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[Solved] Casual relationship turned serious

 
sean25
(@sean25)
Eminent Member Registered

Hi people,

I've been seeing this girl on and off for about the last 18 months. The relationship has always been casual, and there have even been a couple of times I thought we had ran our course and we would never see each other again, and there would be up to three months of a break. We always somehow ended up meeting again to spend the night together.

We started hooking up again a few months ago. In that time we've only spent perhaps four or five nights together. However, after one of the last nights, something changed. The sex between us has always been absolute fire, which is why I believe we always came back to each other, but after that night the intimacy level between us skyrocketed. Something switched and solidified our connection to more than just casual.

We spoke about this feeling, and discovered it was mutual, and left it at "let's see how it goes" rather than rush into any decision making. The thing is, I now know I really want her to be my girlfriend.

But now what it feels like, is that she seems to be doing push-pull on me lately. She'll send me a snap or text, I'll respond, she won't respond, sometimes she'll respond, sometimes she won't, and so on and so forth. It feels like I've ended up in the situation where I'm the chaser. Which is extremely interesting to me because..

With me being a student of psychology, I know exactly what is going on in my head. However, whilst I'm fully conscious of why I feel the way I do, it's not something I can just turn off, because I fancy her like crazy. It's good to know the how and why of the situation though, so I can self-analyse.

The funny part is, this is a chick who didn't show up to see me one night earlier in the year and I was like "ok then madam, I won't be bothering with you again" and yet here I am on the polar opposite side of that idea.

I could also be overthinking it. I mean it's Christmas and she's a single mum with 3 kids and was/is obviously busy, but if she's trying to make me want her more, it's really working. I'm starting to get concerned about the possibility of another guy having got her attention and it's making me feel jealous. Of course, it would be none of my business, but it would hurt, because the less attention she gives me (which is becoming less) the more I want her. She posted a snap last night of her having boxing night drinks, I think (hope) at her sisters house and I felt butterflies and my heart beating faster at how beautiful she looked, and the worry of someone else getting her attention.

For full disclosure, I am actively seeing another girl too. Neither know of the other, but no-one is being deceived, since everything is casual. However, I'm willing to be a one woman man to my main lady.

At the minute I'm just trying my best not to turn into something ugly; a little needy whiney b***h. I don't want to text anything stupid like "you seem so distant lately" or any of that nonsense. Instead I think I'm going to do the opposite and go radio silence. Perhaps she's just getting Christmas over with and she'll get back to me, or perhaps not. At least either way I'll know.

Anyone got any happy thoughts or ideas for me please?

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 28/12/2020 4:20 pm
Mercury Dad
(@Mercury Dad)
New Member Registered

Good for you there, found someone and all's good

But...the physical fools our minds as our bodies fill with happiness after sex, that's how we move from casual to serious. See how she feels at your next encounter and what she sees you as, maybe you want more and she cant commit to that but lusts for you regardless, which sounds like what this is, why isn't she making time for you both?? She is enjoying her independance

There's always one that got away but don't let it get in the way of whats in front of you, your other lady may be more into you than you realise.

sound like i know what i'm talking about..

good luck all the same

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Posted : 19/01/2021 9:40 pm
sean25
(@sean25)
Eminent Member Registered

I told told her over text one Sunday a few weeks ago when I'd had a few drinks that I want her more than I want anyone else, and asked her if she'd met someone else.

She said she hasn't met anyone else, but that she didn't want to be serious with anyone at the minute.

It's almost comical that I'm a qualified student of human behaviour yet I went and lead myself down the path of no return with this girl, despite me knowing better. My attraction and increasingly strengthening feelings for her came to the point where I made the mistakes I should not have made. My heart overruled my head.

Generally when people say they just don't want to be serious with anyone right now, what they really mean is not with you. Harsh, but 99% of the time it's true. I've even been the one saying this many times to various girls I was seeing, whilst the truth was that I'm always open if the right girl came along, but no-one is ever that honest in those circumstances now, are they.

I believe she's almost certainly getting attention elsewhere. She's a very attractive blonde so there's no doubt about that. The last time we text was last Thursday when I asked if she was free on Friday night. She said she actually might be free that evening for a few hours. I told her cool let me know and I'll come and collect you. She never got back to me. She was also free all weekend as her kids go to the father once a month. Meaning she was doing whatever with whoever, and it wasn't me. It's almost like she's making it clear without saying anything.

Although we aren't friends on Facebook, her relationship status has went from "single" to "no relationship info to show".

I realised the other day that I haven't actually seen her in 2 months. So I've obviously decided that as much as it hurts and I hate having to let go and move on from a girl when I feel so strongly about them, it needs to be done. I will not contact her again. If she contacts me on Snapchat (our usual method) I won't reciprocate, whereas I'd normally compliment her or whatever.

I decided at the turn of the month it's gotta be total radio silence... Not to try and get a response or anything, just that there's no point chasing anymore. It may make her come back some day, it may not, but I'm just gunna proceed with life regardless.

I think if she was going through some things I’d understand her wanting space, but if you’re into someone, you don’t reduce and then cut contact with them, no matter how hard you’ve got it. You still communicate, because well, you’re into them.

It may not be over forever, and arguably nothing existed in the first place for anything to BE over, as we’ve never been exclusive, but if she was off seeing someone else and decided to come back to me at some point, I think I’d feel some pretty strong resentment for both her and whoever she was with. In fact the idea gives me those feelings now.

Just trying not to get spiritually angry with her at the minute. I sort of feel like "You little b*tch!".. although that could maybe help get over her

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Topic starter Posted : 04/02/2021 11:18 pm
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