[Solved] wicked ex's

Wow, a number of issues here.

Firstly, there is no link between the divorce payout and the CSA and contact, they are all issues which have to be dealt with separately.

The divorce will sort out the division of property and your pension. Unfortunately, if your ex was at home looking after the children while you were working, then chances are, you may have to pay her some maintenance and this includes an entitlement to some of your pension, and it goes to her, and not your children. I know it's not what you want, but you may have no choice. As regards to who divorces who, I am not aware that you divorcing her means that you pay her legal fees unless her lawyer manages to get that as part of the divorce agreement, and even then, it would normally only be reasonable fees, they can't go mad without the risk of being assessed if you object. Best bet is to go an see a solicitor for a 30 minute consultation to get some initial advice (a lawyer friend of mine, a long time ago, said that someone she know went for 30 minute consultations with all the good local divorce lawyers - they were then automatically barred from representing his ex due to a conflict of interest). Divorce settlements should take into account any debts run up by your ex, so make sure you raise this.

The CSA assess using a calculation, with 2 children, it is 20% of your salary, BUT you can deduct reasonable travelling expenses beyond (I think) £15 per week - I'd argue that you have to use a car (assuming you do) as you need to take the children out when you see them, and then see if the CSA will accept the Inland Revenue mileage rate. This is done through a variation, but worth ringing the CSA for a chat. Again, there is no stipulation on what your ex spends the money on. When you say they don't see any of the money you give, bear in mind that this goes towards housing, utitlity bills, food and clothing - if the children are living in squalour, then it may be a matter for social services.

As for contact, this needs to be done as a separate matter in court (though by mediation as a first step). There is nothing at the moment to say that she has to bring them down to your, and it will depend on the court whether they would make such a ruling - in my own case, my ex lives 200 miles away and the court refused to make me take the children to her (they live with me) as they considered that it would be not be a pleasant journey for them, so she has to travel down for every visit. You'd have to show that it was in their best interests todo so, and I have no idea whether the court could make you contribute to travel costs if she did.

Hi Steven,

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment.
actd has given some good advice, however I will get our legal partners the Children's Legal Centre to comment on the access part of your query (they won't be able to give advice about divorce or any CSA judgements).

I hope this is of some help - let us know how things are going.

Gooner.

Dear Steven,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

As you have been informed we are not able to advise you on the divorce or financial issues that you have. We are able to advise you with regards to your children.

The law at present provides that parents do not have a right to see their children, it is children who have a right to see their parents, however until the children are able to decide for themselves (absolutely at 16 years old but sometimes younger depending on their maturity and understanding of the situation) the person that the children live with is able to make all decisions regarding contact.

That means that in your case the mother is able to control your contact as the children live with her, and so she is able to say if you have contact, and where and when this should take place. Your ex partner should be reasonable regarding this, and only act in what she believes to be the child’s best interests.

As a general rule, it is for the person who wishes to have contact to collect and return the children, and the resident parent is able to state that if you wish to see them you must facilitate the travel for this.

If you are not happy with the contact that is being offered then you firstly have the option of mediation to attempt to reach and agreement. If this is not successful then you are able to apply to court for a contact order for your children.

A contact order is a legally binding order that states the days and times that you are to see your children, and the mother may be penalised by the court if she does not comply with this.

If you do choose to apply for a contact order, then the court will consider all the circumstances of your case when deciding what contact is appropriate. All decisions are made based on what is believed to be in the best interests of the children in question.

You are also able to ask the court to consider arrangements for the travelling during contact. If you and the mother live close to each other, then it is likely that the court will place that responsibility solely on you. However if there is a considerable distance between you, then the court are able to order that you share the travelling, or the travelling expenses, but it is unusual that they would make the resident parent perform all the travelling for contact unless there is exceptional reasons for this.

With regards to the money that you are paying for the maintenance of your children, the court will not become involved in this as the CSA are involved, and it is for the parent that the money is being paid to decide how to use this money. You are not able to have any say in this even if the mother is not spending the money on your children, as it is for her to decide what to do with this.

We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require further legal advice, please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre