[Solved] Starting to lose faith

Hi there,

It seems as though you are being put through it all a bit.

I would say in my oppinion that although your solicitor "may" be right I would have thought that the symptoms your daughter is showing may be more down to the pressures of the whole situation, (just a possible view) I would have thought that at 9 caffcas would talk to your daughter and that her views would be condidered but it may not mean the end of it all, as caffcas and the courts main concern is keeping contact in place where possible.

Don't loose hope yet see where this goes, everyone on the site is here for support so drop by regularly and keep us up-dated

Darren

I do believe that my ex wife is saying all this in order to make me look bad. She's made some awful claims against me none of which are true. She has stated that I would need to attend mediation in her area but that it would make her suffer financially as she's not entitled to legal aid and would have to pay for mediation. She claims that she wants one day in the future for me and my daughter to have a relationship but that at the moment my daughter doesn't want to know me. I thought that at 9 my daughter would be too young for her views to be taken into consideration as I know just how much her mother has a hold over her. I just can't beat the thought of not seeing my daughter ever again due to her mother being so nasty.

cafcas and the courts take along time apply for full residency with a interim acsess order and make sure its enforcable and dated that is the most important bit this will give you acsess which she cant break for risk of arrest then youll be able to build your relationship back up with your daughter the court fee is £200 well worth it if you get it dated and enforced mine isnt and i regret it im haveing to go back to make it so its c100 form from the family section of the county court you need good luck its a real battle i know im there now

It can be a battle but it is one worth fighting, the courts and caffcas (from my own experience) will normally try to re start contact after the first court hearing, if there are any claims of trouble or issues this may be through a contact centre, this may not be ideal but you will at least see your daughter and they are able to see how she is with you.

Thanks for your reply, so do you mean I could apply for this interim contact order now even though I've not seen my daughter for well over a year? Does this mean I may have a greater chance of seeing my daughter sooner?

If you go to court, it is lickely that an interim order would be put in place while the court case continues.

This happened with myself and I have heard that this has happened with others, like I said some have had restrictions put in place where contact has to be at a contact centre but this may or may not be the case for your situation.

I'm fine with seeing my daughter at a contact centre it would just mean contact! My solicitor has applied to the court but said that nothing will happen until possibly October. So could I contact my solicitor and request that an interim contact order is applied for it would that be granted in October when we have our first court date?

Hi tandn,

Sorry to hear about your situation, but you're doing the right thing by pursuing the matter through the court. Your ex hasn't really left you with an alternative.

It's often a difficult and emotional journey. One we tend to walk alone, but you're amongst friends here. Your solicitor's dour and unsympathetic tone is not uncommon, as most try to be impartial with their outlook and this can reduce our optimism. I had a similar experience with my solicitor and interpereted it as a lack of comittment on her part. I wanted to feel that she was behind me 100% and fighting my corner.

I don't believe that the information provided by mal1 is correct and has perhaps been taken out of context. Given the claims of your ex, I don't think it's a good idea to consider a residence order. To be honest a court would only award a residency order on the grounds that your child was at physical or emotional risk by staying with her mother. Stick to your guns with the contact order.

CAFCASS will probably want to speak with your daughter and her feelings will be considered, but if they feel that your ex is manipulating the situation they will bring this to the attention of the court. As Darren says the court may take a cautious approach in the interim and contact could be limited to letters and supervised visits, but it's a start and something to build on.

How long have you been seperated from her mother? What were the circumstances behind the split?

FM '70

Hi you don't need to apply for an interim order, if the courts decide they can do this without any concerns they will do this as a matter of course at the first visit.

Oh I see so it could still take a few months before I get to see her then. Filmmaker we split when my daughter was 4 because she met someone else. The contact has always been stopped and started when I didn't do something she asked. The final straw came when I went to parents evening and because she had stopped contact she didn't think I should be going and apparently I should have consulted her! I'm hoping that it may go to court sooner as the longer this goes on for the more excuses my daughters mum will find to block contact.

when did the court application get sent in?

