Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hello guys,first time post. just looking for some advice if anyone can help please. Me and my wife seperated in February. We have 2 girls, 4and a half and 1 and a half. She moved out and we said she was taking the girls to live with her so she could get a decent council house, even though we had agreed to have equal shared responsibility cos i didnt want to be just a part time dad as it was basically my wife that wanted to split, even though i wasnt very happy in the marriage i would have carried on as the girls r so young. anyway, to get to the point, things have got really strained and bitter and we have both been calling each other names. we've had fall outs ever since we seperated, usually things were civil for a few days then something would trigger an argument but this time shes told me that she is within her rights to keep the girls all the time which she says she will be doing from now on and shes refusing me to see the girls unless i do it through a lawyer. She knows im not entitled to legal aid and i dont have a lot of money so feel that i could lose my rights to see my beautiful girls and its tearing me apart. Ive arranged to see a lawyer tomorrow but only for a free consultation. Any one have any advice on what i should ask him as im really hoping he says she cant stop me seeing my girls
Hi RC,
My position was that my ex moved out with the children and made it difficult for me to see them unless I agreed to giving here a huge amount of money.
The advice I was given was to get it to court using a C100, also completed a C1, I think, as she had been agressive, abusive and violent towards me before. Now making allegations against me....
My recent experiences tell me that you either have to accept what she says and does to get access or you have to get it to court and fight for the access.
My 2 cents....
1. Work with her and keep it amicable to get access.
2. Get her to agree to go to mediation. If your happy with whats agreed I think you can apply to have it made an order by court. Basicaly makes it official.
3. Get it to court by completing a C100.
Above is in least cost order.
Regards getting to court, you can get a solicitor or self represent. Loads of advice here regards self representation.
This is a real horrid place to be mate as I am now finding out but chin up and reach out to this forum. I have found this to be a great source of advice and strength in the last few weeks myself.
Regards,
Dave
Hi RC
Dave is right, the best way to resolve this is between the 2 of you without a judge, by doing it this way you will have a better buy in to stick to it.
I would suggest mediation rather than just trying to talk it through between you as with a 3rd party involved to keep things calm you are more likely to be able to reach an agreement.
As said this agreement can be written into a legal agreement.
If you go through mediation and it doesn't work you still have court as an option, and as said you can self represent yourself which means court will cost £200 for the application.
GTTS
Thanks for the replies guys.
Circumstances have changed since my last post. I got a text out the blue from my wife on the morning i was to go see lawyer for my free consultation to ask if i could phone her as i could see the girls if i wanted! She knew i had my appointment and i was angry because i feel she is just playing games and using the girls against me but i was so desperate to see my daughters that i did and arranged to pick them up later that day. As angry as i am about the way she is going about things, i kept things civil and we went back to our shared rota but lo and behold, shes snapped again and while not threatning me with lawyers or not seeing the girls again, i have been disgusted with her attitude and behaviour. We have been arguing on the phone and while i've done pretty well and kept my cool she was letting rip with some foul mouthed rants, some of which she was doing in earshot of our girls. Can i just add at this point, the reason i think she is going along with the rota for the moment is that she is going on holiday with her new boyfriend to egypt for 2 weeks on 9th june and i reluctantly agreed to take 2 weeks annual leave from my job to watch my girls. When she asked me at first before it was booked and i told her i wasnt keen cos i only had 2 weeks holiday left she said if that was the case she would take girls with them! No way was that happening, cos apart from the fact shes only known the guy for a couple of months, i know nothing about him at all and also the fact that its my girls 5th birthday and fathers day while she was away! Anyway, i just feel its a struggle to communicate with her anymore and she makes me so angry, as i probably do to her, that its not good for my health and i need to do something about it. I asked her about mediation when things were a bit more amicable with us but she shot that idea down in flames . I was thinking my best option may be to get a lawyers letter done with a proposal for access to see if we can come to some sort of agreement but i am open to any other suggestions from any guys on the forum that know a bit more about this. I would really appreciate any replies, thanks
I would also say that as part of the divorce, she will have to list the arrangements for children and at this stage you can contest it. However if you do not want to wait for this, then dont wait request mediation immediately.
Keep full details of anything that goes on between you as in my experience they will turn against you to get their own way.
And dont worry about a solicitor, you can represent yourself and take a lay person to be a mckenzie friend.
Thers is a wealth of knowledge on here coupled with CORAM childrens legal advice which will help you too
Stay strong and positive
I would try to keep any communication on writing (including email and text) as a) it gives you time to think before you answer, and b) everything is recorded (keep everything) - in a phone conversation, it's easy to say something you would regret if it came up in court, and you want to give yourself the best possible chance for contact.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.