[Solved] I dont know what to do.....

Stick with her until your children are old enough to understand and make there own decisions about who they want to see, live with and when.

I was in exactly the same position as you and I opted to end our relationship.

The lasts 2 years have been an absolute nightmare as I have been battling to spend and get quality time with my beautiful daughter, it's worse when the new fella moves in and then starts building relationship with your children.

I'm the happiest I have been in 12 years now I'm no longer with he ex, but all that happiness and relief is destroyed by the fact I'm constantly battling with my ex for contact with my daughter.

In hindsight I would have stuck it out and been miserable with the ex just so I can be in my daughters life full time I love her so much.

Just my 2 pence worth but I'm sure like me you will love your children more than you will love anyone else so it's better to stick with the wife just to be with your children.

It's so hard pal. I have been where you are right now. It took me 18 months to find the courage and strength I needed to leave.
When I did I felt like I left my kids not my wife. It sounds bad but 3 and a half years on I can honestly say that I have not missed her once. However, the pain of leaving my kids ( even though I have seen them 2 or 3 times a week since the day I left) feels like it will never leave me. If I'm honest it really affected my mental health. My kids are fine as they were only around 18 months and 2 and a half when I left, they can not remember me living with them which is a blessing. Not one day goes by though that I am not riddled with guilt for leaving them. My ex has a new bloke who spends more time with my kids than i do. . . . .that is the hardest thing in the world to get your head round. Both me and my ex sat down at different stages during the last 18 months of the relationship to try and sort out and repair our relationship but the harder we tried the worse it got. I can honestly say that I tried everything in my power to make it work but some things are just not meant to be.. . . my advice would be to get a baby sitter to have the kids for a night. Sit down and tell her what you think the problems are in your reationship. give yourselves time periods and set goals within your relationship. Please try as hard as possible to make things work, then if it doesnt when you have done all you can, that is when you need to make a decision. Be prepared for a rough ride pal. It's not easy. The financial side of things is nothing compared to going from full time dad to part time dad. I just signed the lot over to my ex. New house, contents and a car. All I walked away with was the joint loan. I did this to keep things normal for my kids. People have said I was crazy and I should have taken half of everything but that was and is my 2 sons home. I couldnt take that away from them. Good luck mate, sounds like you are going to need it.

Have you though of trying something like Relate, they are really experienced in helping couples through breakdown or break up of relationships. If you could get things back on track that would be good but they will also help you both get a better perspective of how to move forward if a break up is the only way forward. If you both put the children at the centre of things and agree that you are equally responsible for their well being then it would help whatever you decide. Here's a link -

www.relate.org

I too am in a very similar boat that is sinking fast. I have been with my partner for 10 years and she has two kids from her first marriage who are 16 and 14 I have no children from my first marriage

But we have a 4 year Old daughter together and that is really where the problems started we never discussed having kids But didn't rule it out either she discovered she was pregnant at 6 months it kinda didn't come as much of a surprise to me (Apart from the 6 months bit) I had pretty much thought for a couple of months she was but I think she was in some kind of denial as it took ages to pursuade her to go to the doctors and of course at that stage it was too late to do anything about it although both of us said we would not have terminated it anyway. I have always wanted a Blonde Blue Eyed Girl and that is exactly what I got and she is gorgeous we had no idea what we were having until she was born as she was never able to be properly scanned as she was hiding at the back.

Over the 4 years our relationship has steadily got worse We own our own Mail order Vegetable plant Business and I have done my best over the 4 years to help out as much as I can and spend as much time as I can with my daughter and the other kids But my works takes up a lot of time especially in the summer months and I have had to do more of it myself with Sarah cutting back her involvement in the business too look after our daughter.

My relationship with her son is strained at times as he has Aspergers and can be a real [censored] at times and he takes it out on me and his mum we have had Police involvement the works I even dad Dads parenting classes to cope with it all And her daughter has her moments as well but that is more teenage hormones

But despite that I am apparently a terrible father, spend no time with my daughter, didn't help enough when she was little, I am moody and shout all the time, Spend no time doing family things etc etc

Now if I am like that it is because of the way she is treating me But she just cant see it. She is not overly maternal (unless your saying anything about her kids) says there the bane of her life she doesn't have a life her life is cook clean look after kids her life is over etc etc

Aparently because I am self employed and work from home I am supposed to do more (only because she doesn't want to do it herself) Because I am there I should be cooking looking after the kids etc never mind I am working and doing it all my own because I have no help. She does not get that if i worked for someone full time I would not be there to do the things I do do

It feels to me that she never really wanted kids and just as she thought she was nearing the end i have saddled her with another one and I feel that is what she is punishing me for

I thought about 14 months ago we had turned a corner we seemed to get really close again and were having great [censored] then all of a sudden I was banished to sleeping down stairs and that is where I have been ever since for just over a year I can't even remember now why I went downstairs to sleep I think it was because she kept letting our daughter in bed with us and it was keeping me awake and I can't function on no sleep now she is getting no sleep as our daughter is in bed with her all the time which is apparently my fault because of all the tension I cause funny that when she is the one that starts on me the minute she gets up (oh i forgot she is tired) She is at her happiest when we are sleeping together and being intimate But that is not even on the radar at the moment she practically hates my guts.

And I really don't know what it is all about I am sure I am not that bad a dad

When she was a baby I changed her nappies, fed, dressed her etc when ever I could and was around to do so I took the other two up to the school bus every day and picked them up most days I cooked when I could, I was there for practically every bath time and bed time. since she has been older I have taken her too and picked up from pre-school every single day apart from twice in 2 years leaving my work to do so .I do as much for her as my times allows I take my daughter out nearly every Saturday just the two of us But it is still not enough If that means I am a bad father then well I give up.

The first eight years were great we went through some serious ups and downs But nothing fazed us not even loosing £40,000 of business stuff during a move from Scotland to Cornwall.

But the one thing I always wanted my little girl has cost me my sole mate and I don't know why or what to do about it she has changed my partner but not in a good way and the problem is the more my partner winds me up the more I take it out on the kids not nastily just shouting more and being grumpy.

I cant just walk away I don't want to leave or loose my daughter and I am tied with the business we co-own althougn we are trying to sell our main business to develop another easier business that will give me more time.

I don't agree with just walking away, or sticking with it until the children are old enough. At the stage you are both at, I think it's still worth trying to work at, or rekindle the relationship - there's nothing badly wrong, it's just not right, and that's different. It may be that your partners are thinking the same way, so talking about it may be the start.

I agree with actd. I am of the opinion that if you cannot work it out e.g relate, or re kindle your love for one another. After exhausting every avenue to sort things out, why stay together until the kids are old enough? Why spend years together with the wrong person, feeling regret,resentment,sadness, depression to name a few. I left my ex in 2009, stupidly I knew the day I married him I made a mistake. Stupidly I stayed with him and had his children. I was miserable, I tried everything to try and work things out. We have been divorced 4 yrs, he is getting re married again next yr(I'm hopeful he will stop bullying me when he does). I have had two relationships post divorce but to be honest, having been single for the past 18 months I prefer it! I believe that when the time is right I will meet someone lovely, in the mean time I will concentrate on my kiddiwinks. I have got my career back on track, a social life, happy kids, fab friends, fab family, life is great : )) Think long and hard over this. Write down the things you love about your wife, how you met etc. Perhaps it is stress,tiredness,depression. These need to be addressed? We live in a throw away society, divorces are too easy these day's! Take time out to holistically assess your situation x