Hi all.
My wife and I separated in March this year, we were together for 15 years and married for 8. We have a very intelligent but sensitive 6 yo boy. The first few months of our separation was a little turbulent but soon smoothed out. I have always kept a constant relationship with my son and always put him first before anything. I used to have him every weekend until my wife met her new partner then we switched to alternative weekends. I would also see my son two evenings through the week. Over the last two months my son has started to not want to see me through the week or even speak to me on the phone! I can't work out why this is! I'm not abusive or a drunk or anything like that. I never say anything bad or hurtful about his mum to him, if anything I praise her. So the question is has anyone else experienced this and what can be done about it? It's not like I can force him to talk on the phone or see me, and I wouldn't want to do that either as it would most definitely have the opposite effect. Any advice or help would be gratefully appreciated. Thankyou for reading this
Hi
it's quite common for things to shift when new partners come into the equation.
Have you tried talking to the mother about it? Do you think she is encouraging and supporting the time your son has with you?
From experience, I would say to try and talk about this sooner rather than later to prevent the situation deteriorating. If you can't agree yourselves, you could consider trying to attend mediation together?
Hi and thankyou for your quick reply. Yes I have tried talking to her about it, but she always says it up to our son to decide what he wants to do. If things persist then perhaps mediation may be the way forward
It shouldn't be up to your son - contact with the non resident parent should be encouraged by the resident parent. A six year old boy should not have the burden of making those decisions, it can be emotionally harmful for children. They need to know that both of their parents support time with each other and that he will have consistency and routine.
Personally, I would look into mediation asap as these situations can deteriorate quite rapidly.
Best wishes
Hello Copilotseat,
Your son is only six years old and I think you should have him stay with you alternate weekends as he has been doing.
The choice as to whether your son stays with you for the weekend is not his choice to make or shouldn't be.
You need him and he needs you. There is a reason for his change of heart and you need to make him feel loved and secure and spending time with him, will I am sure, enlighten you as to this sudden change.
There could be a number of reasons for the change in him. One that springs to my mind is that he may not want to leave his mum because he may feel insecure having another man in the house. At the same time as the arrival of your wife's new partner, you reduced your time with him from every weekend to alternate weekends. I feel the child may be puzzled as to what is going on and only time spent with him in a relaxed, loving atmosphere and lots of fun will unravel the mystery. If you revert back and establish the routine you had, your son will benefit greatly from doing this.
For the time being I wouldn't bother too much about 'phone calls, they can prove difficult enough between adults but with a child they can be doubly difficult and particularly if there is problem. It is contact at a distance which does not provide the security a child may need.
Hi There,
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I agree that this needs to be discussed with your ex as soon as possible, my son would do the same and I know my ex wouldn't encourage him to see me, in fact my ex would put things in the way of our time, like arranging outings she knew he wanted to do while he should have been with me.
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My ex would then tell my son, he could choose whether he wanted to see me or go with her.
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If you are able to talk in mediation, hopefully with the help of an independant you will be able to keep things calm and get somewhere.
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GTTS