[Solved] what do i do next?

Hi ktm,

First off a few questions:

Does your name appear on the Birth Certificate or do you have Parental Responsibility?
Is your Daughter breastfed?
For the Maintenance, have you marked the D/D as CHILD MAINTENANCE?
How many hours approximately do you get to see your Daughter?

I would say that you will need to raise this issue to have your ex-girlfriend agree on a set routine, that adjusts as your daughter gets older. From a general perspective here, Contact will still be seen as little and often as she is below 12months. Not right in my honest opinion, but thats just me. Hopefully your ex will be willing to negotiate/talk to allow you to have your Daughter on your own.

I've spoken to quite a few people on separation and for a Child as old as your daughter a suitable timetable (that will almost certainly get support from the Courts) is for 2 Contact sessions of a couple of hours midweek followed by a morning and afternoon on a day at the weekend.

Again, this would and should be expected to increase as she gets older, until an overnight start to happen between 11-12months.

Hi KTM,

Welcome to the site. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, but you're amongst friends here.

If your name appears on the birth certificate you will have Parental Responsibility (PR). This means that you have certain rights as a father, which in loose terms amounts to the level of consultation you should expect to practically receive regarding choosing a religion or school for your child and being able to access your child's medical records, etc...

What PR doesn't do is give you the right for contact, as UK law stipulates that this is the right of the child. The level of contact that the non-resident parent (you) enjoys with the child is ordinarily dictated by the resident parent (your ex), but if you are not having regular contact, or you feel that the level of contact isn't enough, you can apply to the courts for a contact order. However a court will expect you to have tried to resolve the matter with your ex directly, or through the use of a mediation service. The court will insist on it.

I have one more question; did you and your partner live together?

The key here is to try and reason with your ex. If you go in heavy handedly and start talking about court action, she may retreat and stop all contact. I would write her a simple letter or email stating that you've taken advice and understand that regular contact with your daughter is not an unreasonable request.

Yoji's comments are very comprehensive on this issue and I would suggest that you use them as an example when talking to your ex.

Tell her that you're aware that feelings may still be raw on both sides and ask whether she thinks attending mediation sessions would be useful in terms of discussing contact arrangements. She may well think that it's something that you can resolve yourselves.

Good luck with it and let us know how you get on!

FM '70

Hi Yoji,

With regards to your questions

1,Yes my name does appear on the birth certificate
2, my daughter is bottle feed
3, the payement is just marked as a d/d
4, i get about approx 6-7 hrs normally 2 visits in the week of about 2hrs and everyother weekend 2hrs again

Thankyou for your advice it has made things alot clearer for me

Hi FM'70

Thank you for your advice and support it feels like your on your own until you find somrthing like this, with regards to your question me and my ex lived together in her house but i still have my own house so we were not tied into a joint mortgauge or loans

As you've been, to some extent, involved in a cohabitive relationship it can be assumed that during this time you've enjoyed various instances of looking after your daughter? Babby sitting, that kind of thing? I would gently remind your ex that you have plenty of experience of looking after your daughter; so you know how to change her and prepare her bottle. If your daughter had been breastfed, then Mum could argue that she needs to be around to feed her and this would reduce your chance of negotiating an overnight stay.

At the moment you're getting pretty much what Yoji suggested would be a reasonable level of contact, but I'd maybe suggest having contact with your daughter every weekend and alternating the days - so you see her on Saturday one week and Sunday the next. I'd gently push for the time you spend with your daughter on a weekend to be for 3 or 4 hours and that this time be unsupervised, with a view to increasing this to an overnight stay within 3 or 4 months time.

I'd amend your payment reference to read CHILD MAINTENANCE, so you have a clear record of each transaction and what it was for.

As I said previously, put your thoughts in writing. Don't be confrontational, but be clear that you expect to play a significant role in your daughters life and that you take your Parental Responsibilities seriously. State that you want to enjoy a positive co-parenting relationship with your ex and suggest mediation as possible means of resolving any issues she may have about the development of unsupervised contact.

Give her a couple of weeks to mull it over. If she becomes obstructive or threatens to reduce or stop contact, then come back here immediately and we'll be able to advise you further.

Cheers,

FM '70