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Hi all looking for some advice:-
My wife walked out of the family home on Sunday and took my daughter of 7 & her son 11 from a previous relationship.However I love them both as my own.
She said that she has not seen a solicitor and she doesn't intend to either ???
She visited me earlier today to dicuss finances & access to the children and this is what she has proposed.
A) She said that she will live with her parents and pay her outstanding catalogues etc etc of £2000 (I have no idea what the total balance is though), car finance £200 per month and she also said that she will pay for the children.
I can stay in the family home and pay the outstanding credit cards, loans & overdraft. In total this about £17,500 and all of my own bills.
All other bills we shall pay ourselves.
B) She said she is very flexible with me seing the children, infact they are staying over on Monday & Wednesday night. She works in retail so she works weird and wonderful hours (weekends, bank holidays etc etc) So i Guess the children will stay with me 2-3 nights a week.
Does this seem fair ??
It gets very complicated with regards to the family home because my father lent us £130,000 towards the property and I paid the balance from the sale of my previous home. My wife did not contribute towards the purchase of the property but mine and her names only appear on the title deeds.
The family home is valued at £260,000.
She says that she has no interest in the house at the moment, but in a couple years her circumstances may change (new partner I guess).
My main concern is that if we do decide to sell, then my father will be tapping me on the shoulder for his initial loan. I don't know how ruthless she will be i.e. will she expect 50% of the £260K or would she be be entitled to 50% of the balance after my father has taken back his kindly lent money.
Should she request the sale of the property, should I just stay put and refuse. At the end of the day she was the one who decided to move out?
I'm very,very numb and confused at the moment becasue as I said earlier she only left me on Sunday and to be honest I don't know which way to turn.
Hi there,
It sounds as though you have a very good starting point for both contact and finances, it does sound though with 17k + to pay off you have the lions share of the debt, but I guess if she isn't looking for child support then in the long run you it could work out okay.
I think though you are right to be looking to the future and what issues "could" arrived, it would be worth trying to get a solid agreement set out and get this written into a formal agreement by a solicitor, it does sound as though you may be able to avoid the normal legal battles as your ex seems to be being reasonable.
Make sure the agreement covers what happens to you house in the future, child support and contact between you and your children.
Going on to how you feel this is also really normal, feeling numb is about right especially if you didn't see this coming.
If you want to talk about feelings or anything else going on feel free this is a safe place to discuss and get advice.
Keep us updated as to how things are going and join in the chat.
Darren
Hi
I think Darren's covered most things, so I'll just comment on the house. If you sold the house, then the equity would be shared, not the sale price. As things stand, you have an outstanding loan of £130k, and I'm sure it would be easy to prove that your father provided the money, though unless there is a written agreement, your ex may claim it was a gift, and not a loan.
Hi all and thanks for the above valued advice.
This moning the wife dropped the kids clothing off for tonights stay and I asked if we could put the finances down in writting, but she said there was no need.
She also said that she did also mention on Saturday that she would require a contribution of £200 per month towards the childrens rent, food etc etc & child minder fees. The child minder is the mother-in-law.
We have been paying her mother the child minder costs by standing order of £400 per month.
Hi Martin,
Hope you had an good weekend, bet your looking forward to having your children stay tonight.
I really think that you do need to get everything down in writting so you know where you stand, if you don't the whole thing could go from being reasonable to nasty very quickly as you have nothing to refer back to and everything becomes one view against another as to what was agreed.
This seems to have been highlighted with regards to paying towards the children. I would highlight this and put it accross that it will help you both to be able to move forward and plan how everything will work out. It will help her too as it will mean that you can't suddenly decide that your unhappy with something and change it.
Darren
Hi,
I agree with Darren, everything should go into a Clean Break (Deed of Separation)... you could always pitch it to your ex that this is for both the protection of your finances as well as hers.
In the interests of the "just in case" element. I would start keeping a diary, sometimes when it comes to money and children, things unfortunately can turn very sour, very quickly.
Although she has said that she will pay for the children, she could also still make a claim for the children through the CSA. I believe the CM Options are linked on the sight, might be worth a look...
Things have gone downhill today (see my other post)
We argued earlier today and she shouted that she should be in the family home, but she was the one who moved out ?? Could she force me to move out of the house ?? or could she force me to sell up ??
Hi,
This was something I was concerned about when you first wrote on the site as althougth it seemed all friendly from the start it doesn't always stay that way.
I'm not sure how you stand legally on being able to stay in the house, you would need to seek legal advice over that, most solicitors will offer a 1 hour free consultation where although this is mainly to fact find about your situation and gather all your details, you are able to exstract some legal advice from them, may be worth looking into as even if you manage to make an agreement through mediation it would need to be written into a binding agreement be a solicitor (or judge if court proccess has been started)
Darren
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