[Solved] Estranged families

My wife's sister hates me. Apparently it dates back to some imagined slight years ago.

The sad thing is I actually like her and have no problem with her at all. It is all one way on the hatred thing.

Personally would love a chance to clear the air with her but she seems dead set on disliking me. So much so that she still addresses any post to my wife by her maiden name (we have been married over 10 years and a couple for many years more).

This means that I have avoided family do's with my wifes side of the family for years because I would feel awful being the cause of bad feeling and any sort of scene being caused. I'm not sure if this exacerbates the problem or not.

I'm quite an easy guy to get on with and fairly non-judgemental so am mystified as to how I have upset her so.

I would advise you to learn from my mistake and try to clear the air. Don't let things linger. The longer it goes on the harder it is to rectify. Not talking about an issue doesn't make it go away - it just festers.

I would give anything to be able to change how my wife's sister feels about me and turn the clock back.

Hi BabelFish - good to see you on here 🙂

Is there nothing your sister can do to help? Probably try to teach granny to suck eggs in suggesting this though.

Hi actd,

thank you nice to be seen on here.....

Nah, tried that one - she won't have it, anyways this was about skins problem not mine. I have come to terms with the fact that the sister in law would rather gargle acid than talk to me.......

... the sister in law would rather gargle acid than talk to me.......

have you suggested that? :whistle:

Hi and thanks for your replies.

For the short term we have just left it for a couple of weeks - but I spoke to my wife last night about trying to sort it our with my brother and she is still as raw as ever. She is willing to speak to him, and he with her, but I fear that it will very quickly descend into a slanging match as both can be pretty stubborn and have a a whole raft of other issues going on in their lives at the moment. Part of me just wants some closure and if they have it out and decide they cant be in the same room with each other, then at least it will be out in the open and we can start to deal with it - pretty [censored] though!. The anxiety around the situation is really getting me down. If I was better at dealing with my axiety I might have a better outlook on it, but im really worries about a future where we have to avoid each other.

BabelFish - how have you dealt with 10 years of animosity? I know you said you avoided family get together but that must have been really hard.

Thanks

Pete

My son recently recommended to a friend that she ought to write a letter to her sister with whom
she had a disagreement.
Once the letter was written she should put it aside and sleep on it.
If by the next day she still felt the same she could send it but she may discover that
she wants to change some things she had written.
For what it's worth I thought that was good advise.

Good luck.

Kirsten

... the sister in law would rather gargle acid than talk to me.......

have you suggested that?

😆

BabelFish - how have you dealt with 10 years of animosity? I know you said you avoided family get together but that must have been really hard.

Skins, it has been hard. Watching the wife and kid go off for her family parties, meals and events and me staying at home.
I have dared to attended a couple of events but have been hiding away in a dark corner to avoid causing a scene. It's also been hard on my wife - who would much rather have her husband attend with her.

It's not good - trust me, if you can try to clear the air between them then do so. They are both adults so they should be able to forgive (if not forget) - the problem in my case is that one of us is not an adult more like a teenager (and it's not me btw :whistle: ). For your sake and the sake of your child the two of them need to find a way to get on - not be best mates just get on.

Might be a daft suggestion but what about having them both attend some sort of mediation or a relate?

Someone who is impartial and can arbitrate.

Dave