[Solved] Welfare concerns, cafcass, school!

Hi Mark,

the story sounds quite concerning. Stay strong! I have never heard of a 4yo self-harming but anything is possible.

Just to clarify - do you have PR? If you have genuinely concerns about your child self harming contact the GP ASAP!

Otherwise you can contact social services about concerns about the welfare of the child - if there are any other concerns.

You are perfectly entitled to request a copy of social services notes under the freedom of information act. £10 and a letter confirming you would like a copy to the data protection manager and you will have a copy within 42 days. If you are going to do this, make sure it is done in the next few days because this sort of thing drags on and never gets done.

Good luck!

Thanks boycie, I know self harming sounds extreme but he hurts himself and that's the way I could think of putting it! I messaged you as don't want too much on open boards.

I've had this fight before, I can't take him to my GP because he isn't registered with me and it's not a medical emergency and I can't take him to his doctor because she can find out whatever she wants and will get a text reminder of the appointment. I tried everything last year for him to see a doctor while he was saying what was going on, anyone 'official' to listen to him and vouch for him saying it.

Yes I do have PR, I'll be writing for a copy of the records tomorrow!

How about taking him to A&E? It sounds to me that his situation is worsening. You could also write a letter to the judge who was sitting at the hearing and telling him about the developments and the problems you are having in getting the authorities to take it on board. You could request that the next hearing is bought forward.

I would take the advice of CAFCASS and contact SS and report what is happening. Keep your own records too.

It might also be a good idea to write this in a statement and file it with the court so that the information is there for the next hearing.

Thankyou Mojo, I'm going to phone my GP to see if they can see him Friday evening, [censored] I'll tell them I need to see someone urgently and take him with me.

I've been told by the court this morning I need to take a letter to court and see if I can wait around and get a judge to adjust the court order - it's very vague and doesn't say specifically when I pick him up and drop it off, the last thing I need is his mother taking advantage of that, it needs to be black and white, this day and time until this day and time. I'll also write another letter to be included about all of this and hand that in too, if I get the opportunity to see a judge (which is what the court implied on the phone about the court order) then I'll go into it then.

Mother has today ceased contact between us, has changed her email address and ignoring her phone. Not that I'm hassling her, just the usual 'how is he, what's he been up to' message that I send every evening, she hasn't responded. The last time we spoke four days ago she accused me of all the things under the sun that she could think of and went barmy out of nowhere, said some pretty colourful things about court too! Thank heavens for screen shots! :whistle:

Hi Mark,

may have misunderstood but why not contact his mothers GP and raise your concerns. He would go for check ups with the health visitor and the mother may have taken him to the GPs. You may also get a copy of his medical notes.

My personal opinion is do not go to A+E - go via the GP. The potential with A+E is that they then raise all sort of issues that might be disporpotionate.

Form your description it may not be self harming but more attention seeking behaviour. Self harm implies that one is potentially trying to do away with themselves which is why I thought it was odd. Just terminology mate.....

Iron out the facts, feed back then decide about how you move form here....eg applying for an emergency order.

BW

Have a look here, it gives advice and support about self harming in children. Self harming doesn't mean attempting suicide, it's more about inflicting pain on the person during times of anxiety and traumatic events.

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/parenting-advice/self-harming/self-harming_wda94588.html

Thanks Boycie, I really don't know what to class it as - it really doesn't come across as attention seeking, it's more of an anxious reaction. He doesn't do it in temper, or when he's in trouble, or anything like that, even just a "I want to stay here, I don't want to see her" he'll start doing it.. and does it a lot more when he says "I'm not allowed to say" etc. Anxious, confused, concerned about what to say is the best way to describe his mood when he does it. It's the way he does it so slowly, starts flinching but carries on anyway, I've seen him countless times punch himself in temper but this is so different, so deliberate, he'll just sit/stand and do it, flinching away, while saying whatever it is he's saying about her, then as soon as he stops talking about her, his mood lightens and he's running around like duracell bunny - but with bright red patches!

Try either her or your GP. If her GP aint interested - do try and get your son seen this week with your GP. I believe as joint PR there is no reason why you couldnt register at your practice. Try and avoid friday afternoon and book it sooner in case stuff needs to be set in place ahead of the weekend.

I can't register him with my gp as he doesn't live with me, his gp is 20miles away and I was told he can't be registered in two places at once. The only way I could register him at mine was if he moved here and couldn't go to his gp anymore. I would prefer to get him seen before Friday but he's with his mother until then - that's if she doesn't muck around.

Give them a call. You as a father have joint resposibility of your child. Call the practice up - explain you would like to speak to the GP about your child. They will usually call you back and explain that you are concerned about your child, then mention you are separated but you are really worried. The GP then may request mum comes in with the child I guess.

Good luck!

I think MM is trying to avoid letting the mother know that he is seeking help for his son, his son gets frightened when his mother knows he has been talking to his Dad.

MM....When your son starts self harming you need to get photos/video of him doing it as proof....your biggest problem has always been getting people to take what's happening seriously. This has been going on for so long now.

I think A&E has to be an option at some point, what's the worse they can do? Call in the Social Services, but it will be a different SS department and they might take it more seriously.

My only concern is that A+E may just refer him to the GP to be investigated as an outpatient and it backfires when his son behaves normally and the raise concerns about the father. Small but possible chance.

