Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I need help with what to do. I am applying though a county court for my daughter to be retuned to my care. My partner (we were not married) left the family home in January. Claiming domestic violence, aggression, mood swings and domineering. She herself is of this nature. She currently resides in a woman’s refuge.
I don’t know where to start. This is a complex case and hope someone can give light on the best way forward. I am not concerned about her allegations as I can show these are false in her own handwriting. My partner has depression and bad mood swings and relying on anti depression tables. She does enjoy a bottle or two of white wine. She was off for work for a period from July 2010 to Feb 2011. She has blamed her depression and breakdown on my daughter. I have Non epileptic attacks due to emotional stress from her actions, these attacks are not as bad as she is making out.
Currently CAFCASS are in the process of a section seven report. My partner works for social services and I feel I am not being treated as fairly. Since my daughter was born I have been the main parent with care, and my partner has even stated I have been a Hands on Dad. After work I would attend to my daughter, feeding, bathing and entertaining until she went to bed. It was myself that put my daughter to bed. During the night I would get up and see to her needs.
I have made sure my daughter attends all hospital and doctor appointments. Picked her up from the Nursery when her mother decided to take her. I did all the phone calling for the appointments and checking how she was doing at nursery and have demonstrated this to the court.
I am only allowed to see my daughter on a Sunday because she feels I cannot care for my daughter over night because of the epilepsy. The contact is not sticking to the order she requested at the court, 10am – 4pm. My partner would text and advise me that she is either running late or not coming at the time she is due to drop her off. The time my daughter is due to be picked up is just as inconsistent. The latest time was 6:00pm. I feel my partner is being protected by the system and her depression is not being looked at.
How can I have my partners depression considered. I have tried to demonstrate this but feel the safe Guarding meeting with CAFCASS was in her favour and my concerns have not considered.
My partner does have previous history, doing this same act to her ex husband. She claimed he was violent and aggressive towards her. Fleeing the home to her mums. My partner has a daughter who is now 20. She has an unpredictable relationship with this daughter. They can fall out at the least thing. My partner asked her daughters dad to take her back when she was about 16 because she could not cope or control her.
Most recently, my partner was due to move into a house close to where I live. She asked me to reinstate my daughter with the nursery she was attending. Which I did. I was also asked to go to the house so I can see where her and my daughter will be living. When I got there, she was waiting full of smiles. Saying this will be our house. Asked me to settle my daughter down for the night. She asked for me to stay that night. I felt unsure and said I should return home, but she was unhappy and said she did not feel safe. I stayed. The following morning I was asked to look after my daughter so she can clean the place.
I had my daughter all day Saturday which was great. I later found out her other daughter came and said she was not happy about the house. It was to close to me and to far from her. That I would worm my way back into her life by doing odd jobs. My partner came back to mine and had a shower. She left with my daughter. That Sunday, she dropped my daughter off and told me she was not taking the house.
At the last court case she was seen with her solicitor talking to CAFC
[censored] after the case management. Can someone please advise how I can get this across for someone to please listen to me. Her actions are unpredictable, my daughter is valuable being 2 years old and she is still not looking after her welfare. I have a stable home and an environment my daughter is use to. Social Services in my are will not, The police will not and CAFCASS will not.
Thank you in advance.
Hi
You haven't said whether you are using a solicitor - if you aren't then contact the Children's Legal Centre to discuss this, as there is a lot involved.
Hi
Thank you for your time. Yes I do have a solicitor on this case. What has taken place since the 4 January is:
On the 6th Jan a prohibits steps order was made by a county court for the immediate return of my daughter to me. At the time I was unable to locate my partner or daughter for the order to be issued. I presented to the judge presiding some documents that showed my partner was not attending her psychology appointments to help with her depression. This was the last time anything regarding her depression was noted or seen.
On the 12th Jan the above order was still in place but Social Services was before the 19th Jan to disclose wear my partner and my daughter was residing to the court.
On the 19th Jan my partner was informed by the Social Services about this order and she made representation at a different county court for a stay on my order that day. She had until the 24th Jan to present to that court a statement. On the 28th her statement was issued.
On the 8th Feb I was order by the court I made my first application to release a statement which was done. Contact was at this time being considered. I was allowed ever Sunday 10 – 4. This was her request. The court made an order for CAFCASS to be involved in the case.
On the 28th March CAFCASS did a telephone safe Guarding interview with myself and my partner.
On the 29th March we were all in court. The order was for contact to stay as was and for CAFCASS to do a section 7 report. Overnight stay was not considered because of the seizures.
I have since been trying to get overnight stay with my daughter. At no point during any of the hearings from the 28th has her depression be noted or mentioned. It has all been about my fitness and seizures.
Hi flybe
I'm afraid there is only very limited advice I can give as there's a lot of complex issues, but here goes with what I can add.
1. I would say that you need to have a review meeting with your solicitor - you probably need an hour for this to find out exactly what is happening, and what plans your solicitor has, and whether he/she has taken everything into consideration that you expect. Although it's chargeable, it can save money in phone calls to and from your solicitor, but it can really help you focus on what it important - I had a couple during my proceedings, and they were well worth it - make a list beforehand (in fact start one now, and add to it every time you think of something else) so nothing is forgetten at the meeting.
2. The obvious point is why were you granted residence, and yet you are having problems getting contact, plus the fact that your ex isn't complying with the courts.
3. Cafcass should be meeting with you both, so you should be able to bring up any concerns directly with them about your ex. It's better that Cafcass don't come across any surprises, so if your ex is concealing anything and Cafcass find it, then that's going to help you. On the same point, - be completely open about your seizures or anything else you think you ex may raise.
As I said, because of the complexity of your case, the best person to advise you is your solicitor - don't forget, they work for you, so make sure you get the best out of them.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.