[Solved] Getting back on the scene!

I'm terrible at the small talk, but still managed somehow (still don't know how). She might be in exactly the same situation as you - perhaps go and do something completely off the wall with her, or see if there is something she's always wanted to do that you can do together.

I have to say I’m no good at going up to someone and starting a conversation with them….be it in a bar or club etc…
I’m rubbish at reading body language and quite honestly hate the thought of being rejected and then laughed at by her friends…..

I’m in my 40’s now and it feels more difficult now than it was when I was in my teens and my 30’s (my late teens, 20’s and in to my 30’s I was in a 14yr relationship). So in all honesty dating was not really something I’ve had much experience of.

I’ve found using a dating site has made chatting with women a lot easier for me….finding things in common and what each other like has made meeting and talking with the women a whole lot easier. Its just how honest the people I’ve met have been….call me shallow but a guy’s idea of average is not the same as a woman’s idea of average lol

I’ve met a few nice women and two in particular in the last two years that I’d wished I’d had all my ex and contact problems sorted out before I’d met them….they couldn’t understand why my ex was how she was and it caused a bit of doubt….ah well…their loss!

I was actually thinking of going along to one of those singles nights, but having no single friends and the taken friends not willing to be seen at one I’d feel way to self-conscious walking in to a place on my own.

I’m not pinning all my hopes on finding “the one” on a dating site anytime soon but you never know I could bump in to her in the shop.

I think ACTD is right, she may feel the same but not know what your thinking. I'm not sure if i'm right but I'm guessing she works in the coffee shop.

If that is the case ask her to recomend a different drink, along the lines of what would you have off the menu, then the next time you can say how you liked it, and maybe ask her to join you for one, on a day off.

If she doesn't work there try the same but it would be easier for her to join you.

It sounds easy when you type it, but in reality I wouldn't be able to find the courage to do it either.

Dating sites are great for building your confidence though, don't take it too seriously though and espect to get knocked back and also to have to do the knocking bac until you find anyone halfway near good enough to see a 2nd time.

I used on line for a good time, met some great people (and ended up marrying one of them) and some really dodgy ones too.

GTTS

I met my wife on a dating site - I was very honest about myself, and also what I wanted from a marriage/relationship so I may have scared off a few candidates, and I also turned down some who I felt just weren't right for me. When the right one came along, we'd chatted a bit online, and then on the telephone before we ever met, and it worked very well (obviously, since we are married)

Denny, I hate to admit it but my Nan was right, knowing and earning the respect of a girl before anything happens is a [censored] good way to a good relationship.

My current gf is a lady i've known for nine months and been dating for two. We became firm friends and when it came down to going out she already knew enough about my character to know that- as Dad-i-d refers to, stuff from my ex is just plain mental.

Indeed, my relationship breakup and the problems my ex has started since have been a massive positive in many ways. When my ex tries to wind me up I just remember that everything she has done will make my life better. I only get a maximum of two minutes a day hassle from her, when we were together she could make this last for [censored] days. The kids too, they have my house as their true home and their respite from what she does and says to them, before we were stuck in with her when she'd drink etc.

So use your bad times well. When you chat to ladies remember that you are a proven strong character and take confidence from this. My current gf is a Doctor, well off, absolutely lovely and 10/10 in the looks dept! Even though we share the same music likes, both hate soaps, get on brilliantly well, have interesting conversations etc ten years ago I wouldn't have gone for her, thinking that she was out of my league. Due to my problems with my ex I now know that i'm an awesome person who always puts the kids first and that i'm a real catch!