It usually takes between 6-8 weeks from the point of application to a first hearing. However I understand that sometimes, dependent on the volume of cases a court has to hear, this can be pushed up to beyond 12 weeks. It's not ideal.

Darren is correct and the the court should look to put an interim order in place on your first appearance. You can expect them to monitor progress at each hearing. I would write down all the examples of your ex's controlling behaviour and her repeated failure to acknowledge your parental responsibility. Your solicitor needs to be able to outline what the last 5 years have been like and that you're only doing this as a last resort.

You have every right to be consulted about your child's educational progress and I don't believe you require the permission of your child's mother to attend a parents evening.

The solicitor is only just sorting it out this week as I saw her today which is when she dropped the bombshell about if my daughter says she doesn't want to see me etc. I'm hoping the court date comes sooner rather than later.

If they have't been sent in already, it might be worth sending them in yourself as this could speed things up and would save you the solicitors fees for them to do it, they are simple enough forms would take 20-30 mins to fill out.

Darren

all ways keep the faith as every one has told you its along and daunting road a road I to have only just started along and its scaring the s"£t out of me
one thing I do know is that if u want to go down of the contact centre route at least with the one near me you can refer yourself there this might help in speeding up your access

As Darren says, if your solicitor has not already sent in the c100 forms, ring up the local court your daughter is residing in, ask to speak to the family courts section and ask them to send you out the forms. They were really helpful and friendly in my experience and let me ask all the questions I needed to ask. Complete them, you will find help at the start of this forum section but they really are very straightforward. Take them in by hand with £200 and ask for a family court staff member to check them over.
It may be worth starting to prepare photos and any evidence you can get regarding your previous successful time with your daughter as when cafcass become involved they should surely take this into account. I would imagine that they are very familiar with mums trying to set the child against the other parent and will be looking out for this. This is more recognised in the states but less so legally here - parental alienation.
Easier said than done but stay as positive as you can, be proactive in dealing with this horrible situation and dont doubt yourself.

Thought I'd post again, it's been nearly a month now and I've not heard anything about what's going on? I spoke to my solicitor and she told me she would write to me when she hears anything. Should it take this long to get a date? Also how soon do they serve papers on my ex wife? My solicitor is really quite vague about this stuff so I'm sitting here wondering what is actually going on!

Hi,

Has your solicitor sent you copies of all court related documentation? Court forms,etc? I would have expected to have received some kind of acknowledgement by now...

FM '70

Hi,

I've not had a court date or anything. That's why I'm confused as to whats going on. When I contacted my solicitor last week se said she would write to me once she heard anything but I can't see how it takes this long to hear anything. That's why I thought I'd ask here.

On what date did your solicitor make an application to the court? These things usually take 6-8 weeks from point of application to first hearing. Based on your application being made 4 weeks ago, I would expect to hear something within the next 7 days?

The delay could be down to a staff shortage? In my experience the administrive process tends to slow down over the last two weeks of December and around the end of July / begining of August, which is when most people book annual leave...

I will have to ring my solicitor tomorrow as the date I posted this which was just under 4 weeks, she said she would sort out the application so it could hve been a week later it was sent for all i know! It's just frustrating as I thought i would have heard something by now.

Ask her for the date on which the application was submitted and that should give you a broad idea of timescale.

Rang the solicitor today and the court hearing is scheduled for September 27th. However it's come to light that my ex is claiming domestic violence in my current relationship which isn't true. How do the courts deal with these claims? I'm aware that my ex is going to be as difficult as possible to try and get contact stopped so I wondered how the courts investigated to see if my exs claims are false?

CAFCASS may be involved. A CAFCASS officer would speak to you and your partner to see whether there was any substance to these allegations, but as it's untue you don't have anything to worry about.

Cafcass are now involved and are going to contact both me and my ex wife 2 weeks before the hearing. The ex isn't happy about it going to court and has been ranting about how my daughters having nightmares since she found out about the court hearing. Why would she even tell my daughter about it in the first place if it caused her do much distress as she claims. She has claimed the fact she pays for her solicitor makes a difference and that her solicitor has said she will win the case. Do solicitors actually say that???? Shes said she's putting my daughter through counselling, if anything I believe if this anxiety that my daughter is meant to feel is more to do with what her miter has told her! I'm feeling uneasy about this as I know my ex is going to play dirty and try every trick in the book.

