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was told years ago when my son was with his mother, dont worry he will come round in his own time, so i waited and waited he now lives in a hostel he is 19 and i dont have much of a relationship with him, he isnt really bohered about me and to be honest i miss him, what to do?
Mate - thats really sad. I'm a strong believer in the mantra that its never to late to build bridges. You need to start to do that regardless of what your son says or does to begin with.
I spent 7 years working with the homeless and with young people entering hostel accommodation and most of them had distant or non existing relationships with their dads. They were all angry but deep down they all spoke about wanting to be part of a family and wanting to belong. Some of the younger ones 17, 18, 19 year old guys even began to build a dad type relationshoip with me, even calling me dad in fun. It might have been "in fun" but actually it showed a real desire for a dad.
If you want to pursue your 19 year old son then do it. Write to him, explain how things were for you at the time he was young, explain how people told you "he would come round". Be honest about how you felt at the time and unpack your failings as a father ( sorry this might sound harsh for me to say but he will feel that you have let him down). If you want to get his love back, if you want to have him in your life then pursue him, pursue him pursue him. He may well kick against you, tell you that he doesn't need you, tell you to F### O## but thats all verbal and its all based in his emotions. He will have emotions he needs to express and to be honest you need to hear them and let him tell you his side of the story too.
Mate let us know how it goes. All power to your elbow buddy.
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