[Solved] Moral Dilema - Help Needed

Hi

I can understand your feelings, but first of all, you need to consider how the children feel about this, and also your partner. If they want contact to go ahead on this basis, then there is nothing you can, or should do to prevent it, and if you are stepping into the role of step-father effectively, then you have to accept the situation, so you need to find ways to deal with this. The best way initially is to talk frankly with your partner.

I agree with ACTD,

although tough this man is their dad and has a right to be part of their life, it will always be a courts view that the father should be part of the childs life.

Darren

Thanks for the chat chaps,

I want to point out that as a Dad myself I've said to the kids and my partner that i want them to see the kids dad, I wouldnt stand in the way ever, regardless if i lliked it or not. In fact ive had to encourage my partner to let it happen as she is pretty upset about his actions also.

Therefore if you state a father should be in the kids life, when did it become acceptable that he can pick and choose both when he see's them or indeed pays towards them ? Thats maybe the point that i struggle with, as when he dosnt and in fact never has, therefore only left basically me providing for them and picking up the pieces.

I'd also like to point out this guy has another child with another person from previous and makes absolutely no contact to see him..... Even though they live 10 mins away from each other. What bothers me is how much of this is a game to him, accordingly to my partner, hes that kind of personality, very manipulative and untrustworthy.

I hope im painting the right picture here, Its about protection and doing what every good dad should do in these situations becuase we all know its tough and can actually be ok if there is a level playing field.

Any advise is always welcome

Goody 2411

I really don't mean or want to offend here in anyway..........but i'd have to be very careful about taking everything that is said by your partner as the "whole truth and nothing but the truth"

did this guy leave her for another? in which case maybe...just maybe we have a little bit of an "i hate my ex for what he did to me".

you will only ever get to hear about the bad things the guy is said to have done/does!

take me.......i left my ex after suffering 5yrs of being controlled by her....not even being able to take my little boy to the park to give her a break without her questioning my motive to do so....chaning every plan we made if it was my idea so it becomes her way....."her way or no way" was and still is how she works!
so i left.......she shacks up with a new guy less than 12mths later and i get less and less time with my child......so i decide enoughs enough....legal action to get contact set so my son doesn't lose me........and for that i don't get to see my son for 3mths until court tells her to resume contact......contact starts again.....then within a few months stops again.......back to court....now she starts claiming i was violent to her and thats why she stopped contact....but her claim is that i was viloent when she was with me...not since we split! .....judge orders reports, cafcass etc... all come back glowing for me...and dammng against her.
she reacts to this by allowing contact but only supervised and despite the courts, cafcass etc... all saying there is no need she won't budge so contact centre is the only option!
contact centre 6-10wks.....all great...back to court no issues...contact to be away from the centre as i've yet again proved i'm a good dad.
4 weekends i saw my little boy! then nothing from Aug to end of sept...15mins to hand him his birthday pressent....nothing since then!!!

back to court 3 times...she refuses to attend 2....finally get her to attend still waiting on the Order.

she told a "mutual friend" (who she doesn't realise her partner talks to me still) that i never call my little boy or ask after him...and she "tries" to get me to keep in contact with him but she can't make me! [censored]!!!

so my point here is this.......you have only what she says to go on....as i'm sure my ex's new fella has......i for one when i get in to another relationship will not automatically take things she says as gospel.

he is their dad......and unless he really is a risk to their wellbeing, health and safety then the kids have a right for him to be in their lives despite what your ex currently feels about him after him leaving her or whatever he's supposed to have done.

its early days for you and your new partner....12mths is not a long time.........but to be there for her kids is never going to be easy for you or.....the other guy will not like someone in his kids lives.....i don't like someone i don't know around my kid.... but if he really is as bad as your partner claims then let him show it and you just be there for her and the kids if/when that happens.

like i said....i mean no offence with what i've put....i can sound tactless and abrupt at times and i really don't mean to be...i tend to say what i think and hope it reads as i meant it too.

hope for you, your partner and her kids that all goes well....its the kids that matter....not you...not her...not her ex......the kids come first.