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[Solved] What to do next?


Posts: 18
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Topic starter
(@Jethro)
Eminent Member
Joined: 13 years ago

Hi

I'm writing for some advice for my son, who seems to be reluctant to do anything constructive since he seperated from his wife in mid July.
He instigated the seperation, and relationships with his wife have been very up and down ever since, and has this week broken down completely.
They have a one year old daughter and his visits to her have been on the basis of about an hour or so a week, always with his wife present in spite of him asking for time on his own with her. These visits usually ended up as an opportunity for argument and he spends very little time actually seeing his child. She point blank refuses to allow him to have her on his own, using the fact that he is "seeing" a woman who has a daughter which she says is on the at risk register as her reason, she is protecting her child. He previously looked after their child before the break up whilst the mum worked evenings and weekends, so she knows he is more than capable. Visits had never involved the "other woman".
After a particularly acrimonious argument this week, she has refused all contact with their daughter, stating she will not allow him to see her unless he gets a contact order.
She is refusing to answer texts and phone calls. He is aware that she is currently looking for accomodation ( she is staying with family) and he is worried that she will carry out her threat to move and not tell him where his daughter is.
I took him to see a solicitor on a fixed fee basis when they first split up to see what his legal obligations were, but all she really advised on was divorce and he wasn't at that stage at the time.
Where does he go from here? He has been to the CAB, but they can't help because his wife had already been to them for financial advice.
I don't seem to be able to get him to deal with anything officil himself, he is so wrapped up in missing his child.


5 Replies
5 Replies
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(@daddyto4)
Joined: 15 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 232

Hi, these are good questions and it must be tough for you to see your son go through this. FRom my experience with Social Services and other law/legal agencies, it is very difficult for you to act on behalf of your son as they will want/need to hear from him directly. The best you can do is to support your son and encourage him to take some steps and help him see that any small steps are at least helping him towards the goal of getting access to his daughter.
Has he been to see a doctor about the state he is in?


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(@Jethro)
Joined: 13 years ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 18

I can't help him because he's living in a different part of the country, I can only try and find the right people to put himin touch with. I thought we'd done that with the CAB to no avail, and yes, he returned home for 2 weeks at the time of the break up and was given anti depressants, but he has stopped taking them as he doesn't want to become dependant.
He also knows he needs to contact the CCCS and other things, but he's putting it all off.


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 actd
Registered
(@dadmod4)
Joined: 16 years ago

Illustrious Member
Posts: 11897

Hi Jethro,

As well as the CCCS, there is the CCLC who can give legal advice free of charge as long as he doesn't have a solicitor. Unfortunately, unless he is prepared to get himself into a state of contacting them, there is not a lot anyone can do for him, so it is a matter of encouraging him to start to take action. You could perhaps have a word with him and see if he could work to small tasks that you suggest to him, so a couple of tasks a week maybe?


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(@Jethro)
Joined: 13 years ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 18

Thanks, I'll suggest he does it in stages, and on the plus side at the moment his wife has contacted him about access, so maybe he will be more positive.


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 actd
Registered
(@dadmod4)
Joined: 16 years ago

Illustrious Member
Posts: 11897

I think it's a matter of giving him support and some firm encouragement to keep him on track, without being too overbearing. It's a fine line to tread, especially if you want to keep your own sanity as well.


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