[Solved] Think ive messed up

Hi Womak,

I'm deeply sorry for your current predicament. It's clearly distressing for you, but this will also be incredibly confusing for your daughter. And her wellbeing is the only thing that matters here. That's what the court is concerned about. It's what CAFCASS is concerned about and it should be what you're concerned about.

Contact is the right of the child and not the parent. You haven't seen your daughter in a number of years and she doesn't know you. I think you're being incredibly niaive if you think you can just walk into her life and have a perfect reconcilliation. These things take time. A lot of time.

You suggest that CAFCASS have stated that your daughter hasn't received the letters that you sent. Did you make copies? Did you keep the receipt for the birthday card you sent by recorded delivery? If the court has asked for all indirect contact to go through your ex's solicitor, then this is what you have to do.

To be completely honest, you're not doing yourself any favours here. You're working towards the ultimate goal of meeting your daughter. This is a delicate situation and you're approaching it like a bull in a china shop. Calm down and be patient.

Pay maintanence. It's what a responsible father does. Show the court, CAFCASS and your ex that you only want what's best for your daughter. At the minute you want everything on your terms and it comes across as unreasonable. The courts won't view this favourably.

I'm not judging you and I don't think anyone else on here is either. We give advice and share our experiences, but you need to listen. If you carry on in the same manner as you are, you will just make matters more difficult and reduce the opportunities for having any real relationship with your daughter.

Hi Womak,

As FM says, just take this very steady. Very often, a child can be made very confused.

At the end of the day, you missed a card. You could always write in the next letter, that you sent the card directly to her and send the card along with the letter and say this is the card that i tried to send, but for some reason it got sent back to me.

Out of curiosity, and something that may be of more help when giving advice, what directions are you having to follow at the moment? (The Court sends a "list" that says 1. Letters sent X times to Respondent Solicitor 2. Applicant attends X 3. Respondent X... etc)

Don't worry 🙂

Just one letter amonth and an additional birthday card.All through her solicitor.Will me sending it directly mean i've breached the order or should i just keep quiet and say i forgot?

Technically, you have breached the court order. As long as you stick to the order from now on, nothing is likely to come of it. The order is pretty simple and very specific so it's not onerous to write a letter a month via her solicitor. You could write a simple letter to your ex apologising for sending it directly and send that also to the solicitor - don't make excuses, just apologise.