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Not sure where to begin really but here goes, when I found out my ex wife was seeing someone else we separated, with her taking my 4 year old son and her daughter from her first marriage with her. As time progressed over the next week or so people were falling over themselves to tell me what they knew about her antics during our marriage, which only lasted just over 4 years. About 2 weeks after leaving my stepdaughter had an asthma attack and ended up in hospital for a week, during which time I went to collect some clothes from my ex wife's cousin who told me "he's not yours you know but when she's had enough of him being in the way and he comes to live with me I'll let you see him whenever you want". Obviously this was a complete bombshell as I never suspected anything, and my ex denied it, unsurprisingly. 3 years ago my son's mother died of a paracetamol overdose and he came to live with me with the usual problems associated with stepchildren and new partners, compounded by his mothers venom, while she was still alive, directed at first towards me and then towards my new partner when she came to live with me. In May this year his mothers cousin asked if my son could go and stay overnight and with my belief that he should see his mothers family I agreed, as usual. While he was there I found out that she had taken mouth swabs of him and another man who my son had never met before, telling him that it was a diabetes test and that the other man was another relative, them being the only two family members who had not been tested.
I was completely stunned that she would do something as vile as that to a 13 year old boy who was still struggling with his mothers demise so I informed the police who initially couldn't see how they could do anything, but on recieving a letter from my MP looked again, with the two people involved receiving police cautions!!! I am still angry about this as the obtaining of dna samples by deception is a criminal offence which carries a potential jail sentence, which would be more appropriate given the destruction caused. As a result of this me and him have had to go to the doctor and arrange for our own dna test as the other man involved is making noises about being his biological father although he says he wants nothing to do with him.
The problem I have, in addition to the mental anguish for both him and me, is that following an allegation he made against my partner he was taken by the social services and now lives with my parents with me being told by the SS that it is a voluntary placement and I must pay for his upkeep to the tune of £50 per week. This is financially crippling me and my new family ( three other children). I have no intention of abandoning him but I cannot afford to keep this up, is it possible to get your money back from the CSA if it is proven that he is not biologically mine, I was paying for three years before she died.
Sorry this is so long winded, there's a lot more gone on than just this and I can't afford to employ solicitors to persue the people involved in the dna disgrace privately.
Hi there,
I feel for you and your son, this all sounds like a complete mess.
Your ex's cousin shouldn't have meddled in trhe way she did and I can see why you are fighting this so hard, that said if you were suspicious of a child being yours I'm sure you would want to know the truth too, but would I'm sure have the front to go about it properly.
With regards to the mony paid I will ask our child maintenance team to drop by and give some advice for you as I don't know how this would work.
Darren
Thanks for the reply, my anger is mainly directed at his mothers cousin, rather than the other man, because she was the driving force behind the dna test, the reason she gave the police was that if the test was positive for the other man she would use the result to take him off me. He initially told her, allegedly, that the test was negative and then changed his story when the police questioned him. I can't get my head round him getting involved with dna testing if he's not interested in him and all this has done is destroy the security my son had. I am intending to find out which company did the testing and who gave them the authority to do so as neither me, as sole person with parental responsibility, nor my son signed anything although only a few of the companies I emailed have replied so far.
Cheers, Mark
Hi,
I'm William the Child Maintenance Options consultant, sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time at the moment.
The Child Support Agency (CSA) approach is discretionary and can take full account of the individual circumstances of each child support case and the parents and children involved when considering how to collect or enforce payments. The CSA has a range of powers, intended to ensure all parents fulfil their financial responsibilities towards their children.
Once you've received the results of your DNA tests you may wish to contact the CSA directly. I’m sorry but we can't look into individual cases here. If you would like to contact the CSA then I am sure they will be happy to look into your case. You can find contact details on any letter the CSA have sent to you. Or, you can find the right number here: https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/contact/index.asp.
If you'd prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline).
Thank you for the message, when I receive the results of the dna test I will ring the csa although I am not hopeful of getting anything refunded from previous payments as I can't find any evidence that they will do this. Obviously I would be delighted if he were proved to be mine regardless of the money aspect, after all I was there when he was born and had no idea, naive fool that I was, that I may not have been there at the conception. It's easy to let this stuff eat away at you, at least we will know one way or the other. I will never forgive the people involved in wrecking his life, especially the revolting creature who facilitated the dna test with no regard for his stability, and I still hope to pursue at least one of them legally. His mother's cousin signed someones name on the consent form and I'm determined to find out who she claimed to be. It's also about time dna testing firms were regulated, I've had to provide witnessed identification for both me and him before being tested so he was previously tested without any proper identification or authorisation.
Apologies again for going on a bit but I have good and bad days and this one isn't very good, I don't know how my son copes so well with all this on his shoulders.
Cheers, Mark
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