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Thank you for your help both:)
With regards to Xmas, special occasions etc, I've always been at her mercy.
I'm not sure how often she works , I'm not convinced it's as often as she tells my son tbh .
So I'm struggling to set put a clear proposal based around her work.
But what I do know is that I'm totally flexible. I do tend to work Saturday mornings ,on these instances when my son is with me, he will stay at my parents until I get home around 1pm. But that's not often and he looks forward to staying there. They live over the road from me,he also has his own bedroom there.
I'm able to pick my son up from school as I rarely work later than 2pm. Even if not, there is a bus stop outside my home and the bus route would drop him off right outside his school .
I see no plausible reason to be denied extra contact other than the fact his mother simply does not like him coming here .
But , having been to the family courts before, I am wary.
The last situation involved her taking my son out of the school system completely, moving home without informing me . And having a live in bf with a DV police record longer than my arm .
All the while denying me contact which I had to fight tooth and nail for .
I just fear the outcome of taking the family courts route does not improve the situation for both my son and myself . Im aware of the impact these matters have on children and I don't want to risk doing this if it doesn't help our situation. That's the fear
I feel your frustration. Ex is unwilling to participate in mediation but the alternative is the court process which is long, tiresome and acrimonious.
There is no doubt that a court would order more contact between you and your son. However as I mentioned before, the arrangements are kept simple, black and white, rather than change every week according to your or your ex's work schedule. The latter is simply not possible to adhere to nor is enforceable.
The other option is for you to wait until your son is 16. At that age, children are legally able to move out of home. He would be able to travel straight from school to your home mon-fri and your ex nor the police would have powers to force him to go to stay at his mum's.
Basically it might not be worth embarking on a 9-10 months legal battle if your son will turn 16 in 18 months.
@mrstrange thank you , my son is still only 13 but will be 14 come September.
I guess we shall see how things progress ,I have a MIAM video call on the 25th of this month .
I do have a contact number for my sons grandmother.I have text her recently expressing my concerns and told her something has to change. That I need to speak to my sons mother. I did also say that if she's not willing to discuss things , that I'd have to take it to mediation and the legal route . Which I don't want . No reply from her 🙁 .
Sure. When you write a proposal to your ex, keep it simple and easy to adhere to. Focus on child arrangements and avoid accusations of safeguarding or wellfare issues that might make her defence and withdraw from mediation.
A Child Arrangements Order expires when the young person reaches the age of 18. However, you can only apply for a Child Arrangements Order for a child aged between 16-18 in exceptional circumstances. https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/residence/#:~:text=A%20Child%20Arrangements%20Order%20expires,16%2D18%20in%20exceptional%20circumstances.
as you have been through courts before, then your experienced. It is very common for dads to get every other weekend, and half the school holidays if you want that. My children are much younger and I am seeking more contact with them. have already been through 2 court applications. was pretty straightforward.
I think the only issues you may face is when Cafcass talk to your child, he may be hesitant and say that he doesn't want to spend more time with you.
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