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Hello all, and thank god for this website.
I am the non biological father of a child, whom I have raised from when he was 6 weeks in his mothers womb. I have never been married to his mum, however we have lived together previously. I am not on his birth certificate, however I am named on ALL NHS, nursery and doctor documents as his father.
I have ALWAYS had FULL and NO issues with regards to access since he was born nearly 3 years ago. He considers me his daddy and I have an absolute mountain of evidence to support this. I have thousands of pictures of both of us, which are taken in a variety of situations and I have also taken pictures of drawings and gifts that he has made (Such as a professional handprint that says 'happy birthday daddy' and also a fridge magnet with out picture which says ' i love you daddy'. I was even the first person to hold him when he was born.
His mother was always abusive to me and the relationship ended due to this and simply two different personalities clashing. He has stayed with me 3-5 days a week unsupervised since we broke up (He was 1 and a half when we broke up and he has a normally fixed routine for staying with me).
He has met several of her boyfriends over the last while and when I attempted to introduce my partner of 5 months to my ex and then my child, his mother went crazy. I resorted to contacting the police as he was screaming for me and sticking his arms out towards me, she refused to let me near him.
The police spoke with her however she chose to make a complaint of assault. I was interviewed and released without charge as my current partner had witnessed it all and her story simply did not add up (Plus there was no evidence). I am awaiting a letter from the police confirming no action was taken.
I contacted her again last week to try to resolve it and she just continued to get nasty. I will shortly be meeting with a mediation service but I don't hold out much hope that she will respond to them.
Obviously I have played a substantial part in his life to date and he considers me his daddy, however I am scared to death what will happen if I have to take this to court. I have collected statements from my friends, family and colleagues that are aware of the abuse I suffered and also to clarify the amount of devotion I have to my son.
I am absolutely squeaky clean (A non drinking Catholic with a good job, safe home etc) and I am hoping to gain at the very least a contact order, I do not want full custody as I am not selfish enough to take him from his mother.
Can anyone clarify just what I can do? I am fighting the demons inside of me but I am really, really struggling to cope without him by my side.
I live in Scotland.
Please, if anyone can help.
Hi, I have no knowledge of scottish law , but I would think due to your son being the only daddy he knows you will get contact. Its a shame you didnt get parental responsibility, maybe this should be asked for. Have you been to a solicitor ?
Thanks for your reply. I've not had any proper legal advice yet only the basics - Obviously due to the time of year.
I've never 'needed' PR as I've always had unlimited access to him. It's just something we never done.
The amount of evidence is growing, I've got statements from everyone about my character and the kind of relationship I have with my son, he's even the picture on my bank card!
Hes the sole beneficiary in my will, he has his own account along side mine at the bank that I save money for him and so many other things.
Hi, I think you need to at least see a solicitor for one visit to see where you stand legally, then try mediation. Like you said every where is closed. where is the the childs bio father .
I dont think you need any more proof that you have been there for him, and have been his Daddy, I just dont know what legal rights you will have . I feel for you both , your son must wonder where you are, it sounds like she is now punishing you via your son for you moving on in your life. Have you tried asking her if you can just pop round with his pressies or to meet up together on your own. try not to argue or show upset round your son. I think she is doing what a lot of women seem to do, control you with your child when she doesnt like what you have done or not done. I understand why you didnt get PR but after reading the posts on hear I would strongly advise it to anyone to enure they are on the birth certificate or get a PR . or even get married yikes !!
His real dad did a runner after the dirty deed - He couldn't stand her attitude.
I offered the day after I was released by the police to pop over for 5 mins to which she said no. So I'm praying that if I text on Christmas morning that she will at least allow me to leave his cards by the door.
The poor little soul has no idea what is going on and will only be wondering where his daddy is. The cruelest part is that he will want to show me all his new toys and he is being denied that right.
I plan to visit a solicitor and attend mediation on Jan 4th.
Meanwhile I'm praying like [censored] to St Jude.
Good Morning and Merry Christmas to you.
The Patron Saint Of Lost Causes may not be the best place to start with your campaign to see your son.
But certainly a quality solicitor offer a free consultation may be. With particular regard to the PR issue. This may be more than a little "fly in the ointment". If there are "personality" issues with your ex they will more than likely show themselves in this issue. No doubt she will play on that. That does not mean that all is lost but that the route to seeing your son may just be that little more convaluted and therefore more lengthy.
The idea to go for PR with all the evidence that you hold is a great place to start and will give a clear signal to your ex of your intentions.
You are not alone. We all are here for you. Lets get ourselves through this difficult time of year without our children.
If you need any further help, just ask.
Brian
Thank you for the replies. For me right now the church is what is giving me a little bit of hope. What else can I do until everyone goes back to work? I have an appointment on 4th Jan with the mediation and will contact a solicitor on the 3rd.
Fingers crossed.
Thankfully something positive today.
I've met with two different solicitors and chosen one of them to represent me.
Both agree that I stand a good chance based on the circumstances should the matter go as far as court.
Feeling better but still struggling.
Hi , well thats very positive news
. Did you manage to leave his presents ?
I didn't attempt to leave his presents, as far as I'm concerned he is still to have what he missed out on over at my house so presents can wait.
I was able to leave his cards by the door however I'm sure that mine would have been ripped to shreds and hers kept.
I have been tempted to text asking how he is but don't think it's that good an idea.
Very painful right now not knowing how he is.
Well a little update,
I've been to mediation and the solicitor so the ball is rolling on both.
I've been told that I have a good case as I've kept myself whiter than white and the 'assault' isn't anything against me as it was without charge.
Just so glad Christmas is over!
Well not the greatest news tonight. I texted saying I hope he is safe and well and was told that she was going to contact the police should I contact her again blah blah. It's no where near harrassment but the police have made this whole thing ten times worse.
Mediation out the window, there's not a chance so will be instructing the solicitor to make ready for court tomorrow morning.
Mind you, I've 'not got any rights and can't get any' according to her.
continue to keep yourself whiter than white and it will be much easier for you in court. Sounds like you're doing everything right.
It's the court part that has me petrified.
'What if they say no' is what's got me worried sick.
There are no guarantees with court, but make sure you are fully prepared, and as long as your requests are reasonable, the court will often be accommodating.
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