Update!

Hello All!

It's been quite a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd drop by and bring you all up to speed on my situation.

Just to recap I split up with my ex in Feb '10 and entered into an amicable and mutually argreed shared residency arrangement to enable us to both take care of our son. We split because she wanted to get married and have another child, whilst I wanted to wait until the economy improved and my business stabilised. Whilst our split was quite ammicable, she became pregnant by another man within weeks of leaving and, following a major disagreement regarding the level of contact my son was having with this man, my ex terminated all contact between me and my little boy.

I didn't see my son for several months and was unable to try mediation due to several unfounded, and unproven, allegations that my ex made against me. However I managed to regain some contact through protracted correspondence with my ex through our respective solicitors. I became eligible for Legal Aid, but it took over six months to come through and that, combined with my ex's pregnancy, meant that I would not have been able to get to court until Feb/March of this year.

My ex gave birth to her new child in January and she was no longer in a relationship with the father. From that point on everything changed and she acquiesced to my request for increased contact with my son. In fact I now enjoy just as much time with my son as I did prior to our dispute and I'm delighted with this.

I've managed to do this without setting foot inside a court. Although this has purely been through circumstance, rather than design. I haven't been particularly impressed with my solicitor, or the legal process, during the last 13 months and have felt let down on a number of occasions. Had she not have been pregnant I would have probably become entrenched in a court battle to regain shared residency, but, thankfully, this did not happen. So I've decided against pursuing this matter any further in the courts, largely because I have everything that I have asked for and what else can a court do? And, let's be honest, if I serve papers on her now regarding a court approved shared residency order, I run the risk of her stopping all contact for several months on the run up to a hearing when a judge would demand that it be reinstated. Who benefits in that scenario? Me? My Son?

So, whilst I continue to view my ex with suspicion and a certain level of disdain, I never let her know it. I'm always polite, but ensure that all of our important communication is via email or text message. Just in case.

One thing that has been constant over the last year or so, has been the support and advice I have received from other fathers that use this site. People like actd, Goonerplum, Rik, etc. I can't thank you enough for your support and kind words.

And to anyone out there going through these problems, I say this, 'don't give up!'. It does get better. And you'll be amazed at what you'll be willing to leave in the past, in order to enjoy a better future with your children!

Best wishes,

Filmmaker_1970