Hi,
So I need a little support, as you can see it's not a new thing. My partner is in her third trimester, all of a sudden she hates my family. She doesn't want them to have anything to do when our baby is born in December, blaming it on the lockdown. She's saying that once our baby is born she doesn't want my family to see her until lockdown is better.
However, she is allowing her nan to see our baby, and her mum's mates. How is this fair? And she's saying to me it's stressing her out us having an argument over it? How does that work.. My family have done nothing to that girl, buy her baby stuff etc.
It all started when I went out to dinner with my family and her and her mum. My family got funny with my girlfriend's mother because my gf mother put salt in my drink, My nan said it was too far, and obviously my girlfriend said she was just having a joke.
From then on, my girlfriend has just been funny about coming over etc. What do I do in this situation, I already been in a similar situation a few years ago with my ex, we broke up after having the baby.
Now my girlfriend has told me that if family are going to get in the way, she's thinking about doing it on her own etc. But it's so stupid. All because I told her I want my family to see our daughter once she's born..
For any of you who doesn't know, this is what happened about two weeks ago on a different topic
https://www.dad.info/forum/any-questions/52918-finance-issues-stepmum
I think this is very common behaviour from the mother, but can be toxic on the relationship and the constant treading on eggshells trying to manage it.
From my perspective their was a change to the dynamic of our relationship when the baby was born. Of course the baby becomes the most important & challenging thing, particularly when first born. I found suddenly what I thought or wanted did not matter so much, because it became for her to make the decisions and I was considered not capable, or deserving or something!
This translated to my parents, suddenly if they offered anything, did anything or even said anything, they were wrong. Her mother was involved and welcomed, my parents were shunned. But of course it isnt done openly, no arguments with them, it is done by stealth and it is up to the Father to try and cover it up, or manage it somehow.
It became a real issue, but one we didnt talk about. It was there all of the time, hence the treading on eggshells comment trying to manage it.
My advice is to talk to her about it, say you believe you need to address it now, to stop it becoming a big issue and to ask her how she would like to manage it. Otherwise I do believe it can become corrosive.