[Solved] The starting point?

Hi and welcome

This is quite complicated, because your partner has a solicitor, we can't ask the CCLC to comment on here, but I would say that your partner needs to be telling his solicitor that he's not prepared to just wait and see what happens - don't forget the solicitor works for him, the solicitor can give advice, but ultimately, your partner can tell the solicitor what he wants to happen (assuming it's legal and possible) and the solicitor's job it to get it done - otherwise, it might be worth changing solicitor.

I wonder about the ex's insistence that the children are ill - it may be to get additional benefits, or there could be something more problematic with her, but I'm not sure what to suggest here.

Anyone else able to help?

It is pretty much any time we arrange to do something with the kids, they suddenly get ill, like an ear infection, are kept off school and its always touch and go wether we get them or not. Incredibly frustrating but we have kept a diary of these things the last few months and its been proved pretty much every time.
She also complains that when they come back they are exhausted and are cross at her for leaving them!
Infact they are tired out as we have done stuff with them and nothing an early night doesn't solve, and they are out of sorts as they have had to get back into her routine of being housebound 🙁

Everything we do gets turned against us and there is never anything positive said.

The court order turned out to be nothing more than a stipulation not to take the kids out of England or Wales, and that mediation be arranged (both have been for their initial assessment) in regards to further contact. It was far from the total no access she wanted. So that was a good sign.

At the first court hearing what can we expect?

Hi Diamond

I am assuming your partner has Parental Responsibility. Your partner is entitled to have medical information, education information, the SEN stuff etc.

As actd says, it is quite concerning that she is insisting the children have a "condition". Are Childrens Services involved at all? I ask that because you say health professionals say "in mother's opinion".

Secondly your partner's solicitor is pretty much right , she has already made an Application, you wont get a hearing any earlier if you took out your own action. However, he could ask is solicitor if she will allow interim contact in the meantime. I assume the emergency order is for residence.

The first hearing will be a Directions hearing, it will be a brief hearing when the Judge will order any involvement of other parties, ie. CAFCASS, any reports he wants and for your partner and the ex to file statements. This will be your opportunity to raise your concern about the ex new partner too. You don't say what the concerns are, but has your partner told the solicitor about the concerns?

BTW police are out of order!

ok so updates.....

So my partner was hit with a Prohibited Steps Order not to take the children to NI. This has now been taken out. He now has the children every other weekend and every Tuesday night. He got the full medical records of the children and is working closely with the youngest pediatrician to determine various issues. It is all going to plan.

However, the solicitors are so so softly softly, they basically do not counteract any of her claims (all false and 'in her opinion') saying there is little point. So the contact of the children has been sorted out, my partner has left the forces and has got a new job and the CSA have been fab in telling him to pay her nothing until he knows exactly what his first wage will be and then backdate her any money owed at £5 a week.
They said he has done everything fairly and the fact she is going after more and more shows she is being greedy.
we nearly died of shock!!

The latest is they are going back to mediation to talk about split of the assets.
She believes she 'needs' 80% of the assets and half his pension due to the childrens' 'special needs'
Therefore the doctors are now becoming very useful. So far we have wiped out several of their 'issues' and she clings on the diagnosis of the youngests autism. Now she has him off the scale, yet when he is with us we get very little drama. Yes, his speech is delayed and to be fair that is about it. We get no tantrums, no 'meltdowns' nothing. Yet with her she is up all night drama after drama.
We have asked for video evidence of these claims. Still waiting.....
However we are concerned that she takes it one step too far, she is almost moulding him into this mindset. She managed to convince the authorities he needed into a special school. My friend who recently spent time with us and works with autistic kids was quite astounded that he attends such a school. She claims quite a high level DLA and Carers Allowance for looking after this child.....the only difference being he is not yet toilet trained and that is because she says he 'cant' due to his autism and she will do it when ready (no sign of that any time soon as the element of care in DLA would be gone!!)
But it all goes on what the mothers opinions are.

