I'm 31. My long term girlfriend (26) (7years together ) and mother to my 2 children (5&4) kicked me out this time last week. Contact with the children consisted of me coming over to her place (we/she lives with her mum) and putting the kids to bed as I always did when we were together. The problem started the Saturday. I had the kids all day out and and at at my parents where I'm now staying. I took the kids back expecting to put them to bed as per. Her mother was going out. She works nights at a local pub. I was expected to sit in their house for 5+ hours while my ex worked. Normally her mum does this since I was got rid of. I refused. Now I am being accused of refusing my responsibility to my children and am no longer allowed to come and put them to bed. I didn't want to be used as a babysitter. Please tell me I did the right thing because I think I did but I'm riddled with doubt after being told over and over I was in the wrong. Please help I'm confused enough with out this
Hello Ginger in the uk,
Understandably it is a confusing time for you.
You say you were "kicked" out of the home and yet expected to stay on a specific night when it suited your Ex and mother in law. Under those circumstances I can understand why you refused particularly if you were not asked to do this beforehand and if it was taken for granted you would babysit without there being prior arrangements made and agreed between the two of you. Who looked after the children that night?
You both have two children to care for and this type of situation must be avoided in the future. The children must take priority and it is vital you and your Ex sit down together and talk in a calm and sensible way and come to an agreement as to when you can have contact with your children.
Avoid conflict with her and be amicable. The children need you, their Father in their lives and you need them. I think if you write a brief letter to her (take a 'photo copy and keep it) or email asking if you can both meet somewhere neutral to talk about child arrangements it would be better than 'phoning as it would avoid the possibility of getting side tracked into discussing other issues and possibly arguing.
Hi There,
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I agree that you shouldn't have been expected to have stayed and looked after them, but that said, I think I would have and then used that as a starting point for possible overnight contact at your mus (if that's possible of course) I know it's hard but the more amicable you can be towards your ex, no matter how hurt and angry you feel the better it will be all round and especially for your children.
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I think meeting in a nutural placen and discussing things would be a good idea, cover the children and how you move forward, you could start by saying sorry (even if your not) as this would hopefully set the conversation off better.
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GTTS
have a read of this and see if you can get a parenting plan in place https://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation
I understand where you are coming from however, it isnt babysitting if they are your own children. Maybe see if you can chat to mum and if she will allow you to keep the children at your mums house on the evenings she works then return them to school/back to hers in the morning.
Emotions are bound to be high at the moment following your recent seperation but its important for the kids benefit to establish a good routine that works for everyone.
If you have somewhere suitable to have the children to stay overnight, why not suggest they stay there with you on nights she is working? I can appreciate that you might feel taken advantage of but think of the longer term. If you wanted the children to stay overnight, she refused, but then left them with their grandmother whilst out at work, you would be annoyed at that, yes? Maybe use this to your advantage and see the positive here? If she is working nights at a pub, that's a perfect reason to begin overnight contact with you?
I only advise you to spend more time with them as much as you can because they need a family and this situation is a stress for your children.
Post is over 4 years old
You can share this problem with your wife because she is very near to your kids and You can help to choose right jobs for your wife.