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Hi All,
Apologies for my first post being a question - hoping someone has an idea; I haven't got a clue.
I'm still at home with wife and 2 boys (11-14) but miserable - need to escape but terrfied of the financial uncertainty.
I've surfed and read and have an understanding of my child maintenance requirements (assuming the boys want to stay with their mother) but have no clue what I'd be required to pay my wife.
Despite the ages of our kids my wife doesn't work, she has now moved her aged father into our house and is a fulltime carer - and recieves £50/week from the government. Previously she worked part-time but gave up her job(s) and for 4 of the last 5 years she has been a student and has obtained her degree. She hasn't worked FT for 15 years.
Financially, I have supported the family all this time but her 'extravagent' lifestyle and desire for holidays has saddled me with substaintial debt; so much so that my mortgage is not on 'interest only' and I spend 25% of my takehome pay on loans. Honestly, I am as much to blame - I allowed the holidays etc and am now paying the price for a 'quite' life.
Neither of us came from privileged backgrounds but I have worked hard, putting myself through College and University whilst working full time - and earned a masters degree and and good job and healthy salary and then covering the income gap when she gave up PT work to study.
I understand that if both boys stay with my wife - 20% of my take home is forfeit as child support. I'm fine with this.
Spousal maintenance is my concern - how much will I be asked to give to continue to support my stay at home wife?
I would gladly walk away from the house - she's welcome to any/all the equity. I just want a chance at a fresh start.
Looking at some on-line calculators - they suggest I could be asked for 60% of my take-home pay (child support included) can this be correct???
I'd actually consider resigning and going jobless rather than be forced to continue supporting someone that has made me so miserable.
Help please...
Hi Orion3, and welcome to the forum.
FIrst things first - you say that you are miserable in the marriage, but have you really tried to sort things out first, such as going to relate or other relationship counselling? Sometimes it looks as if escaping is the best option, but I'm sure many on here will tell you, it's not easy, and unless there is a real problem that cannot be resolved, then if you can sort things out, it really is the best outcome for all concerned.
With regards to child maintenance, you are correct about the 20%, but there any debts taken out during the time you were together for the benefit of the family are taken into consideration. As for your main question of maintenance for your spouse, there is no hard and fast rule. Firstly, this is my opinion only - you need to seek legal advice, and the Childrens Legal Centre don't, to the best of my knowledge, give legal advice on divorces. You may be able to get a 30 minute consultation with a solicitor at no cost to give you an idea of what to expect.The courts would normally expect your ex to work if she is reasonably able to do so, but since she is caring for her father full time, I think that she would be able to fully justify continuing not to work, so in your case, I think you can expect to have to support your ex as well as your children, and to provide a roof over their heads. You could try to keep some equity in the house, to be realised when the children have left home and your father in law is no longer living there, but I couldn't give you any idea on your chances of success.
If you do go for a divorce, you can expect that it could turn bitter, and if you haven't already done so, then read through the forum for some of the stories of the ex husbands on here, and the problems they have with contact etc - as I said earlier, if there is any way you and your wife can sort things out, it really may be a much better option for you.
Counselling - if only. She refuses point blank to discuss it, says if things are broken than what's the point, if not, WE should be able to work them out.
We seemed to found a corner a few days after my post and things seemed OK for a few days. She then went away on a planned weekend and I had the kids - best weekend I've had in...I can't remember. No hastle, no arguments just wonderful. She came back yesterday and we had our first argument over something so minor I can't even recall the cause. Today we went out shopping and over someone so trivial we kicked off again. Just can't see a way past this, it's all circular.
She says that if we split she only wants a reasonable settlement and a clean break. My worry is that this 'reasonable' attitude will change the moment a solicitor gets involved.
Thanks
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