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Hello guys. I am seeking advise in regards to my ex-partner and her destroying evidence which was to be used against her in court, if the situation ever arose.
First some background. We have a 5.5 year old daughter, and a son who has just turned 1. Six weeks after giving birth to my son, my ex (then my partner) was diagnosed with post natal depression & anxiety. She feared touching our son, and symptoms became so bad she stayed overnight at her mothers for 4-6 weeks whilst I cared for our son full time.
If she touched our son she'd have 'episodes' and for sometime afterwards would fully believe she had harmed our son and would scream out what a terrible mother she was. It was horrible witnessing this, in fact as a mother she is fantastic, despite the current problems between us both now, I couldn't imagine having children with a mother her equal..
After three months, with the help of counselling & medication, her illness was controlled. As a person though she changed completely, and our relationship was over. We made a verbal agreement that I would see my children Friday to Sunday every week at her house.
During my visits I was verbally abused almost continually throughout the weekend. She often threatened that she would stop access altogether, over the slightest disagreement. She also laughed mockingly as she told me she was attempting to stop my access altogether, and that her councillor was prepared to give evidence. She was to paint me as a bully and manipulator, and useless father.
Over the space of two months, I recorded hours of manipulation, bullying, shouting, screaming, abuse & threats on my phone. If I can upload this here, you would scarcely believe this was a women claiming to be MY victim. This evidence in the main I still have on my phone and will use in court.
However, I had a 12 minute recording of my ex fully admitting that she had lied to her counsellor. She also admitted that she was fully prepared to lie in Court to stop my access. She admitted she was manipulating who she could and keeping a fake diary to use against me in court. And importantly that I am incapable of caring for my children in a proper manner and that this inflames her illness and sends her into a downward spiral. Whereas me being away from the children causes her anxiety to go away. I then told her I had recorded the conversation, and played the recording back to her.
I visited my children last week as usual, my phone was in my bag. After returning home, I realised my phone was missing. I never took it out of my bag and knew my ex had taken it. I returned to her house, she denied touching the phone. I searched the house, and in came my ex with the phone, claiming she had just found it. I checked my recordings and all looked fine. As I got home I received a text, saying 'You're two recordings short, I deleted them'. She had deleted the recording I described and also another very damaging recording. Her reasoning was she had not given me permission to record my own conversation, therefore she was fully entitled to delete them.
Now the recording is deleted, she has re-started court proceedings, fully intent on stopping my custody altogether. Although I have her texts admitting she deleted these recordings, she is denying the content of the recording.. And I have no evidence to disprove her.
I have searched the internet, and 'Spoliation of evidence' (evidence to be used in a civil court case) seems the most appropriate definition.. Can someone advise me on whether I can act on this? Surely deleting recordings like this is just as bad as destroying physical evidence? I became too complacent thinking this recording would fully disprove her case, only to have it taken away..
Thank you.
Hi,
If you are using a solicitor, I'd ask him the position with this - he may well not know if he is a family lawyer, but should be able to find out or consult with a colleague.
As far as I am aware, it is legal to record telephone conversations (which is what I assume these recordings were) if they are to be used for your own purposes - if you intend to use them in court, then you need to advise the other party (your ex) that you are recording the conversation, otherwise they may not be admissable in court. I think the judge can rule them admissable, but I wouldn't rely on it.
I have no knowledge of the rules of spoilation, but I would expect that it would be a matter dealt with by a separate court, and not the family court, but again, you'd need to check on this.
However, even though your ex has deleted two of your recordings, it actually might be to your advantage - you are perfectly entitled to use your texts as evidence, and the text you have is fairly damning in itself, and may well prompt the court to ask more about the events leading up to the text.
I would advise that you need to be smarter in how you deal with matters (that wasn't meant to be in any way derogatory) - if you have evidence against her, do not tell her what you have as it gives her far more time to prepare for it, and to concoct evidence against you to counter it. Additionally, if you have any recordings, back them up (never mind that she might delete them, you never know if your phone is going to be lost/stolen/damaged) and keep any documents separately to your phone – transcribe texts letter-for-letter and include the date and time. It does sound as though your ex will probably help your case with her behaviour, but you need to make sure that you don't give her anything that she can use against you.
One final thing – where are the recordings stored on your phone, are they on a memory card? If so, it may be possible to recover the recordings as deleting them has probably only deleted the index pointing to the recording, the recording itself may still be on the phone. Search through google to see if any recovery tools exist, or consider one of the specialist companies that can recover data. I would suggest removing the memory card until you have sorted this, as any new data could overwrite the recordings.
Hi kris,
What a terrible situation to be in. PND is as common as 1/3 i've been told.
As actd says, first thing check to see if there is any software recovery tools.
If this comes to court, you have the evidence in tact to prove some of what she is saying and the texts could be damning, however the recordings themselves it is up to the judge as to whether or not they will omit the evidence.
In any event you should have kept recordings stored elsewhere, but your ex should not have tampered with your phone... its your property.
I have a feeling that this (if it comes to court) will not go well for you though. She seems very manipulative... please keep us up to date and if you need any more information get back in touch with us for further advice.
I have not forgotten about this thread guys, I wanted to wait until I'd tested the recovery software you'd advised me to download, and guys, thanks a million it worked, and I have my recordings back!
I am currently writing up my argument backed up by 200+ text messages and hours worth of abuse. The abusive recordings, by the way, were not telephone calls, but abuse I endured while seeing my children at her house on visits. In none of the recordings or conversations via text message were I ever abusive back to her.
I received a letter from her solicitor last week claiming I have made no effort to see my children, and their mother is willing to allow me access between 12-7 every Saturday. An absolute joke I'm sure you'd agree, if this guy thinks he has an open/shut case were I will lay and take this on the chin he has another thing coming!
I've not yet sought any advice on the spoilation charge, I will do so when I meet with my Solicitor this week. But the fact I had to recover the recordings, coupled with the text messages where she freely admits to deleting them, as well as the fact she believes entirely that these recordings are gone forever, I believe it's given me further leverage.
Again thank you for the advise guys, I feel 100 times better.
I have not forgotten about this thread guys, I wanted to wait until I'd tested the recovery software you'd advised me to download, and guys, thanks a million it worked, and I have my recordings back!
Back them up!
Including external backup - CD/memory card etc.
Check the legality of the recordings, but I think since it wasn't a recording of a phone call, you are probably OK to use them as it's not covered by the Telecomms Act.
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