It's easy to say don't loose faith and to stay strong but I know from experience what your mind does, it works out every scenario possible though usually just the negative ones.

I can't say everything will be fine as I don't know, though the courts and caffcass are used to handling these things and are used to seeing the resident parent trying to muddy the water as much as possible and Usually rise above it and look at the facts, I'm sure it's the pressure of the court case causing your daughter the nightmares and agree that your ex may have shared too much info with her.

Talking to caffcass before court is normal they like to get an idea of what's going on as they need to report to the judge as they will attend on the day.

Darren

See my ex is claiming my daughter isn't eating or sleeping and it's because she doesn't want me in her life! I know it's all lies and that she's been told far too much. I can tell that my ex is going to be extremely hostile towards me yet I've no intention of accusing her of anything. All I would like is to see my daughter.

I would share your concerns over the level of information that your ex gives your daughter with caffcass when they contact you, you will be given an opportunity to share your concerns with them when they get in touch.

Try to stay strong the courts and caffcass's main aim is to keep both parents in a child's life, unless there is a very good reason for one or the other not to be,your ex can throw mud all she likes but if there is no truth in it, it won't stick and as I've said caffcass and the judges are used to it and see right through it all.

Darren

I don't think it's a problem with your children being told what's going on, but I imagine that it's the way they are being told that is the real issue - and the problem is being cause by your ex, and not the fact that it's going to court. If you get the opportunity, reassure your children that there is nothing to worry about with cafcass, and that you are going to court for what is best for them.

In regards to an earlier question - her solicitor is almost certainly going to tell her she'll win. Let's face it, would you pay for a solicitor who told you that you were likely to lose, unless you were paying them to make sure that the loss was minimised. And furthermore, even if her solicitor had told her she was likely to lose, do you really thing your ex would tell you that? Don't worry about it - go in prepared with all evidence and think of everything she is likely to throw at you, and prepare for that also and you should be fine.

I don't want to be doing [censored] for tat I just want access to my daughter as its been nearly 18 months now since I had access to her. Acid unfortunately I can't reassure my daughter as I have no contact at all with her even letters I've posted don't et replies and neither do birthday cards or Christmas. I don't even know if she gets the cards and stuff I send her. It's a nerve racking time and fair play about the solicitor telling her that. I'm hoping cafcass aren't biased towards my ex as I've read stories where they are completely useless which doesn't fill me with much hope. I do want to be positive but my ex is so angry about it I'm concerned at what lengths she will go to to stop me having contact with my daughter.

If you are unsure that parcels / post gets there then send it recorded delivery.

I also used to photograph / photocopy everything I sent and keep a little diary for later years.

Keep trying it took me 18 months but things are slowly improving and I am seeing my children again.

When I say I don't know if she's getting them I mean I don't know if my ex actually passes the stuff on. I didn't think to take photographs of stuff. I usually send a voucher to my daughter so she can spend it on what she likes. Reading your post ozziebug has given me hope about seeing my daughter.

I don't want to be doing [censored] for tat I just want access to my daughter as its been nearly 18 months now since I had access to her.

These are good sentiments and you want the court to see that you're a reasonable person, but be prepared for your ex to continue to act maliciously towards you. She's already accused you of domestic violence towards your current partner and is currently making spurious comments about the upcoming court hearing having a physcological and emotional toll on your daughter.

I suspect from her actions that the mother is pretty desperate and I suspect that she fears, or knows, that she'll lose some of the control that she has over you regarding contact.

It fairly clear to me that the mother is guilty of gross parental alienation and your solicitor needs to raise this as an issue. Her comments relating to the hearing are an example of how she's trying to demonise you in the eyes of your child.

