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I really need some advice on what you should and shouldn't do during supervised contact, which will be monitored by CAFCASS. I have a feeling if I talk as I want with the kids, I won't get another chance from the courts
After several years of separation and very regular, troublefree contact with my kids (age 7 and 9), my ex suddenly told me in September I'd have to get a contact order to see them and moved to Cornwall. She has made serious, totally false allegations to the courts about my years of psychological torture, violence, etc. So far my contact application has been through 4 review hearings, but the allegations have not been even looked at yet, and she has totally ignored the order that she allow me to talk to them by phone since September, despite the courts being aware she's breaching it.
When CAFCASS talked to the kids, they said they are scared because their mother had told them I would take them away somewhere nobody would ever find them if they saw me. Their mum has been telling them some appalling lies day in, day out, the same nonsense she's told the courts eg that my epilepsy (I used to have short seizures while I slept, though not for 4 years) could still make me violent and crazy without knowing it. My son (age 9) is now scared because of things she's told him.
CAFCASS have recommended supervised contact, in a months time, it'll be the first time I've spoken to them in 8 months, and I want to just go in there and talk to them normally, as ever, but that will inevitably include talking mainly about what their mum's been saying, and telling them it's total nonsense.
I have a feeling this could cause trouble, since CAFCASS will be monitoring and reporting on it for the next hearing. Explaining that their mother's a total liar is going to make for a difficult contact session, but I can't imagine just playing board games and talking about the weather. It would be really weird for all of us if we didn't talk about it.
Should I keep it sweet, smiley, not even talk seriously to the kids. Or if we have a difficult but normal, family discussion about what's happening, will I blow it with the courts?
Hi there 🙂
Try and be as normal as possible during your contact, you're their Dad and up until last year you had trouble free contact with them so draw from that.
Whatever you do. DO NOT speak about the things the mother has told them. If they ask you outright then say something like ...your mummy and I haven't been getting on for a little while, but we are sorting it out and that's why we're here to help get things back to the way they were. Then change the subject, I'm sure there's lots of catching up to do, ask them about school and their friends, Christmas, stuff like that.... I would be very surprised if they will ask you awkward things or tell you they are scared of you, it's up to you to show them that you are the same Dad that they know and love! Tell them that you love them and be happy around them because that's what they want in my opinion.
I do understand your bitterness but it would be counterproductive to allow it to show. When you have got things back on track and contact is back to how it used to be, you might be able to talk to them about it but I would advise being gentle and not bad mouthing their Mum because regardless of your relationship with your ex, they love her.
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