[Solved] A mother's rights to change access arrangements

Hi there,

Have you got a defined Contact Order agreed through Court? If your agreement is an informal one then your ex can call the shots I'm afraid.

She is contradicting herself by saying on one hand that the children arn't safe with you, yet on the other saying you can see them, but only for one overnight stay instead of three? If you're safe enough for one night, then you are for three too!! Do you pay maintenance through the CSA...I ask because the less overnight stays with the non resident parent there are the more money the resident parent is entitled to.

It might be a good idea not to go to the school at home time tomorrow, as she has already informed you not to. The worse thing you can do is to put yourself in a position where arguments can ensue, it would upset the children and would give her ammunition. You could try sending her an email asking her to reconsider, as the childrens routine will be affected and reducing the amount of contact will have a detrimental effect on them, which wouldn't be in their best interests.

If you have a contact order and you cant settle this between yourselves then you could try mediation ~ www.nfm.org.uk
There is a charge for this unless you are unemployed or on a low income, in which case you would qualify for legal aid. If this fails then you can apply to court for a defined contact order. There are a couple of stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section, one is called "Contact Order C100 Guide", this is the form you would need to fill in and submit to court, it costs £200. The other sticky is called "A Guide to Representing yourself in Court". There are many Dads who choose for various reasons to represent themselves. Both these sticky have lots of useful information and are well worth reading.

Good luck with everything 🙂

Nannyjane,

many thanks for the feedback. I'm afraid its through mutual consent :boohoo: so looks like I will either need to negotiate or take it further. Turning up at school would have been the last thing I'd have done as I don't want to trouble the kids with our grown-up miscommunication.

Trouble is receiving this kind of thing with little or no opportunity to respond before it all happens. Very useful to know what rights (or not) I have though, so thank you.

I have responded by email twice, text'd and phoned but no joy so far.

The divorce left me with a large debt and even on a half-reasonable salary mediation is an expensive business, £300 a session round here! I'll check out the nfm site perhaps someone a little more reasonably priced is out there.

Thank you for your time.

Yadd

...You could also use the "I've taken legal advice..." tack. Tell her that you are not prepared to accept this reduction of contact, and if this cannot be sorted out amicably then you will have no choice but to go to court and get a defined court order. You can inform her that the length of time and level of contact you and the children have enjoyed will hold considerable weight in court, and that they consider that it is in the childs best interests, and important to a childs well being, that both parents are fully involved in their lives.

I would advise you to start a diary and keep a record of everything that involves your children, keep all txts and emails and make sure that you are always civil in your dealings with your ex, regardless of how she behaves towards you. It might be a good idea to write an account of the things you and your children do when your together, where you go and what activities you do together, take photos of your tiime together and your children enjoying themselves. This will be a useful resource if you go to court.