Hi - I welcome advice/ thoughts on my current predicament -
I am dad to 2 children and I met someone over a 18 months ago and they have 2 children too. Last Xmas, my partner spent Xmas with her Ex-husband and children as that is what the children wanted. I did not see mine on Xmas day but had them boxing day on my own.
This year, I have my kids Xmas day but I am confident that my partners 2 children will want the same as last year. I struggle to understand and accept this as we have been together for a period of time and see us a new family unit but clearly my partner does not. I don't want to accept kids but there are others to think about. My kids would love to spend it with everyone but I don't foresee that happening.
I welcome advice/ thoughts or if anyone has experienced similar challenges - would love to chat to you.
There are other concerns around different aspects but welcome open thoughts.
Thank you
Alf
Hey alf and welcome.
I sympathise with you on this, whilst it's good to let the children have an opinion on Xmas, these are adult decisions and the children should not be burdened with the responsibility of them.
IMO it can't be healthy for your partner's children to spend Xmas this way, it might give them false hope of a reconciliation. Is there any way they could spend some of the day with their Dad and some of the day with you, your partner and your children? Failing that, would your partner consider having the children with her on Xmas Day and they go to their Dad on Boxing Day - I've based that on assuming you have alternate Xmas Days with your children and it might be nice to have this in sync?
Hi there,
I can understand why you are feeling torn with this, I can get why your partners children would want to see their dad on Christmas day, but not why your ex would want to be there too.
As already suggested maybe part of the day with you ane your partner and then your partners children go to see their dad, that way at least you get some time all together. It often is the case though as with your child that christmas is alternated, and one year its christmas day and the next its boxing day and this works well in most cases.
I would discuss this with your partner and aske if you could try the alternate christmas this year, where the children only spend boxing day with their dad and christmas day with you, then next year swap around and you have them boxing day. I know your partner probably won't like the idea of the of not seeing her children on christmas day though so I think that will be your biggest issue.
Good luck and if we can offer any more advice just ask.
GTTS
Thanks for the replies -
I have approached and tried but ultimately, xmas is about the kids and thats important.
I fought hard to see my kids, get a contact order in place and have regular access. My partner and I are trying to merge 2 famalies as one and boy is it tough on everyone - Its just under 2 years therefore maybe still too sore for some and so may need to give more time.
My partner wants to be there because her kids are - any excuse to see them whether thats at school, activities or her ex husband place as she misses them and finds it hard being away.
I was unfortunate in terms of not seeing my kids for a period of time, which almost killed me - I am fortunate to have gone through this process and come out the other end a stronger person and Dad. I guess that has helped.
Its tough bringing things to fruitiation with some many variables - I so wish there was a guardian angel to help but there isnt therefore all i can go by is my kids thoughts and feelings as well as mine.