FM '70

Shes said also that if I care I'd leave her alone and let her be happy like she was months ago. If I bring up about parental alienation straight away at the first hearing will that be ok or will the judge not want to listen at a first hearing about that stuff? I know parental alienation has been taking place as even in her letter to the solicitor she said how I always let my daughter down and when I refused to go mediation when she decided she wanted to go she then gave up sticking up for me and let my daughter decide and have her own opinion! Regardless of the fact that what she was saying was lies. It's hard because I also have other children and I honestly can't see how my daughter would reject her siblings as well which is what my ex claims. I do agree about the fact shed worried as now she's losing control of the situation which she has always tried to call the shots on! She also claims the fact her husband has financially supported my daughter will count for a lot but I have always paid Csa money towards my daughter and still do to this day. This next month will drag for me no doubt. I do apologise to everyone as I do keep posting up but I have so many questions that need answering.

The fact that her husband has supported your daughter is irrevelant; you pay your maintenence on time and without fail.

I've read through your posts and it does seem like the mother is a complete control freak. Was she this bad when you were together?
What's the new husband like? How long have they been together?

As I said before, I think the mother is panicking and is more concerned about losing control of the situation.

What reason did she give to explain why they moved away? She should have consulted you about that, but didn't and I think that she has made a systematic attempt to exclude you from your daughters life. I can't think of a more obvious example of parental alienation, but courts here in the UK have been slow to recognise the damage it can do to a relationship.

Speak to your solicitor about what strategy he/she has for the case. Do they feel that it should be beneficial to raise the issue of parental alienation with CAFCASS?

She took control of all the money I earned when we were together so I barely saw any of it and she always insisted being the person who did everything for our daughter so that it come to a point she wouldn't leave my ex. My ex never told me she moved she claims she was going to contact me but didn't have a number and that because I had moved she ha no way of contact. She had my wife's number but never sent a message and plus we moved in October and she moved November. I don't see how she couldn't have known she was moving a few months before. The reason they moved was because her husband got a job there but I do know she had every intention of moving somewhere far as she had said in the past to my family she was thinking of doing so. She always claim that it's my daughters decision and it's nothing to do with her but then of that's the case why did she lie to my solicitor about when contact last took place! We had a family photo shoot (after I'd been stopped from seeing her) and my wife was having contact with my daughter and asked if my daughter could come to the shoot and told my ex that I would be there and she let her go. My daughter was fine with me but in her letter she claims that my daughter was really upset afterwards and refused to see my wife however that's a lie as my wife has video evidence showing my daughter with her siblings a couple of months after the shoot took place.

If your solicitor feels that you should outline your concerns to CAFCASS, then I would say go for it. I suspect that they'll see through allegations that your ex is making.

Good luck!

Just posting an update.

It's a week now until court and have spoken to cafcass in regards to the situation with my daughter. Cafcass have told Me they do not have an address for my ex wife so when it goes to court it will more than likely be ordered that my ex has to be spoken to and then the judge will see who is lying? How long is this likely to take before it goes back to court? Also cafcass has said whilst I have a clean police record there's a domestic violence thing showing up but I've no idea what this is about and apparently it wasn't Persued??? The only thing that springs to mind is when my ex reported me to the police claiming I threatened her (which wasn't true) and the police made a phonecall but that was it. On the flip side cafcass has said that my daughter is too young for her opinion to be taken into consideration and that if she refused to go they would visit her and remind her of the good times we had together. Anyway I was wondering how long it would take for cafcass to speak to my ex and then it go back to court???

Hi There,

Cafcas generally attend at the court hearing so they would possibly talk to her there and then.

Darren

Just wanted to update and ask a few questions again . Well it went to court yesterday and my ex claims she's not against contact and that she has tried to encourage my daughter to see me but that she is adamant she doesn't want to! She suggested me trying to write to her every two weeks and has claimed she will encourage my daughter to reply. The court ordered that I write the letters and now the next hearing is in January 2013 as cafcass will be going to visit my daughter to ask her why she doesn't want to see me. Is the way my ex behaving a sign of PAS? She's lied to my solicitor about why contact was stopped and said she stopped it due to me attending parents evening on the time she arranged which isn't true. I'm happy that I'm allowed to write to her but am not expecting a response. Cafcass have said they will be checking the letters to make sure that if I do get a reply it will not show any signs of my ex wife prompting her to say stuff. I've been reading up a lot about PAS and things like claiming the child has their own mind my ex wife does with our daughter. Also the thing about her wanting contact to go ahead but that my daughter refuses. Not looking forward to waiting 3 months until it goes back to court but am hoping it will be a good outcome.