Consider ringing her GP (perhaps get some photo/video evidence if you can) as a father you have an equal right to highlight concerns.

BW

I spent a productive 50 minutes on the phone to the surgery receptionist, educating her on parental responsibility and how I DON'T need to permanently register him at the surgery OR get the mothers written permission to take him in. I mean, really, I can register him as a visiting patient to take him in for a cough but I can't do anything to get him seen about this? The manager is ringing me back tomorrow. I'm also expecting a call back from the social worker.

Does anyone have any links to templates I could use to word my court letters? One regarding making the court order more specific and one outlining the changes since I started these proceedings and begging asking them nicely to bring it forward?

Thats good work. The receptionist was never gonna be helpful - but speak to the practice manager - explain you are really worried about him and would just like an assessment.

I gather you may not want your wifes GP to investigate or obvious reasons but in the interest of your son it may be worth doing.

I would wait till there is something happening like a referral to get you more chance of bringing your hearing earlier.

if you go to A&E they have to fill out safeguarding forms, this then gets sent to social services and investigated from there. A&E will document everything that you say and they are really good with taking into consideration emotional concerns for the child. My mum works there and said that it will show an effective paper trail with your and a professionals concerns that social services have to act on.

Thanks JP21, I was anxious about taking him to A+E as it's a long journey and a long wait, I don't want him any more upset than he is already. Definitely something to bear in mind though! Would the GP report have the same effect? Manager called me back yesterday and apologized for the confusion, said it was fine to take him in whenever I have him next under a temporary register.

Court order has been adjusted as administration who drew it up 'didn't see' the part in the judges notes about days/times, picking up the new one this afternoon once it's been signed by a judge again.

All in all a productive, helpful week! Left another message for social worker, still nothing, surprise surprise. Ex still has communications blocked across the board, fingers crossed she doesn't try anything tomorrow!

Doctor said she thinks he has anxiety, I'm to get back to her in four weeks to tell her if he's still going it and in that time she's going to ask childrens health on how to deal with it as she has no experience of someone so young.

His headteacher said she spoke to social services to get past reports and they told her if any new concerns came to light she's to speak to his mother and not them (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

It's going to be a very interesting phone call to cafcass on Monday.

He's very excited, hyper and happy to be here. He's cried a few times saying he needs to stay longer, he's said the usual 'mummy said I have to say this', nothing new.

Have you been to your MP? I really think that Social Services are actually negligent in their attitude to you, but more importantly to your son.... If you are reporting that the mother is causing much of his anxiety/behaviour then why on earth are they then telling the school to report back to her!

I really think your MP would listen to you and when you list the catalogue of errors and incompetence by Social Services then he is in a position to take action. This has been going on for months now and your little boy needs intervention....

My sentiments exactly, I'm livid but numb. I've always known they've completely mucked up - understatement! - during his life but to hear that they've put like that.. proof.. was shell shocking.

Made a list of who to contact, going to try and spend a happy weekend with him then all go on Monday after school run. Cafcass, MP, possibly whoever I can report social services to!

Check the OFSTED report on your local authority children's services department....(SS). When my son was fighting for custody and getting nowhere with SS I came across the OFSTED report on the SS where we live and it was damning... They were on a special improvement order for failing the children in their care, my grandson included. When we made them aware that we knew about it and told the judge their attitude changed....they backtracked and decided that my grandson would be better off with his daddy and we were awarded residence. I'm not saying this will happen but if they are on an improvement order or have a bad report you could perhaps use this as leverage.

Their last OFSTED report was last year and it was absolutely shocking, as far as I can remember, they were given a short time limit to show improvements fast or a private firm would be brought in.

Is there anything CAFCASS can do? They say any concerns or changes then to phone them even if I haven't heard from them yet, what do they do with information, log it, talk to the judge?

Is there such thing as a nice, understanding cafcass officer? :unsure: Still wary of course because it was only the first time I'd spoken to her and I know it's still a long way to go and a lot can change.

I phoned yesterday and although she was busy and it was an out of the blue phone call, she basically did the first phone interview she didn't have a chance to do before the first hearing. Her reactions to things I said weren't "yes, no, ok" like I expected but "oh my word, that's awful, I completely agree with you it's not right, I'm very concerned too"etc. She asked about relationship between my son and stepdaughters and Ex and stepdaughters and for the latter I explained that he comes here repeating extremely derogatory comments about them which have come from Ex. She replied "that's horrifying, obviously you can get things said in the heat of the moment between children and children, and adults and adults but from an adult to a four year old child about other children is shocking behaviour".

She said she's very concerned about it in general and the new things that have come to light and wants to come out and see me in person ASAP, apparently the first home interview for just parents wasn't scheduled to be until mid-November but she's brought mine forward in four weeks. She said she wishes she could get to me sooner but this is the first available appointment as they are chocka block and she's got annual leave at the start of October.

I'm crossing my fingers that it was all genuine and she won't twist anything, or meet Ex and fall hook line and sinker for her rubbish but it was a very positive phone call.

She also got very frustrated about social services, she said any non urgent concerns then email them straight to her but if anything immediately concerning arises then contact social services and tell them she's told me to tell them so hopefully they'll listen.

Is there such thing as a nice, understanding cafcass officer? :unsure:

50% of parents will think there is, the other 50% will disagree - I think my Cafcass officer was brilliant, but my ex certainly didn't.

I thought it'd be along those lines! :whistle: