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I have been divorced for over 10 yrs now and during this time my daughter has lived with her mother. her mother is "parent with care" etc etc, but i am not aware of any residency order being made.
She has decided she wants to live with me now, following months of arguements with her mother, she was unceremoniously dumped on the doorstep last week by her mother, following an arguement, with her mother " instructing " me that she was staying with me that night.
one night has ended up being 5 so far, my daughter doesnt want to go to her mothers, but her mother is threatening "action" to get her to return home
She is 14 in sept 2013.
can someone please advise on where i stand legally.
As you were married and are on the birth certificate you have Parental Responsibility. My advice would be to call the police and explain the situation, ask them what they would do if your ex contacted them and ask them to call round and speak to your daughter so that her wishes are on record as her mother is threatening action of some kind.
As your daughter is 14 where she wants to live will carry a lot of weight if your ex decides to go to court. Its always better to avoid court though so perhaps you might like to consider trying something like Relate or Mediation, your daughter is old enough to be involved in the discussions. Here's a link to both services.
www.relate.org
www.nfm.org.uk
Thanks for your advice, I have done as suggested, and thankfully there have been no issues with her mother, other than wanting my daughter to return to her.
the situation is still the same and she has remained living with me.
I have had to kit her out with clothes, toiletries etc, as she came with the clothes on her back.
Obviously I dont mind paying for all that, I do however begrudge paying CSA at the sum of £317 a month, to her mother direct from my salary ( I work for local authority).
I have contacted them and informed them of the changes, however when they have contact my Ex, she has denied this, so my payments remain.
they did tell me that it would normally fall on the side of the parent who receives the child benefit, which clearly she does.
I have therefore applied for this, trying to remove her mother from this.
I am concerned that if she still refuses to reliquish the child benefit, i am caught between a rock and a hard place.
Does anyone know how to prove to the BA or CSA that my daughter is living with me?
You've done the right thing by applying for the Child Benefit, you may also be able to claim working family tax credit and maybe some council tax credit too...I'm not 100% sure but it would be easy enough to check. The CAB would helpyou with this.
If she lies about where your daughter is living then this is fraud and you would call the benefit office and report this, it might be better to remind the mother that she is now claiming fraudulently and if she doesn't do the right thing and tell the truth you will have no other option but to report her.
You could also consider going to see your MP, they usually run local surgeries, they are very good at getting involved and would contact the CSA on your behalf. You could take your daughter with you so that the MP knows that the change of circumstances is true.
Perhaps you could talk to the payroll department and see if there is any way that you can stop the payments from your end, I seem to remember reading about this somewhere.
The problem you face is that as far as the BA are concerned, it's not a permanent situation at the moment, especially with your ex considering action to get her back. I wonder whether it's worth applying for a residence order to make it so - I think it would be good to get other's opinion on here first, as because there are no issues with your ex and your daughter, aside the argument, I'm not sure about the chances of success.
Write down what exactly occurred when you ex brought your daughter around - in 6 months time you may have forgotten some of the details, and it may be useful for your daughter to do the same - it may not be needed, but it's worth doing now in case it is.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
