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..After 13 years of marriage (16 years together)..my wife last week told me out of the blue she cannot forgive me for major argument we had 8 years ago when she mistakenly fell pregnant with our 3rd child. At the time i was totally against it ..but as soon as the baby arrived, I have loved her the same as our other 2 ...with no exception. We have had 8 good years since the birth and over the last years things have been great..This divorce request has come out of the blue and my wife has told me to tell the kids its a joint decision (IT ISNT) to save her face. She has also said she knows exactly how much money she is entitled too..(although I owned a house BEFORE we met)..she is entitled to over 60% of everything..including shares I earned at work...She also wants me out of teh house ..renting a house will be £800-1000 per month plus bills...s I cannot afford it.
Since we had children my wife has not worked...until last 3-4 years where she has a small part tim ejob...but has NEVER contributed to any mortgage or major bills..I bought all the cars we have owned..everything..I cook, I take kids to school, I am a very very hands on dad..My wife seems to think she is home and dry with finances and thnks she will come out with a heap of cash..HELP!!! please I am in bits...I love my kids and cannot bear to think I wont see them every day..I feel bullied an feel that my mrs knows she has a massive hold over me ..emotionally and financially
Hi and welcome.
I am not aware that there is a fixed calculation as to what she is entitled to (if anyone knows otherwise, please correct me) so I can only assume that she has had advice that she may well get that, but that doesn't mean that's the case.
We don't have anyone on here who can give specialist divorce advice, which is what you need, so I would suggest that you either see a divorce solicitor, or have a word with the citizens advice bureau.
Divorce I am okay with and children matters but finances I never got involved with unfortunately.
When you purchased your joint property did you enter into a Declaration of Trust as to how you held the property, taking into account you had your own property previously? I am assuming you sold that and purchased the new one. If you did then you will be better off than you think.
The general rule of thumb starting point on finances is 50/50 with the parent having the children generally having a larger share because of providing housing for the children, that is necessary. This includes pensions, bonus, shares etc. The fact you previously owned a property I think will be taken into account as being yours and not part of the matrimonial assets. There is no "fixed" calculation as such.
However saying that apart from the general rule of thumb that is about as far as I can help out I am afraid except to say that finances can be dealt with by way of mediation, and could be a better way to go.
It does sound as though she has had some advice but to say outright 60% I think she has had more "general" advice, all pensions are taken into account (hers too) all share etc, the fact that she works now....etc etc...as I said its not fixed.
I strongly recommend mediation to see if you can sort out finances, you can find one here...www.nfm.org.uk
That will cost you about £100 initially, and further appointments (1 or 2) the same price, whereas court proceedings can be £5,000 to £10,000 for financial matters.
Hi there Walshy 🙂
I too know little but I can guide you in the direction of a very good website for divorce and all that entails, including the financial side..Heres a link -
www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Financial-Settlements/Overview/The-law-on-financial-settlements-in-divorce.html
No wonder you're in bits, I cant imagine how distressed you must be...if you need to talk we are here to listen 🙂
Hi There,
As said there is no set % of split from the family home she will be entitled too.
What I would say though is that without any arguments and as a straight up offer you wouldn't be doing too bad to walk away with 40% from the sale of the house.
The fact she hasn't worked since the children doesn't effect what she is entitled too as she has made her contribution to the family home by caring for the children so you could work. Again it doesn't matter that you owned the house before you were together/married as once you got married she was then entitled to 50% of what you owned as you were to what she owned.
Although it doesn't seem fair (and I don't agree with it at all) there is a very good chance that if you were to fight and take her through the courts she would be awarded the 60% she has asked for if not more (if she found an aggressive solicitor that pushed for more) when I left my ex I got around 10% from the value of the house and many other on here have had similar.
It may leave a bitter taste to accept this but in the long run you may be better off, as you won't have solicitors fees to pay for the battle to settle, there will be no chance of a solicitor upping the % she asks for and most importantly you won't have the stress of the battle to deal with on top of the stress you already have.
Also if you accept then there will hopefully be less chance of her using the childrens access against you and making issues.
GTTS
yep, I'd say that GTTS' has got it right - my own divorce cost me 8k, and that was over 10 years ago, with some agreement to start off with, and residence of the children was agreed (at the time anyway), and I made a couple of concessions that cost me another 2 or 3k to get it sorted as easily as possible - if I hadn't, my solicitors fees would have probably swallowed up a very large proportion of any equity I got.
yep, I'd say that GTTS' has got it right - my own divorce cost me 8k, and that was over 10 years ago, with some agreement to start off with, and residence of the children was agreed (at the time anyway), and I made a couple of concessions that cost me another 2 or 3k to get it sorted as easily as possible - if I hadn't, my solicitors fees would have probably swallowed up a very large proportion of any equity I got.
Yep, I got sucked into a 18 month battle, the whole time I had to pay half the mortgage, and then didn't win in the end anyway so cost me way over the extra I was holding out for.
GTTS
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