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The nature of this post is to seek adivice into ways of going about starting some sort of contact with my son again. I understand I have been a very poor father figure over the years, I regret a lot of things and wish to correct them. I had my son very young 16 and have found the situation very hard to deal with. At first myself and the mother tried to stay together and were on and off for years, truth is we were only together for one reason.
We both went on to university where we broke up. These years I wasn't the best father figure, although I saw my son I was more interested in going out and acting like others my age. My ex and I consantly argued as she slowly refused any form of contact with my son. She on the other hand met someone else and have since married and are expecting their first child soon.
Its been years since I had any form of contact, my mother has some sort of contact yet my ex has said that she will refuse me all forms of contact with my son. To be honest my ex has is now refusing to answer her phone or reply to her phonecalls. She alsways refuses my son to go on hollidays with my mother etc.
Anyway i've always been scared to gain contact again untill recently. To be honest its a bit of a taboo with the family as I had him at an early age. But things are on the up, i've met sometone fantastic and she has given me the confidence to gain contact again.
I recently wrote her two letters asking for contact with my son and took the opportunity to thank her for the way she brought up our son, I am eternally gratefull for all the hard work she carried out.
I know I’m not going to fix this overnight, it will take some sort of step-by-step process, but I would like him to be part of a stable relationship with myself again. Even if it is a brief visit every so often.
Its been two months since the first letter and nearly one sonce the last. What can I do?? I don't really know what to do now...I'm facing the dole soon as my place of work will most likely be closing due to the financial situation so i'm completel broke with no money so I can't afford to take her through the courts.
All i'm asking is for some advice
You need to persist. As you admit, you have a lot of work to do, so you first need to build bridges with your ex. Perhaps your best course would be to write to your ex to say that you would like to start writing to your son as a first step (perhaps an unsealed letter via your ex so she knows what you are writing) and take it from there.
Hi SOS,
I will ask the Childrens Legal Centre to have a look at your query and give you some advice.
Hang in there mate.
Gooner :ugeek:
Dear SOS,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
It seems that you have done the correct thing so far and have attempted to speak to the mother and see if she will agree to any contact between you and your son.
If the mother does not respond to your letters or refuses to try and negotiate this matter, then we would firstly suggest mediation. This is where you and the mother attend a meeting with an independent third party to discuss the situation and attempt to agree on some form of contact that you are both happy with.
This would give you the opportunity to explain to the mother that you intend to be involved in the child’s life in a positive way and to be reliable with the contact. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610, and they will be able to give you information on services they offer in your area and whether there would be any cost involved in this.
If mediation is not successful, or the mother refuses to attend, then you would be able to consider whether or not you wish to apply for a contact order at this point. A contact order is an order issued by the court that states the contact you are to have with your child and is legally binding, so the mother is expected to comply.
At present, the mother is the resident parent, and this means that she is able to control the contact that you have with your son, and is able to refuse it if she feels this is in the child’s best interests. This is because contact is not the right of any parent, but the right of the child and until a child is able to make decisions for themselves it falls to the resident parent to make these on their behalf.
The child has the final say on decisions concerning them at 16 years old (although Parental Responsibility remains until a child is 18 years old), but their opinion can be considered before this age by a court or officials if the child is deemed competent and mature enough to make such decisions (usually not below 12 to 13 years old).
You stated that you are in a difficult financial position and so could not afford court or solicitors, however if you are claiming income based Job Seekers Allowance, then you would automatically be eligible for legal aid and this application would be funded by the state. A solicitor is able to apply for legal aid on your behalf.
If you are not eligible for legal aid, you have the options of paying privately for a solicitor or making the application yourself without a solicitor. You can do this by downloading forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from www.hmcs.gov.uk and filing the completed C100 at the Family Proceedings Court closest to the child’s home with the required fee of £175. This will normally be the only fee you pay.
If you do decide to apply for contact, and the matter does go to court, then the judge would hear all the circumstances and arguments from yourself and the mother. This may take some time and several hearings.
The court would make a decision as to what contact is appropriate in your individual circumstances based on what is thought best for your son. The court are generally in favour of contact between parents and children, although this will often be supervised initially if there has not been contact for some time to allow a relationship to build between you and your son before unsupervised contact is considered.
We hope this information is useful to you, should you require further information or advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre.
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