[Solved] help needed , not the truth

Firstly 180mac I’d recommend that you remove the profile picture if it’s your daughter….the last thing you need now is to give your ex and ammunition against you.

As she is playing the “DV card” then you now need to be very cautious and double think everything before contacting her or your daughter….she will claim the harassment is continuing and as she has already had the police out to you they will believe her over you unless you can prove your innocence.

You need to start making notes of any interaction, be honest in your notes, if you’ve swore or threatened her don’t worry…in the heat of an argument when you’re looking at losing contact with your child we all say things we don’t mean…she will have as well as you!
Don’t worry about these “he said this, he said that, her threatened this and that” unless she has written proof or independent witnesses then its simply look on as just an argument and “he said – she said”.

I’m fairly lucky in respect that my ex made lots of threats and mistakes in trying to allege I’d been harassing her….all the texts, emails and subsequent police notes/reports all back me up as not harassing her and proved her a liar in court! it took 2yrs for that to come out but that’s not to say yours will go on that long!

I’d read some of the fathers posts on here about false allegations being made, its way more common and you think and this is what some mothers try to keep control over you or keep you from discovering the real reason they don’t want you around.

This site is one of many but many here are going through similar fights to see there kids…..its heart-breaking that these mother just can’t see the long term damage they’re doing to our children!

Hi Andy 🙂

I can feel your pain and I understand what you are going through...As I said to you on your hello post, you are going to need to be strong and patient but you will get to see your little girl again, she needs you just as much as you need her and the courts recognise this. I'm not going to pretend it will be easy, but you will get as much advice and support here as you need. There are lots of Dads here that have been down the road that you are on, stopped from seeing their children, feeling like they have lost everything....but it will get better, and as you start to work towards seeing your child again, you will start to feel more in control of things.

Dad-i-d has given you some good advice, he has been to [censored] and back and it has been a long and rocky road back for him, but he is getting there, he is seeing his child again and beginning to rebuild his relationship with his son....it can be done, there is hope!

When you say you have tried Mediation but she refused, did the Mediation Service ask her to attend or did the request come from you?
Legal Aid is still available for Mediation if you are in receipt of benefits or on a low wage. I think you should make an appointment with the Mediation Centre and go and discuss what is happening and what you would like to achieve. They will then write to your ex and invite her to attend so that she can discuss her issues. After this the Mediator will ask you both to attend together and talk through all the concerns and hopefully reach an agreement. If she refuses the mediator will issue you with a form FM1 which you will send into court with the C100 form.

There are court fees of £200 for submitting the C100 form, but if you are on benefits or a low income you may also be entitled to an exemption, to apply for this you will need a form EX160a.

When you send or take the forms in to court you will need to have 3x photocopies plus the original.

If you take a look at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will see two stickys about representing yourself in court and another about the C100 form, it would be helpful to have read through these as theres lots of information that you will find useful.

As far as the courtroom is concerned, your ex wont be able to take her friends into court only her solicitor if she has one. They can attend with her but will have to wait outside in the waiting area. If you feel uncomfortable sitting near them there are interview rooms that you will be able to use. It is a courtroom setting but the judge will understand that you are representing yourself and will take this into account....try not to worry too much about that for now!

hi thank you for your coments i will remove my photo yes it is my daughter ,

i was the one that contacted Mediation , they then wrote to her and she turned it down , i then asked my soilctor , he wrote her a letter and she turned it down , i now have filled the c100 fourm in , and will hand it in this week once i have the other 3 copys

as for other harassment , i have every single thing i have sent to her and so has she , not one abusive or thretting email or text , and as for he said and she said we havent spoke to each other since it started , i dont understand why one minute i can see the child when shes back from were she went , to the sudon change of mind , she kept me holding on for 4 weeks in hope maybe i would get to see her then took it all way from me ,

4 months i been like this i have stayed away from doctors ect as i was so depressed , and done my best just to fight it as i think being depressed may not help in the court ,

thank you for your help , realy hope she sees sence soon , this aint going to help her in the long run , and i hate the idear of passing my daughter back and forth all the time , i didnt want to leave them , that was my family 🙁

...I know Andy, you didnt ask or want for this to happen, and it will take time for you to get yourself back on track....4 months isnt very long at all, even though it must seem like it to you. You've suffered a loss and you will go through different stages before you start to come out of the other side..feelings of isolation, sadness, anger and acceptance may all form a part of this process.

Sometimes we all need a little extra help to get through the bad stuff that happens...its a sign of your strength that you have avoided seeking help from the GP, but if it gets too tough dont be afraid to get help...it doesnt have to be long term, just a stepping stone to feeling better. I understand your concerns about doing this, but just dont discount it altogether.

On another point, if you have contacted mediation and they had contacted your ex, then you should be able to get the form FM1...I would check bacvk with them about that.

I think you just have to accept that your ex has been playing games with you, saying you can see your daughter and then doing a u turn are part and parcel of this...there is no explaining it, nor the fact that she can lie and make false allegations of violence against you. Its nothing new on here and many Dads have been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour.

Just take each day as it comes Andy, try and keep yourself busy. Dont neglect yourself, you need to make sure you eat and get enough sleep. You need to keep your strength up! If you have family or close friends that you can talk to then that will help...its good to talk problems through...and of course we are all here to listen too. 🙂

thank you , i will pull myself together as i have no choice , i will let you know how i get on , this site is very helpful and once i go thro all this and win to see my daughter i will stay here to give advice like others on here have , its not a nice thing to go thro and to think there is people out there that dont care about there kids , i will ring them in the morning to find out more of the fm1 form to , thanks again 🙂