[Solved] relationship with teenage daughters > seperation

Personally I think time is the healer, teenage daughters ......ewww! I mean you could approach her when it is the wrong time of the month too...and that will not help her or you. I think you should text them both the same message, that you would like to talk to them both, that you understand their upset and that you don't want to upset them any more than they are, but that when ready to talk about it, to come to you. I would write it rather than text, but then I am old fashioned! 😆 However you feel best to deal with it.

But I am sure that there are a few on here who have teenage daughters that may be able to give you better advice as they have been through it. 🙂

Thank you, I agree. Funnily enough I composed two letters last night. Just reading through them a couple of times to check before posting.

Hi there,

Have you been able to speak to the mother about what's happening with your oldest daughter....I think it can be too simplistic to blame it on teenage anxt, think that the wrong time of the month is a no go area!

Your daughters are reacting differently because they are two different people with different personalities. If you think about this does that make sense....is the elder daughter the more sensitive of the two, was she closer to you and therefore perhaps more affected by the break up?

I think writing to them both is a good idea but if this doesn't help the situation I would think about approaching an agency like Relate to help. They are there to help families in just your position and they are child inclusive so would want to help you all go forward as a family, they have counsellor a that could help your daughter to weave a way through her hurt. Here's a link-

www.relate.org

It has only been 6 weeks, give it time and be patient with her.... She has to adjust to some big changes, her safe and secure world has been turned on its head and she will be feeling unsure and a little frightened about the future. Once she sees that her position is secure and she is loved and cherished just as much things should settle down.

Best of luck with it all

Thank you. You have hit the nail on the head. They are two different people and the eldest is the more sensitive one.
It is only 6 weeks, I am trying to be sensible and I didn't expect them to jump up and down with excitement when we split. I have stayed in touch by sending messages daily, but I wanted to give a more personal touch so have compiled a letter to each. I shall post it tomorrow. I am in touch with their mom and she has said that they are both hurting and dealing with it in their own way. She said in time they will come round.
I will give it a few more weeks/months yet before asking any steps or seeking help. Thank you for the relate idea, never thought of that one.
Thank you

It will be helpful if the girls can see you and the mother getting on, or at least being civil, despite the split, it will send the right message to them and will help to reassure them that you both have their best interests at heart.

Making the decision to end a long term relationship is so hard, especially when there are children involved, and it helps them not to be caught in any crossfire. They are old enough to have seen that you were both unhappy....when they see that you are both happier apart but that they still come first to both of you, they will be able to understand why it had to happen and hopefully will come to terms with it all.

Best of luck with it all.