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hello, i am writing now in a total stress, cold sweaty hands and the shakes. i am a dad of 2 (19month boy and 3.5yrold girl). i am a dutiful dad i take a day of a week just to be with them in day and have a very close relationship with them. me and my partner last night came to the realisation that we are going to separate. i am the provider for the family and am quite happy to keep the children and mum in a the same house and lifestyle up to the point where the mum can start to earn a more significant income. i am not rich but i have no issue with supporting them the best i can. the one thing is the mother is a very very angry person particularly at present. she has said i can only have them every weekend at present, i have said i would like to pick them up thursday mornings for school and have them stay with me thursday , friday drop of saturday and then every other weekend, i would also pay for a nanny on the wednesday to enable extra support and keep things balanced.
am i entitled to this? do i lose my rights if i move out? plus am i missing something?
sorry if i seem over the top but i am feeling really scared and vulnerable at the moment.
if anyone is out there who can give some advice it would be greatly appreciated.
Hi There,
I'm not surprised your feeling scared, I think tjhat what your offering is fair, and if you manage to gain this contact it would be great.
I would suggest that you maybe try to see if you could use mediation to talk things through as if your childrens mum is angry then the mediator would hopefully be able to moderate the conversations so you can discuss this calmly.
Some people find mediation works and some don't but I would say its should be the first thing to try, if your not managing to resolve on your own.
I would say don't forget to make your arrangements future proof and discuss what will happen as your children get older and ensure you discuss christmas and birthdays also as this can be a difficult conversation as well.
Be careful about what you agree to give in the way of money as you will want to be able to live and find a home big enough for your children to come and stay and also have enough to be able to do things with them whilst they are with you, you can look on the CSA website for the calculator for an idea of what you will be required to pay legally and can offer up more if your able to.
Hope this helps, any more questions just ask, I would recomend keeping a log of the conversations you have along with any txt/emails sent between you in case they are needed at a later date.
Darren
- Samaritans – call 116 123
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