Don't expect a response, but that doesn't mean you won't get one. Be positive in everything you say to her - she has to want to reply to you, so an upbeat and cheerful letter is by far the best way to achieve this - don't criticise your ex at all. It's probably also worth enclosing a stamped addressed envelope every time you send a letter, so it's easy for her to reply - if she doesn't, even though she has the reply envelope, send the SAE next time anyway just in case she lost it. And make sure you keep copies of every letter you send so that CAFCASS can see what you wrote.

I am not expecting a reply to be honest. I have been told by cafcass that I have to ask her questions and talk about her in the first letter which has made it really difficult to write as was scared anything I say may go against me so I've just asked her about school etc. I have given a copy of the letter to my solicitor and am also going to be sending recorded so I can't be accused of not sending anything. I've also bought blank cards as cafcass said it shows I'm going out and making the effort. The first card I'm sending is a funkypigeon.com card with her photo on the front so hoping she likes it. Is it true that cafcass are more for mothers? I've been reading a lot and have read some negative stuff about them in regards to siding with mothers. The lady from cafcass seemed nice enough but I'm still worried that cafcass will say that my daughter shouldn't see me. I'm assuming it would have to be extreme circumstances for this to happen though?

Hi There,

cafcas are there for the child, they don't side with parents at all, they are there to ensure the best for the children, that I guess will fall on one side or the other where the parents are concerned but that is the aim or thier role.

Remember for every case you read online that is negative towards dads there are many, many that aren't you don't always get to read them as the dads don't need to seek advice or vent about it.

Darren

Yes I suppose when you put it like that it does sound better. My concern about all this is the fact there is a domestic violence thing that was never pursued, my only conclusion to this is that I Know my ex accused me of threatening her to the police! Again another lie from her as I'd been round to ask her to leave my wife alone there was no threats whatsoever but because my ex is extremely cunning and spiteful she called the police who did no more than make a phone call! Is this going to mess my chances up in regards to contact? I know my ex is capable of doing and saying so much and am just so fearful that it will be believed! I know she was also at one stage messaging my wife's ex saying about their child together and claiming my wife wasn't a good mum etc via Facebook all under a fake account. She's a real nasty person and will go to any lengths to get what we wants.

Basically, gather as much evidence as you can, and act calmly. When a court sees that you are behaving reasonably, and can prove that your ex is not acting in the best interests of the children, but out of spite, the court will usually make it clear (often in no uncertain terms) that they will not tolerate such behaviour.

Just thought I would post again. I have now written 3 letters to my daughter and all have been ignored. My stepchildren even wrote to her and their cards were ignored also. It's so disheartening as I can't understand why my daughter would reject even her step siblings who she got on with really well before. I put my phone number in the last letter in the hope she might ring however I am still waiting. I am finding it hard to write as I am running out of things to say and sometimes I feel like the letters are a little repetitive. I managed to pay for her school trip recently that she went on however I wasn't sure if I would be able to because I assumed the ex wife would be awkward but as the school had the cheque from us they informed my ex who couldn't say much about me paying for it. I am still in the dark about when a court date is and for some strange reason I haven't received a court order stating about me writing letters either? I tried to ring cafcass to find out what was going on and if my daughter had been spoken to yet but haven't had a phonecall back yet. Would the cafcass lady tell me what my daughters response was anyway or would I have to wait until when it goes back to court? I am at a stage where I feel angry because as the months pass I am missing out on my daughter growing up and she's missing out on seeing her siblings too. I apologise to you all for ranting I am just a little fed up. I suppose deep down I kind of hoped I would get a response from my daughter and it makes me feel like the outcome of court will be that I don't see her. I suppose I am posting just for moral support really and words of encouragement, did any of you fathers feel this way whilst going through the early stages?

