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I am a dad myself and over the past 5 years have been through all the troubles of a split and agreements with my ex-wife about contact with my daughter etc etc..
I now have a new GF who has a 3 year old child, she gives her ex-boyfriend (childs father) 3 days a week access. She asks him for no money, but feels threatened by him (reason she left)
Recently he has become very agressive, saying if the child is not in bed by 8pm there will be trouble ? Constant threats like this are making her worried, she is not a strong character , but I as the new BF wanted to know what rights he has to make these threats.
I realise i should maybe on a mothers forum, but i think it would be best to hear from the the Dads view on this one.
Its great she gives him 3 days a week (weekends) , but he is becoming very possessive of the child , wanting to speak everynight via phone or facetime and if he doesnt get to do that , makes threats like i will come round and take the child.
What suggestions can i give to ensure the mother stops getting upset, and the father stops with these silly accusations, as i would not want to see the child lose out by not having one of them in their life
thanks
Hi There, welcome along.
This is a really tough one as I'm sure your looking at it from the side of being a dad as well as from your partners side as well.
It does sound though that your partners ex is being unreasonable and is expecting too much, I would say that unless he is very careful he is risking getting some kind of action being taken against him as his actions aren't right.
It also sounds as though if he doesn't get his way he will make life even more difficult, that said it shouldn't stop you doing something, I say you but I mean her, Unfortunately I would say that he is possibly being this way as you are around spending time with his daughter, so for you I would say support your partner but where possible leave it to her to make contact and resolve the issue.
She need to try and set out some guidlines for what she finds acceptable, and although it would be great to be able to speak to his daughter every night this really is a lot to expect, the same with dictating that she is to be in bed at 8pm, whilst his daughter is with him then it's his decision to make but whilst with your partned its down to her, If talking to him won't make any difference then maybe a letter asking him to be more reasonable would help, giving him set days when he can speak to his daughter and saying that maybe 8pm is a guidline for bedtime but isn't a realistic sticking point.
It seems as though he is doing what most mothers seem to try and do and that's controling his ex through their child, this isn't acceptable from either party.
Good luck and keep us posted, i'm sure others will be along soon and they may have some other ideas to add.
Darren
Thanks Darren
He if a bit of a control freak, and wants the child to be schooled in his hometown (70miles) away , his choice of language when discussing these things is very concerning , as in if you dont agree there will be trouble ???
I think she needs to seek council on this. She wants the best for her child, but not at the expense of an angry Dad who wants to control the future of his child, and doesnt consider the childs mother ,or his childs feelings towards her etc.
I would be interested to know what other people think. I thinks it maybe rare to see the flipside of DAD v Mother on here
and would welcome debate ...
There is no custody agreement apart from a verbal one
It all hinges on your partner being able to state her own position and not be intimidated by her ex, but I know that's very easy for me to say when I'm not in the position that you are both in. I would certainly keep an accurate diary of what he is saying just in case its needed in future.
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