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Hi I have a soon to be 3 year old daughter whose mum is a total nightmare. I split with her last October and had regular access on a regular basis, one night a week sometimes 2 but also a couple of days when i wasnt working and she was i would babysit, however now she has a new boyfriend and after dating him for a whole 8 weeks took my kid on holiday for 4 nights, I also know this guy has been staying over and my daughter sleeps in with her mum which makes me think has he ?. Anyways i wasnt happy about this and let her know and now she has stopped access altogether. Another thing she does is if she asks me something and not get the answer she is looking for then i dont get the kid, its like blackmail. Anyways i hav already bn to a lawyer but wasnt impressed by the noises he was making as he was suggesting if i asked for 2 nights a week a wouldnt get it. Butsince the letter we kinda worked things out and access was ok for a while but like i say now its stopped completely and she is demanding a talk in which no doubt will require me to accept terms and conditions that are totally inappropriate to me being a dad and will be HER terms. I believe myself to be a good dad and hav never missed a payment to her and also spend money on my daughter when i have her. What Can I Do as this is out of pure spite and the situation is getting desperate can anyone help?
Hi,
I have/am going through pretty much the same thing and you are right - it is blackmail. Unfortunately the way the law is at the moment you do have to ask "how high" when she says jump.
I can only suggest contacting a mediator - they act as a completely impartial "buffer" and will negotiate on your and her behalf (you don't even have to be in the same room) to come to an agreement - not legal but looks good should things go really bad! The only drawback is that it is voluntary she does have to go if she doesn't want to.
If she does however and later on breaks the agreement that has been reached it puts you in a far better position - it shows that legally you are doing what you can and that she is not.
what ever you do don't stop paying her the maintenance that you are paying her - this is impact you directing and puts you in bad light should it go to court
Also if you name is not on the birth certificate get it on there, from a legal standpoint this is incredibly powerful - there are not many things she would be able to do without running them by you should you wish to be that involved.
Hope things sort them selves out.
Vaz
Hi Havlin,
I would also suggest mediation. Write to your ex and tell her that you feel that using a mediation service to resolve the issue of contact will be a much better alternative than involving the courts. Tell her that your happy to make an appointment, but in the interim you'd like to see your daughter.
Give her 14 days to respond. If she fails to reply or says no, you don't really have any other choice than applying to the court for a contact order. Yoji, another one of the Dads that uses the site, has posted a fantastic step-by-step guide to representing yourself in court and I think you'd find it useful.
Good luck!
FM '70
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