???

Hi
Ive just read all your post. I cant understand why its taken this long, you must be distraught. Have you tried writng to her mother and asking if you could all meet up, just for an hour. maybe for lunch or to buy her a coat or something
whats your solicitor doing about this long wait.
Try sending some photos.

I haven't tried contacting my ex since she stopped my wife having contact with my daughter. She's always claimed that my daughter doesn't want to see any of us. Add the fact my daughter now lives over 100 miles away its made everything even harder. I am having to wait on cafcass to speak to my daughter to see if she really doesn't want to see me like my ex claims. My solicitor said there would be a hearing after January 2nd. Not exactly pinpointing a date for me. I am going to send pictures in my next letter to her. I am finding all this soul destroying though. It will be two years come april next year that I was allowed to see my daughter. I got to speak to her briefly when I saw her playing with her friend down te road from me, that was October last year when she still lived in the same area as me. She spoke to me fine then and didnt say anything about not wanting to see or speak to me. I just feel like the months are dragging and the fact I get no response makes me scared for what the future holds and wonder whether my daughter does really hate me after all. I am at a low point right now as I try to keep this bottled up and it's really starting to get to me. I have just ha my solicitors drop te bombshell they are not taking legal aid cases anymore so I've got an appointment with a new solicitor in a week to sort out about them dealing with my case now. This will be the 2nd Christmas I haven't seen my daughter and all of this makes me hate her mother.

Hi Tandn

I have experienced very similar difficulties to you. I've been frustrated and upset to levels I never thought possible. But, after over 2 years of court, cafcass, assessments, interviews and costs - I have finally, recently, seen progress.

The professionals you deal with in this system are seeking to find what is in the best interest for the child(ren). My daughter is eight. For 6 years she spent more time with me than her mother and we had an excellent relationship. Shortly after her mother & I fell out, my daughter expressed a clear desire to see me, but mother declared this 'inappropriate'. Ten weeks later, after my first court appearance, my daughter refuses to see me at a supervision center.

I also wrote many letters and tried to have xmas/birthday gifts delivered by mutual friends, only to be refused on the basis that they were upsetting my daughter (mother did say it was fine to send money and specific vouchers!).

It has taken way too long, but after cafcass interviews and a psychological assessment on mother & I (she didn't like results of this much!) cafcass decided that mother is sole reason for my daughters negative opinion of me and court generally has a dim view of this - ie. parent alienation. This is emotional abuse, a serious, despicable treatment of a child.

In court last week and mother told to encourage contact or face section 37 order (local authorities investigate). Unfortunately, work to be done in reversing damage caused my mother, but cafcass case worker sat with my daughter and read a letter I wrote to her. Next day I received a reply from my daughter - first contact since Summer 2010!

I could go on and on, but my main point is this is a very difficult, trying process we go through. It does sometimes feel hopelessly against you. I still have along way to go. But, when a load of untruths are said and young children are emotionally abused by one parent against another - they will be found out. They deserve to go to jail for what they have done, but we are better than them and believe children should enjoy and prosper with both parents in their lives.

Keep the faith buddy.

Thank you so much for your reply. The cafcass lady I spoke to told me that they will sit with my daughter and remind her of the good times she had with me if she claims she doesn't want to see me. They will also be checking that she has got the letters I have sent her and that my ex hasn't just put them somewhere without my daughter seeing. It does sound like this will be the same scenario for me I.e if I get supervised contact I don't think she will turn up. So I suppose the whole process will be long. Thing is she's 9 soon to be 10 and I know that as she gets older she will have more of a life which means I will see her even less. My ex has said she's ok for my daughter to be interviewed as she has nothing to do with the decision my daughter has made! She's claimed the upset trick too saying my daughter was wetting the bed, having nightmares, not sleeping and having to be kept off school. Yet when I asked her school they said her attendance had been fine! I know my ex has done this to push all of us out as she now keeps referring to her husband as my daughters dad. It's annoying how this all works as my ex has completely ruined things and stopped my daughter from having more of a family. She has siblings who don't even know who she is as its been too long since they saw my daughter. My ex genuinely believes that she better off without me and my family which is in no way in my daughters best interests. None of my family see my daughter including my parents, my brothers etc. I hope that when my daughter is older she does look back on all this ad realise I wasn't the bad person my ex made me out to be. Ill be ringing cafcass again to see what's going on and will update after I find out.

