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Hi all,
I am a researcher at Oxford University doing a new project looking at how fathering has changed since the 1970s. This is partly about what people (partners, family, friends, society) expect from dads, and partly about what dads do with and for their kids (compared to what they did in the past). I'm going to be doing some interviews with dads, granddads and mums from the same family (I'm going to be advertising for volunteers on the forum soon, so if you're interested then please watch this space), but I'd also really like to get your opinions before I do.
I have a lot of different questions, like:
- Where do people's ideals and expectations about being a dad come from?
- Do dad's face external pressure to do certain things, act in certain way?
- Have people's ideas about what makes a good father changed since the 70s? And if they have, why?
- Is it easier to be a dad today it was in the 70s - or was it easier then?
but you don't have to stick to them. Any comments on how you feel being a dad has changed over the last 40 years would be very welcome.
If you have any views on this subject, please start a discussion here or contact me at julia.griggs@socres.ox.ac.uk . All emailed comments will be treated in strictest confidence, and any names given will be changed.
Thanks so much for your help,
Julia
Thanks Bayard,
I've heard similar things from some of the of the younger dad's I've spoken to informally about the project. Perhaps not scared as such, but that there was a sort of distance there, and in some cases a lack of physical affection.
Totally agree with that Bayard, my dad was in the army and later on became a prison officer. We were scared stiff of him, absolutely terrified.
I'd hate to think of my kids having that kind of fear of me.
What's interesting is now that my dad has 7 grand kids (including 3 step-grand kids), he is totally different. They totally run riot (not mine I have to add!! 🙂 ) and he just lets them get on with it.
I much prefer this version of my dad......
My Dad was the preverbial "Career man" never at home, never spent any time with kids and there was no emotion or love in the family. My mum stayed at home as that was the done thing.
When he did watch me play sport he would criticise, when he saw my homework he would correct it and at parents evening he would pick up on any negative comment.
He was a success in his career, but he now knows what he missed out on - he too is trying to make up for it with his grand-children and whilst it is great for them part of me wishes I had had that attention!
My mother said that my father felt he wasn't at home enough for us (he did work long hours - but he was providing for the family). Thing is, I never felt that I missed out on him - I remember all of the good times, and don't remember their being any bad times. I think he was pleased how we turned out. I had a very happy childhood, and it left a big hole when my father died.
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