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basically ill give you guys the jist of things. me and my mrs have got two boys one is nearly 2 and the other is nearly 1. i work 4 twelve hour shifts in a row with 3 days off. my mrs doesent work.
im soooo tired all the time as im always workng hard, i cant ever get any rest becasue she bugs me constantly if i lie down. she begrudges me any sleep in the day. yet she refuses to get a job so i can cut my hours a little. and she spends most of the money on herself and tells me to work more hours. i feel as if im being worked into the ground. i havent had a night out in years and i sacrafice everything for my kids. my work is starting to suffer as a result.
iv tried telling her how i feel but she just goes off on one claiming that she has it really hard. but she manages to sleep in the day in addition to the guaranteed 8 hours she gets every night.
next problem. here family claim that im a bad father and a waste of space, . ( despite the fact that i provide for them fourfold) my mrs tells me that she doesent agree with them, yet she is constantly with them when im at work. surely if she loved me then she would at least correct them.
next problem, she has to fall out with every single one of my friends for no sound reason.
can anyone offer any advice please lads. i want things to work but im absolutely nackered with nowhere to turn. especially as iv had about 20 hours sleep total the last 3 days and about to star my 4th shift on.
Hi and welcome
I would say that this is a situation that can really only be resolved by talking. Try to get some time alone with your Mrs. - go out for a meal or something and tell her that you need her to help you. If you wish, we can ask someone from Relate to come on and give some advice - would that help?
I'm new mate but sounds like she wants a bit too much. I'm considering getting out of my relationship sounds like you might need to do the same. Best of luck either way and dont let her wind you up and then use it as a stick to beat you with either. Good luck. Robert.
It sounds as if you are really having some challenges talking to your wife about how you feel. It seems as if she has a very different view of what responsibilities you have and what she has. If you are really unhappy and want to make your relationship work, write down how you feel. Make a list of what is upsetting you. Try not to blame your wife, but explain on your list why it is not working for you. List the things about her family as all and how you feel about the kids. Also write down the good things you have together (there must be some). To make her feel that you aren’t making this too one sided, think about the things she does to support you.
When you are ready to talk to your wife, ask someone to babysit for you. Say that you need some time together and take her out somewhere quiet. Somewhere where you can talk. Not a pub. If you can’t think of somewhere, go for a walk with her. It doesn’t have to be far. If you can’t get someone to babysit, then try to find somewhere quiet at home away from the kids. If she asks why you need to talk to her, be honest with her and say you need some time and space to talk to her about your relationship with her. When you are ready, ask her just to listen to what you have to say first. Say that you would like to let her know how you feel about your relationships with her. Ask her not to interrupt you, as she can ask questions afterwards. Try not to get upset or angry when talking to her. When you have finished, listen to what she has to say as well. If this doesn’t work, you might need to talk this through with someone who can help you both to work through your issues together.
I can also see that you feel that you are being bullied into doing something that you don’t want to do. If you feel that your wife has no respect for you, list the reasons why you would like to stay with her and the reasons that you don’t. Then put them in order of importance - what is most important to you and what is important to her. This can become something that you can talk to your wife about as well. If the things that are important to you differ from hers, then think about whether you can both live your lives together. Another thing to think about is whether you love her. Do you know whether she still loves you? If she does love you, I wonder why she isn’t listening to you.
If you are struggling to work this out with her, you might like to see someone at Relate. Why not give Relate a call on 0300 100 1234 to make an appointment or visit the Relate website for more hints. You can also drop another line here if you wish.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
