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Hi there I looking for some advice on whether I should pursue contact through the courts for shared residency.
The background- I split with my partner of 15 years last Sept after I found her having an affair. She is only allowing me access on a Friday night and occasionally a Saturday night if it suits her. I have also been allowed some extra contact in the school holidays. I have discussed it with my two girls and they tell me that this is not enough, they are 11 and 13 years old and I respect their understanding of the situation. My ex's excuse for me not having further contact is that it would be too disruptive on their school life and she does not trust me to get them ready for school and do their lunches.Since splitting I have had little input into their education, when I lived with them I was the one who took them to school everyday and helped with their homework.My work situation gives me exactly 50% of the week off, so I would be able to care for them full time on the days that I would have them without the need for using childcare. I tried to get her to go to mediation last December but she refused as they wanted to discuss property issues as well as the children,she has kept everything in the home and obviously this would not have been seen to be reasonable in the eyes of the mediators. She did drag this issue out over several months until I got the certificate to go to court. My solicitor applied to the court but after a couple of months the court sent us back mediation to discuss the children,after dragging it out again she again refused. So now I am looking for some advice as to whether i should drag my children through the court process unnessecarily if the outcome is not going to be favourable.
I would think that if this is something that your kids want & you want that it's definately worth considering. How much would your children need to be involved in the process?
Hi thanks for your response, my children tell me that they want to be with more and it is definetely what i want.My only worry is that they are just telling me what i want to hear. As for the children being involved it is my understanding that they would have to have a meeting with cafcass. Things have now changed though, my ex has now confirmed to me that she has a new partner. She refuses to tell me who he is. I am fine that she has met someone else but I am very worried about the children's safety. I have been told that this new man was somebody she met on the internet so I question what she really knows about him. She tells me that the children have had no contact with him yet and will not have any for a while. I need to find out If I have a right to know who he is. I have told the children that their mother has met someone else,they don't seem too happy about it. i have told them that when they meet him that if they do not like him or feel uncomfortable around him that my door will always be open. I am now considering going for full custody of my children.
Hi dunky
You need to check back with your solicitor on these, but I will add my thoughts.
Firstly, the fact that your ex met someone through the internet isn't necessarily a problem - I met my wife (current, not ex) through internet dating, and I couldn't have found anyone better. Also, if you ex isn't introducing him to your children yet, that sounds as if she is waiting to see if the relationship works first, which I would say is quite responsible.
As for going for full custody, I would say that your chances of success are extremely slim as the courts generally do not move a child unless there are significant welfare issues.
I don't know enough about joint custody to comment on this, but your solicitor should be able to advise on this, and I would say you should difinitely be looking at a contact order to get your contact increased.
Your children won't be dragged through the court - if the courts wants their opinion (and I hope they would at this stage), then Cafcass will speak to the children and present their opinions to the court - you do need to have a good chat to your children to try to find out exactly what they want, and not what you want to hear, but it's also good for them to know that you are prepared to fight for what they want.
hi Dunky,
1/ it sounds like your solicitor is utter [censored] get a decent McKenzie friend things should progress a lot faster for you
2/Your daughters are Gillick competent ie their views should be taken into account at the ages you have stated as the courts should act in the best interests of the children.
3/Get the matter into court asap fill out a C100 form stating you want shared resident if your daughters both want this state that on the application too.
The longer you leave it the less chance you will have also i cannot believe the advice you have been given above this is the sort of advice i would expect on biased advice I would expect to see on mums forums!!
and yes bring the matter to court you have a very strong case.
Regards Mark Hammond
Hi Dunky,
I would say that you've got a good chance of increasing your level of contact. Your ex is being obstructive and your solicitor will have a record of your attempts at mediation. If your name appears on each of your daughters birth certificates, you will have Parental Responsibility and it is your RIGHT to be consulted on their education.
Your ex has the right to see who she wants, as do you. I shared similar concerns when my ex started seeing someone else, but it was her decision and she didn't actually need my permission. I hated the thought of another man around my kids, but there's nothing you can do unless there's clear evidence to suggest that he poses a risk.
I actually agree with ACTD. His advice is some of the best you'll get on here 🙂 I'm not sure whether a shared residence order is the best option for you, although they are becoming more popular - usually as a consequence of successful mediation. Whatever you decide to do, the opinion of both of your daughters will be presented to the court and taken into consideration.
Cheers,
FM '70
Hi Dunky,
I actually agree with ACTD. His advice is some of the best you'll get on here 🙂 I'm not sure whether a shared residence order is the best option for you, although they are becoming more popular - usually as a consequence of successful mediation. Whatever you decide to do, the opinion of both of your daughters will be presented to the court and taken into consideration.
Cheers,
FM '70
I agree, actd has given a realistic view of what should be considered, you need to consider all avenues as if/when you go to court the judge will look to ensure that you and your ex have tried to resolve the issues yourself before making an order, if you are able to at least try and discuss and sort out things between the 2 of you before getting into the court room then it will show you have at least tried.
Darren
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