I am hoping that I could get some advice with what feels like a difficult period in my life at the moment.
I split from my now ex-wife early last year and we have joint custody of our 9 year old son and when I moved out I decided to stay in the village as it made things much easier for school, etc.
So I have been single (pretty much) for 15 months now and up to maybe a few months ago work had kept me busy (I'm self employed working from home in a fairly new venture so I had to work a lot to make it work with no 2nd salary to fall back on) and with having my son every 2nd week it has basically been working and child care that has kept me occupied.
I now find my self in a position now where I am becoming incredibly lonely, bored and feeling down quite a lot in the evenings.
I have friends from when I was younger but they live 25+ miles away and the closest ones location wise all have families, jobs, etc and social time together is rare. My job is office based and client visits or being out of the office doesn't happen very often. I have been trying internet dating for about 10 months to at least get out and meet people but after a flurry of dates initially I've decided that going on a date for the sake of it isn't what I want and I would prefer to only now go on one if I felt there was potential,,,,so these are now few and far between. I am very much ready for a new relationship but it has to be with the right person rather than just with someone for something to do.
I have considered maybe trying some evening classes but my job is quite taxing mentally and I find I just don't have the mental capacity to take on anything else after a days work. I've also looked into some voluntary work but because I am only available every 2nd week I've found it difficult to get any as there's more often than not a weekly rota. This every 2nd week availability I think also could cause issues with classes if I found something I could/would like to do.
I used to run and cycle quite a lot and have looked into joining local clubs but I started smoking again last year (another story but down to the very complicated and challenging split/divorce), which I am finding hard to quit, and I know I am drinking too much but I do these things because of the loneliness and boredom in the evenings. So until I stop smoking and drinking too much, it feels pointless joining a club as I need to get in a position of being able to run 6 miles/cycle 25 miles before I join.
After reading through this before posting, it does feel like a 'woe is me' post but I suppose I'm not looking for a 'keep your chin up', 'it gets better' response and it's more about getting some advice on getting out of this rut I'm in. I'm am/was a generally upbeat and happy person and I enjoy company and being social but it feels like getting back to this is getting more difficult every day and I can't see any solution to it at the moment.
TIA
Hi
I find myself in a similar position to you.
I have been on dates just to get out and meet people and found it really beneficial - it doesn't always have to be about a relationship.
You might want to try meetup and see if there are any groups of interest in your area.
Aidan
Cheers Aiden, I have been looking out for something I can do that isn't too taxing on the brain but nothing seems to have piqued my interest yet.
Fingers crossed something will come up!
It's up to you when you are ready to start dating - I was ready even before I'd actually moved out of the marital home, once it was clear that the marriage was ended, but it's really down to how you feel.
However, the advice I would give is to get out an join a cycling or running club now (or try park runs) rather than waiting until you've stopped smoking and drinking, as that's just delaying everything - if you start getting fit again, I'm guessing that it will be the incentive to give up the bad habits, rather than being the other way around.
We have dining clubs in this area, which might be a good way of meeting new people. Also Gingerbread may run clubs/events in your area, they are run for single parents and organise social events.
You might like to think about joining your sons school parents association, my son is a single parent and has met his current girlfriend at his sons football club.
Have a google for social clubs/events in your area and see what comes up.
Best of luck
Thanks all, much appreciated
Hi There,
.
I agree that joining groups is a good way to get out and meet people, as mentioned above, Meetup is a great web site, although it sounds like a dating site, its more about activities and interests, I join motorbike groups to see when there were get together, there is an app as well, people will post meets and then anyone who is going to attend can post to say they will be.
.
GTTS