With the eldest lad she is wanting him tested for Aspergers Syndrome. Again another form of autism. He is now almost 9 and wants to spend more time with us. He gets twitchy before going back to mum and delays any time in going back 🙁

He attended his first intro mediation last night and told them all that has been occurring and they did look quite concerned but then shockingly said it could look like blackmail!!! In other words my partner will bring this all out to the authorities if she goes after more than what was agreed in the first place, she gets the main family home (100% equity on a £250k house) and he keeps his pension.
But he said no, the authorities know most of this they have failed to act (there has been other issues also that have been reported to social services after advice by the NSPCC), the fact is no one has ever really confronted her with her lies etc and that is exactly what he intends to do.
His point is that she should get what she is 'entitled to', what is fair. Not what she thinks she should have and using the children as a tool to get this with false claims.
That is hardly blackmail.

So we shall see.....

Has anyone else had any experience of a mother telling lies about the children to either restrict access or gain more money?
I would love to know how it was counteracted.
The solicitors do not seem to want to even mention anything even though she in her solicitors letters writes absolute untruths and things that are in her opinion but stated as facts.

Oh and we are having a baby.....
shhhhhhhhh....
we arent telling yet.
Secret squirrels.

Has anyone else had any experience of a mother telling lies about the children to either restrict access or gain more money?

That account for the large bulk of the content of this forum. I'm afraid. 🙁

Another update and some encouragement for those also still battling.

We contacted the NSPCC after we got nowhere with being nice and asking advice from certain groups. National Autism Society etc were useless at simply saying what everyone else knew.
So we wrote an email describing all our concerns, we named all names, got details of all doctors involved and the NSPCC were fab. They referred to Children's Services and not long after, social services got in touch.

So far they have been excellent, my partner had a home visit where they listened (properly) and by the end said they would do all they could to make sure they got to the bottom of what was going on. The boys mum had depicted two very very different children and they seen the children there and said they seememd very clingy to her etc.

After an incident at the elder boys school were he had a small fall, was all fine, when mum turned up said child went hysterical, crying in agony, to the point an ambulance was called. The school seen the whole affair and when my partner asked what had happened and explained the social services angle, they referred the incident to the social worker.

Now clinical psychologist appointments are made. Things ahave started to move now that there is a referral from the school. Anyone we now speak to is listening up.

In return the mother of the boys has gone quiet, strangely now, there is no more solicitors letters, its a simple, take me to court.

With pleasure.

So people, do what we have done, put your faith in the system, tell the truth, and ALWAYS HAVE THE CHILDS BEST INTERESTS AT HEART. Do not go for petty sniping, record EVERYTHING, keep a diary.
For us even CAFCASS have been ok, and remember even social workers are human....i just hope the ones we have had so far haven't been one-offs!

Its been a tough year so far but we are winning the war.

good to read their has been some positive progress,

sadly a good social worker is worth their weight in gold they are rare but I a glad that you have found a good one.... I am battling one who believes because I raise concerns that my ex and her boyfriend fight in front of the children she has said it's my fault for not allowing her t get on with her new relationship ! honestly you would have to read it to believe it and even then I can't understand how a person of such authority can write such BS

you situation sounds a little complex being tied with the financial settlement
I am pleased to read clinical psychologist reports have been requested I feel this is a real positive for you both and the determining the future health of the boys and their needs etc

best of luck hope all is going well with your pregnancy and this is not too stressful for you

yeah its been a crazy year, but also a case of 'let her waffle on and sink herself'.
Our main worry though is how it is effecting the boys. It takes them 24 hours to get back to the programme of were we are at, the rules we have and the fact we do not pander to them the way mum does. Once this happens they are a dream, we can take them anywhere.

Mum still claims both are very 'difficult' due to their 'autism' and she is slowly sinking herself as this now must be witnessed.

What swung it for us was the fact that as a child with autism, before they would travel or go to new places they need a great deal of reassurance especially for flights etc. Now we knew they would be fine but when we informed the school a week before they were due to fly the school were quiet taken aback (one of the boys is enrolled at a special school as he has 'complex learning difficulties').
Now there were two notional ideas here....with mum not letting the school know, she either hoped the kids would freak out and melt down and my partner fall flat on his face, or she knows rightly they they are nowhere near as bad as she makes out! neither of these are a 'good option'.

needless to stay both boys were absolutely fine and we had a fab holiday.....

Go figure....

slow and stead wins the race....