Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hello this is my 1st post on here and could be doing with some advice please fellas.
my ex partner stopped my access(for 2 months) to my now 14 month old daughter about 10 months ago so i went to a lawyer who is acting on my behalf and slowly iv built contact back up thanks to my lawyer.1stly i was only getting 4hrs a week then when my ex decided she was going back to work i got my lassi for 8 hrs a day 3x a week to allow her to work(she didnt return to work as they messed her about but i had agreed access before this happened,thank god) then my lawyer pushed for over night access 3 months later which my ex allowed but things have been difficult with my ex as if she dont suggest it or it dont benefit her then she doesnt allow it,just over a month ago she informed me she was trying to get a job in local shop and if she got it would i be willing to pick my girl up earlier and drop her off a bit later to allow her to work.we use a 2 week rota(my current access is week 1 mon 8am-4.30pm then thurs2pm- fri 4.30pm, week 2 is wed 8am -4.30pm then sat 2pm- sun4.30 pm) i have been doing this for 3 months and we had agreed we would review it but just recieved word back that my ex is not allowing any more access to me as my goal is shared care of my girl so im left in position that i have no option but to take it down the court route now to persue more access. im lucky that my work is very family friendly and will move my shifts around to suit access and i only work 3 shifts one week and 4 shifts the next which will allow me the time for shared care of my girl,i dont know what to expect from the courts and i know scottish law is slightly different to english family law(im scottish). my ex is also painting me to be a monster as i had only 2 nights ago the police at my door as she is scared i will try doing something to her as she has denied me more access and she seen me in area(i had just dropped my daughter off and my mum stays round corner so common sense i will be in area at times) i also pay 150 maintance plus pick my girl up and drop her off as my ex in beginning refused to collect her from mine which meens in a day by time i pick her up and get back to mine then drop her off and get back to mine im doing 60mile a day so its hitting my pocket on fuel.
my ex is not stopping my access she just aint giving me anymore right now but wouldnt put it past her to stop it once i start court preceddings. we have tried medeation but my ex then refused to attend.i honestly feel i need a court order in place to stop her using our girl as a weapon against me and i dont feel im being unreasonable as all i want is my 50% access to my girl so me and her mum are both there for her but her mum feels i aint as important as she is .
sorry to babble on,any advice appreciated and have good lawyer but cant get them till tue which seems a lifetime away
Hi Colin,
Hopefully i can help. FIrstly my post will deal just generally with your situation. Are you living in Scotland?
At least you are currently getting contact. And likewise that usually this does happen on a fairly consistent basis. You are aware that if you go through the Court arrangement then contact may be stopped, which strangely, is encouraging as seemingly many Dads come back with surprise at contact being stopped.
If your ex is refusing to attend mediation then (dependant on law of where you are) (in England) the Courts now expect (read force) couples into mediation as it is less costly to their services but i'm guessing will hit you in your pocket but your wife will likely qualify for legal aid should the court event arise.
In direct response to your question in order to make a Shared Residence Order it is imperative that you can present a strong case in court as to current contact being there about 50% of the time currently. Most commonly this falls under the 2wk rota you mention 3days one week and 4 the next. A court (and generally) is much more likely to agree a joint residency type situation for you and your child.
If you press ahead with the Contact Application be sure to state that this Shared Residency is your goal and under what grounds. I will also inform you that (again Law dependant) should you reach and agreement through Mediation, return to Court to get this put into a legally binding agreement. All too often as the case may be Mothers (most of the time) will steadily erode and begin to break the Mediation agreement as there is nothing that is legally binding or a formal contract as such.
If you agree with my above paragraph i would definately be clear about this from the get go at mediation that "any agreement reached here will be put into a Court Order so as to be legally binding".
thanks for the reply yoji.
yes i stay in scotland
my ex refused to try medation a while back as she said i would use it to make her justify herself and her actions.i will keep that in mind about if medation is suggested to make sure i say i want any agreement put into a court order so she cant mess me around but if im honest i would rather do it thro courts as i feel my ex has messed me about long enough and the medation unit did tell me i could attend for anything up to 10 visits and still not reach any agreement 🙄
yes i also know that once court starts my ex may stop my access but im hoping she will realise that is not in the best interest for my daughter.
few questions.........
In direct response to your question in order to make a Shared Residence Order it is imperative that you can present a strong case in court as to current contact being there about 50% of the time currently. Most commonly this falls under the 2wk rota you mention 3days one week and 4 the next. A court (and generally) is much more likely to agree a joint residency type situation for you and your child. you say court is more likely to agree a joint residency type situation is that same as shared care????
my lawyer as contacted her lawyer pointing out few things about my ex conduct and behavior towards me lately and also pointing out how this is more about my ex own convience rather than what is best for my daughter so just waiting on reply to see if she will change her mind as my lawyer has made it crystal clear to them it will be court so hopefully the threat will be enough but who knows so will need to sit tight till get reply.
my ex refused to try medation a while back as she said i would use it to make her justify herself and her actions.
Now my knowledge of this stuff is purely from what I've read here but isn't that the whole point of mediation?
you say court is more likely to agree a joint residency type situation is that same as shared care????
It's pretty much the same thing. A shared residence arrangement basically recognises that a child has two homes and both parents share responsibility for residence. A basic model that many people look at is a 50/50 split over a two week period i.e 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next.
It doesn't have to be a 50/50 split though! Sometimes this isn't possible due to the work commitments of one, or both parents. It may well be that the geographical distance between homes may not allow for a 50/50 split either, but this does not mean that you can't obtain a shared residency order from a court.
Suggest mediation again, because your solicitor's letter may have made her much more amenable to the process. However, should you enter into mediation, ask for the mediation agreement to be written up into a shared residence order. That way, if your ex goes back on the agreement, you can apply to the court to have it enforced....
... if she rejects mediation yet again you can apply to the court for a shared residencey order! It's best to show the court that you've tried your best to resolve matters without their involvement!
thanks for the advice guys,i heard back today she is still refusing any more access but has offered to review situation in 3 months time which to me is simply stalling as its been 4 months she has had already,will speak to lawyer in next few days and get the ball rolling for court as i feel its only way im going to get more access to my lassi.will keep this up to date thanks again
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.