug tests, my son was awarded Residency.

I'm not saying this would happen but I would definately get your ex's agreement to formalize the arrangement with a Residence Order. You could explain that it just gives you and your son some security and enables you to fully deal with authorities, schools etc.

Good luck with everything 🙂

...I meant to mention, you wouldn't need a solicitor for this and as its with the mothers consent it would be quite straightforward. It would cost £200 and you would need form C100 to apply to court with. There are two stickys relating to this at the top of the Legal Eagle section, The first is called "Contact Order C100 Guide" and the other is " A Guide to Representing yourself in Court". Both have lots of useful information.

Hi John, this is a massive step for your son if hes been with mum all along and to change schools. Does he want to change ?
. I think you can just do it, then I would arrange too go to court to make it legal , but I would give it a while to settle as Mum and son may change there minds, is Mum not coping ?

Hi,

Thank you both for the advice.
The situation is that she is just not coping, she has no family around to ask for help so I understand that she must find things very difficult at times. I've tried to help by speakingon the phone more often, offering advice (doesnt go down well!!), working on sons behaviour when he is with me (although its fine when he is with me, as i've heard can be the case quite often)
every few months she calls me when she is struggling, and says my son should live here. i've put it down to her just being at the end of her tether but these calls have become much more frequent over the last few months. i ve suggested to her that she gets some 'help' in whatever form that may be, but obviously i'm also concerned for welbing of my son. she tells him she doesnt want him, that hes a horrible child and has ruined her life. I told her this was emotional abuse and she should stop immediately.
its now at the stage where i feel as though he would be better off here, but i'm aware the situation will need to be carefully managed.

it breaks my heart to think that she does not want to care for him anymore, so my instint is to help her first, but would gladly have my son live with me if that is for the best.

Hi John
It does sound like shes crying out for help. As she been to the doctors ? how about if you had your son more , is this possible ? it is very sad her saying these things to your son and out of order, but Im getting the feeling its a massive cry for help and Im sure if he came to live with you she would regret it and want him back after a few days .

Hi again
I can empathise totally with your situation, my grandson was being verbally abused, she would tell him he was horrible and a monster and he got the blame for everything... that then turned into physical abuse and neglect. He was 4 years old... Have you noticed any cleanliness, issues and how is your son in himself, is he quiet or withdrawn or does he want lots of cuddles etc.? My grandson would withdraw and look so sad when we had to take him back to his mothers after contact, and he was such a good little boy... it was heartbreaking. When he first came to live with us he was so thin and pale and his eyes were so sad and dull, to see him now 16 months on you wouldn't recognize him! He's filled out, he's happy and bubbly and his eyes sparkle. He is doing really well at school and he is a joy to be with (he always was!)

It sounds as if you might have made the decision that he should be with you and I agree. If these are the things you know about, there could be more going on that you dont know about. From what you say this situation has been going on and getting worse for some time. If their relationship has deteriorated then it would be best to remove him. This will actually allow for their relationship to get back on track in time....this is the case for my grandson, his mother is much better with him now and she has him every other weekend and once a week after school for tea.

Have you talked to your son about what he wants? Children are very resilient and I'm sure he could cope with change of school. Do you have family close by that could support you and your son? Perhaps christmas could be a good time to make the transition.

I wish you the best of luck with everything and please do keep in touch and keep us updated 🙂