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well since my last topic asking for help, things have progressed, i have now seen my 8 month old daughter twice on two occasions and one coming up this week.
once before the DNA test, for roughly 4 hours
once a few weeks ago: traveled 10 hours up, saw my daughter the next day for 2 hours, then traveled home the day after for 10 hours. (not to mention the 2 hour trip each way on the visitation day).
and this week coming i will travel again another 10 hours up, see my daughter the day after for 2 days at around 3/4 hours then come home again, another 10 hours. (Once again another 2 days, 2 hour journeys each way).
As it stands i will be sending off my contact order which has been discussed by me and my solicitor, which goes something like this: from now till April, i will visit 2 weekends per month with 4 hours each day. As of April till July i will visit 2 weekends each month for 7 hours each day. As of July (this is the one im thinking most about) I will have my daughter where i live 250 miles away from her current home 1 week every month. Contact after this has not yet been agreed.
I personally am very happy that i get to see my daughter at all, it was hard enough going through what i have to find out that i have a beautiful little girl. This is also a little progress report to show everyone that you should never give up!
I am trying my hardest to make sure i revolve everything around my daughter, its hard on money especially being jobless but even tho its costing me a mint, its worth every penny!
The advice part im looking for would be, do you think that the contact order that i have said about is reasonable?
Yes the cotact order may be minimum right now but it a start. Best to start slowly and build contact over time. As you prove your a possitive father thing will improve but its a long drawn out process. This is nessesary to meet the needs of the child in the eyes of the law
Congratulation well done and enjoy every moment :woohoo:
thanks for your reply and appreciate it but it didnt really answer my question:
"The advice part im looking for would be, do you think that the contact order that i have said about is reasonable?"
Congrats on starting to see your daughter and the positive DNA test. Also wow that is a massive journey.
However on your question - I dont think it would come across as reasonable no.
Your daughter is 8 months old now. So in July, she will be 15 months and you are proposing to take her away from her primary carer, who I assume she has a reasonable attachement to, to you 250 miles away whe she will only have seen you a handful of times and never ever been overnight with you and keep her with you for a week? Im surprised that your solicitor thinks its reasonable to be honest, unless its a ploy to negotiate down?
I would have thought you would be better having your first overnights in her local environment, by staying in a hotel local to her home, so that in the event there are any problems her mum is around. I also would be surprised if anyone recommended jumping straight from no overnights to a whole week for a child so young, especially as you are propsing that you then only actually see her monthly!
Well i hope the court take in to account that the reason i haven't seen my daughter through out the 7 months of me getting the paternity is because i was told to stay away and kept out of her life, i was even told she miscarried.
As it stands its expensive for me to go and see my daughter, i would love to see her every day but its near impossible, my thinking as of now is to move up, closer to my daughter and find myself a job that way i can see her as much as possible.
My ex partner did agree that i could take my daughter to where i live between the ages of 1 and 2, even if its not for a week, as long as my daughter can meet her other side of the family and get to spend some daddy time with me, thats all that matters for me and my daughter.
I just dont want it to fade, as she is the best thing that could of ever happened to me.
thanks for the reply and i will keep you updated 🙂
Hi Matthew,
Dont think its unreasonable for you to ultimately ask for a week a month given the distances between you. I just think that its too big a jump from 7 hours near home to 1 week miles away.
I would suggest something like increasing it in the following way:
- 1 night per fortnight for 3 weeks - local to her mum in case of problems
- 2 nights per fortnight for 3 weeks - local to her mum in case of problems
- 3-4 nights - ideally still twice a month if you can (or perhaps every 3 weeks if the travelling is too much for the little one) - but at your home location
- In New Year move to one week per month
It still gets you the contact but its increased and dealt with in a much more (in CAFCASS and the courts opinion anyway) child friendly manner!
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