[Solved] Visitation! How much?

Hi

I think that your ex obviously doesn't want to go to court, you should suggest mediation and have a good chance that, as long as you are reasonable, then you should be able to get reasonable access. I would certainly start to talk to your ex about increasing contact, making it clear that you are prepared to go to court to increase your contact, but keep it factual, don't make it personal, and if it starts to become confrontational, walk away and try again when it's cooled down.

I hate the thought of going to court and would much rather keeps things amicabke between us, but showing my son that he has a Dad who he can rely on for the rest of his life is most important to me

I agree, and pretty much anyone on here will tell you that court should always be the last resort. As I see it, in your case, the fact that your ex obviously doesn't want to go to court gives you a good advantage in any negotiations, and as long as you use that wisely and reasonably, you may well avoid having to do so.

Hi - I feel your pain, I've been there (mediation & county and District courts)

Mediation is good for finances because money is easily divided by 2, then adjusted a bit. Mediator's try to do the same with contact and the dad ends up with 1/2 of what he wanted because Mum's don't flex on contact.

Things to bear in mind: Courts will be very cautious with arrangements for any child under 3. Mum is not to be upset because that upsets the child - to a point. That point being - minimal contact required to keep the child's relationship with Dad in place. By what you describe she's providing more than minimal contact, just some fine tuning is required to make it suit both parties.

However you my friend are entitled to a life. Dad's can't take half days each Wednesday from work to spend time with baby, at least not working professionals. So first, get rid of Wednesday pm by agreement.

Second, baby is young, so mum will be supported if she says 2 consecutive nights from home is too long right now. However, baby will not always be a baby. Soon baby will be playing footie in the back garden. When your son is 3 you should have him from Fri night to Sun teatime on alternate weekends as long as you can demonstrate impeccable behaviour. This will give you and your son a full day and night in normal contact. Judges will support that.

For hols, again with time you can get longer spells of contact, but really only by consent or from 3 years of age through a visit to court.

There is little reference material on this area, known as quantum of contact where the principle of contact has been agreed, but Alan Sealey of CAFCASS has produced a guideline in the past. If you can't find it on t' Interweb let me know.

In summary - by agreement with the ex, phase out Wednesdays, maybe try one Fri - Sun as a trial and then look to increase contact from 3 years (build your ex's expectation of this).

Apart from that you appear to be doing well and for that you should be congratulated.

I had a gruelling time and now have a court order with attached punitive notice that has been adhered to ever since being issued, so court may have a place in your arsenal if you require it when the time is right.

Thank you so much for the effort on your reply. Could you please send me that link to Alan Searley of CAFCASS