[Solved] Feeling I'm loosing my lad

Hi Nickster and welcome 🙂

I'm going to tell you what you've probably heard before.... he's 15, he's hormonal and he's got an attitude to match. I understand that you're upset as the time you have with him is more precious because you're not the resident parent.

How was he when you saw him last sunday, were things relatively normal between you and did you try and talk to him about it?

If you're wife has grown up children she should understand his behaviour...mine are 28 and 29 now but I can still remember the teenage angst!

I think you've written and txt and you've told him how you feel...you state at the beginning of your post that he is polite, intelligent and doing well at school, so apart from this one incident everything has been good. Maybe its time just to put it to bed now. Next time you see him talk it down, just tell him that you all need to forget about it and move on, christmas coming and five months is just too long to carry this on. You need to break the ice between your wife and your son, next time you're together why not take him for a meal but have your wife and her kids already at the restaurant.... theres nothing like some good food and converstaion to chill out to!

Good luck with everything 🙂

Hi there and welcome to the site

Whilst I haven't gone through this exactly I do have two teenage boys who at the drop of a hat go from being friendly to shouting and bellowing at everything!

It is difficult but they do reject any kind of discipline.

I think you need to catch him in a good mood and have a conversation with him when he won't explode - you need to be really honest with him about how it has made you feel and your wife. He also needs to understand that while with you he abides by your rules.

I think this is just for the two of you to have and it will be difficult.

Good luck with it and let us know what happens

Hi Nick
I have sons and step children and I have been through this with my step children. It is an age thing and 15 is a difficult age, there growing up but still feel they need attention like a young child gets. I took a step back as I felt it was important they had one to one time with there Dad and to be honest they didnt want me ther.
, They were fine at first but then after a few years and puberty arrived I became the horrid step mum who took there dad away, so not true they split 13 years before we met. It wasnt a nice time in fact two years of it, my hubby said he felt stuck in the middle, and ended up with two lifes. He went out on his own, this way he saw his kids and kept a relationship going and we had peace. They have now matured enough to realise and understand that they were jealous of me and there Dad as a couple
Try and meet up once a week with your son on your own, maybe a week night and let things calm down a bit and hopefully things will improve in time. Boys do seem to snap out of it quicker then girls

Hi Nick,

I'm worried the gap between us is growing.

It must be especially hard being the non resident parent, I can imagine how worried you are about this. Don't let a gap grow, keep the channels open (phone calls, emails, texts), have some son/dad time (Restaurant,Cinema etc) and give him time to come down off his high horse. He is a teenager so easily offended and wronged, short tempered and long remembered. ;;)

My teenage hormone monster takes what feels a lifetime to get over each imagined slight but the thing is they do get over them. It's all part of growing up, give them time.

Gooner

Nick

Have things improved any ?

Hi to everyone who replied

I do appreciate all your comments. Had a parents evening last Thursday and it was great. Really good comments and a very proud Dad. My lad has text me about coming over to our house next Saturday. This will be the first time in months so we are really looking forward to it.

I'll keep all upto date.

Thanks again.

dont worry ,he knows how good a dad your are and how loving you are to him,come sunday after a chat it will all be forgot,
and both you,your wife and your son,will feel a weight of your back and things will go back to norm,clean sheet for all,,
i wish you all well for xmas

Hi All,

My lad came over last Saturday. Things were great. Loads of chat, a few jokes and a bug hug by all before I took him back to his mum.....here's to a freash start.

Nickster

Thats great! I love happy endings 🙂

Far be it for me to put the mockers on everything but my 15 year old has a split personality - both horrible and one shouts much louder than the other one!!!

SOmetimes he is is great fun and when he is stressed he is a nightmare

It isn't just you but at least you will be ready for next time

And like nannyJ says a happy ending!

Here's the latest.

My lad has come over twice in 3 weeks. We are talking about what to do for xmas. He did say "Dad, can I be honest, its nicer I come round when he wants rather than on set days". I think he's grone up loads over the months and it shows things are getting better.

My advice from this experiece should anyone be going through the same thing. Be consistent. Keep contact even if it just via text and do what you think is best as a parent.

Thanks to everyone for their help.

That is pretty good advice - they will rant and rave but if they know you care and will be there for them they will come back.

Sometimes they need to get the anger out and sulk it through

Great things have calmed down. I think contact changes a lot as the years go by and as parents we need to let go of the alt weekends, and the set contact arrangements, your kids grow up and want thier own lifes, its now the time to be more flexible and enjoy the time you do have. saying that tho its important that they realise you also have a life and cant drop everything just because thier bored or at a loose end