I've had my fair share of doubts with the system the past years, but I do now firmly believe that cafcass and the court do (eventually) put the best interest of the child first. The case worker's experience will expose any negative influence that mother has committed and I hope take this very seriously.

In my situation, I will now write another letter to my daughter via cafcass. They will read with her (without mother!) and then hopefully we can be a step closer to one-to-one contact (supervised - I used to be offended at this thought, but now happy to accept). I see no reason why you shouldn't follow a similar route. Keep on at them. Their objective is what is right for your daughter and that is exactly the same as you want - being with you & your family.

Keep the faith!

Sorry to post again but I am a little annoyed. All letters I have been sending my daughter have been sent recorded, however the last one that I sent has still yet to be signed for and has come up from Royal Mail as being progressed through the network for delivery. I've already put in a claim form to find out whereabouts it has got to but have been told I'm being slated on facebook by my ex who's claiming I haven't kept to my side of the deal. In my next letter do I explain to my daughter that the last letter got lost? It also had cards from her step brother and sister in the envelope too. I wasn't sure if it had just been posted through the door without having a signature but going by my exs response it hasn't arrived. I'm so [censored] annoyed as I really don't want my daughter thinking I can't be bothered to write anymore. Any suggestions?

I would ask the cafcass officer to receive your letters and then sit with daughter to read & discuss. When you cannot trust the other parent to do the right thing for the child, in my experience, this is the only way to go. I sent many letters with no reply. The first one I send via cafcass I get an immediate response. It could also show how unreasonable and obstructive the mother is and NOT behaving in the best interest of the child.

You will get there. At times it doesn't feel that way. But you will.

I know that out of three letters sent two have been signed for and I have electronic proof of my exs signature for them. The last letter has gone astray though which is frustrating as she's now painting me as though I couldn't give a toss and just haven't bothered. I've found out that cafcass are seeing my daughter today so I will be ringing tomorrow to find out the outcome of it. My ex has been claiming on facebook that my daughter has been crying because of the fat she's got to be interviewed by a cafcass lady. My poor daughter has become so emotionally mixed up and my ex doesn't seem to care in the slightest the damage she is doing. I have decided I'm going to mention about the last letter going astray and say that I'm trying to track it through Royal Mail to see where it actually went. For all I know my ex could be lying about the letter not arriving it could have just been posted through the door for all I know.

It turns out that the cards were posted through the door my ex has confirmed it on facebook. I'm so [censored] angry as the stuff she's spouting about me on her profile is uncalled for. She's said I've completely messed up for having my wife's children write cards to my daughter as she claims its meant to be about y daughter and me, however I asked the cafcass lady if my stepchildren could write to my daughter and she said this would be ok on the 3rd or 4th letter which is what I have done. She's now claiming my daughter is refusing to read anymore letter I send her, I'm a bit lost how that works as how can se refuse to read anymore its not like I've said anything I shouldn't and my stepson only mentioned that he misse my daughter in the letter he wrote other than that it was general chit chat. My ex is claiming that my daughter will never have to say at mine because as she gets older the court will listen to her opinion. It's times like this I want to bite back as she's so [censored] nasty!!!!

It's times like this I want to bite back as she's so [censored] nasty!!!!

The best advice I can give here is ... don't.

No I won't be biting back as its what she wants. She's just acting so [censored] sure of the whole situation like how my wife and our children won't ever get to see my daughter and snide remarks like that. Saying how my daughter won't ever stay at mine as we opinion will be taken into account as she gets older. I'm going to rise above it though and focus on seeing my daughter as all I want is a relationship with her.