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Hi i'm new to this forum and after some advice and/or previous experiences from other loving Dads.
I willl cut the story short as i can. I have a 9 month old son who is my world, i have PR as my name is on the birth certificate, my ex split up with me while she was pregnant and moved on with another guy 3 months later. It has been a struggle with her ever since my son was born to be a part of his life and if i'm honest i know she would rather i just dissapeared and left her and her new partner raise my child and treat him as the dad (which she does anyway). She has put him into Nursery now she has returned to work and refuses to tell me which one, im self employed and can take the time off to visit him etc. Now she is only saying i can see him once a fortnight. This was the final straw for me and after months of trying to be amicable with her i have applied for mediation as i want to see more of my son, plus i know that this is mandatory now before a court procedure goes ahead. If she refuses medation i will go straight to court. I have a nice home, and have no reason why we can't spend more time together.
Has anybody been in a similar situation? I would love to have my son for the weekend and overnight stays etc. As i am self employed i can also take a day off in the week to look after him instead of nursery. What do you think i am entitled to. Thanks guys for reading this and thanks again in advance for any replies
Hi Loving Dad,
What a predicament.
First off, you seem to have done your homework. I would probably say it may be easier to go through courts to sort of force the hand relating to mediation. Yes the courts will order this. Even if your ex refuses now, a court will order it somewhere down the line.
If it is indeed true that your ex is now treating the "new man" as the Dad then her actions are highly questionable. It is afterall clear that you are wanting something to do with your son. Many women seem to think its OK for their children to call the "new man" Dad or Daddish, Daddyo and other similarities. As Dads it would be unthinkable for us to have our child call our "new woman" Mum, Mummish or Mummyo.
As you have PR you have certain rights relating to information that "is there" so to speak. You do have rights relating to the Doctors Surgery. In relation to the Nursery it is obtaining the Nursery. One thing i would do is to contact HMRC and you may have to provide idenitification. HMRC should have on record the Nursery where your son is going, providing she qualifies for Tax Credits. As you have PR, HMRC are obliged to provide to you this information. Your ex is too, technically obliged to tell you this, but more realistically they will not disclose it.
As a similar example my ex refused to give to me her new Doctors. Which upon calling her bluff she told me. As long as you get your facts right, the truth follows.
In any event of contact, don't give up, you definately have a case. In another thread here i have explained the procedure for the contact order. Post back if there is any help you need.
Contact Order: http://hmctsformfinder.direct.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c100_e.pdf
Hi
Thanks so much for the reply. I am again wondering what to do know. My ex has still not given me the Nursery details even though i have sent letters to her solicitor asking for this. Also after being asked many time she has finally booked an appointment with Mediation but not till end of November which is 3 months away. This is just another tactic of hers to delay matters so. Any advice?
Thanks Again
Hi Loving Dad,
If your ex hasn't provided you with the Nursery details did you try contacting HMRC? Failing this you could get this information through raising the Contact Application. A legal adviser (present on the first "interim" meetings) should be able to force her to provide this information. I would certainly include in your next letter to her Solicitor that should your wife not disclose this information voluntarily you will seek to have the courts get disclosure of this.
I believe you when you say that this is a delay tactic. I would say to be aware that again as i stated in my first reply, a court application once submitted takes 4-6wks for an initial hearing (after which mediation will be ordered) and mediation is (highly) likely to be ordered within 3-6weeks. So possibly only a 7wk wait at best and a similar wait at worst case scenario 🙂
Remember any agreement that you do obtain through mediation should (and this would be in your best interests as well as your childs regarding maintaining contact) be rubber stamped by the courts. Mediation is only a verbal agreement and there is nothing in relation to penalties for breaking it and it will become your word vs hers... and i'm sorry to say but often her word as custodian will overrule yours.
Hi Guys
Just to give you an update. I had my assessment appointment at Mediation to which i was advised to go to court due to how unreasonable my ex has been. She filled in the FM1 form so that going to court would be easier. The 1st hearing is on 19th October.
I will be asking for more contact, i know he is only 10 months but i have asked for fri-mon every other weekend and alternate mondays, also the details of where he attends Nursery.
All of the above the Mediator didnt think was unreasonable. I really hope i can get this contact as i miss my son so much.
Hi Loving Dad
It sounds as if you have been given good advice by the mediator and now it is down to the courts to decide. Good luck for your first hearing on 19th October and let us know how you get on.
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