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Hi, I was after a bit of friendly advice here as I don’t really know who else I can talk to at the moment.
I've been married since 2003, have 2 kids (9&6) and i m a stay at home dad while my wife works full time.
The last 2/3 years have been unbearably difficult for us both, she drinks a lot and wont get any help for it, we don’t talk, most nights we sit in different rooms, weekends she tends to take the kids out for a few hours and leave me home. Anyway, it’s got to the point where I have had enough. But talking to her hasn’t worked, she closes up, won’t accept any help and I can’t live like this anymore.
I want to know how do I go about gaining full custody of my children, I do everything for them daily, get them up, dressed, to school, home, fed, showered, put them to bed. The only thing she does is pay the bills and the few hours on a Saturday. Her drinking is becoming a real problem, 2 sometimes 3 bottles of wine a night, or the cheap cider 3L bottles. We don’t have a lot of money so this causes a big strain on finances also.
I know once I start the ball rolling regarding divorce she will make things incredibly hard for me as she’s that type of 'spiteful' person. If it was the other was round she would kick me out and that’s that. But because she’s the mother it doesn’t seem that easy.
Can anyone help me please; I’m lost at where to turn next.
Sorry for Rambling on.
It's sounds like you've had it really hard! Have you talked to your wife re the concerns you have over her drinking & asked her to seek help from AA or somewhere similar? If you are just wanting to seek seperation it's probably good to start asking yourself some questions about how you would evidence being able to support your kids, if you got custody but don't work. Also, it would be good for you to keep a record of your concerns of your wife e.g. the drinking. If you are thinking of seperating & seeking custody, will you want a solicitor to represent you or will you want to represent yourself.
Hi and welcome
My ex was an alcoholic (probably still is) so I know where you are coming from.
One thing I didn't try until long after the divorce, but I would recommend as a first step, is to go along to Al-anon - they meet regularly and is a support group for people affected by (ie living with, related to etc) alcoholics. It really is quite an eye opener - I thought I knew my ex after 12 years of marriage (plus a couple of years before that) but it helps you to understand more. Worth a shot for a couple few weeks.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
