[Solved] Separation imminent - Its all gone PeteTong

Hi

I think you'd have to speak to either the DWP or citizens advice bureau regarding the idea of becoming a landlord.

Is there any chance that you could work the relationship out with some help from Relate? It may be a matter of having a different perspective might help you both.

Hi there,

I think ACTD is right you need to seek legal advice about renting the house to her and also need to consider that if you become a landlord this will be looked apon as an income so will effect any benifits you may be entitled to.

I would cosider trying to resolve your issues using relate or similar to see if you are able to stay together in your home rather than break the family up.

Keep us posted and feel free to bounce any ideas off us.

Darren

Dear supportive people,
I was asked to leave the house "If you love your boys you would leave the house while plans are made without you" was her comments. I have been living on a mates floor now for a week and called my boys to say hello every too days which Jane allowed (thank you Jane your the best!) - sorry I am still quite hurt and it comes out in sarcasm.

After thinking through what the problems may be in the finest of detail - I came to conclusion that as I run my currently voluntary / business prep business (to get off these [censored] benefits) work from home, and she does not work - one of the issues is that I recognise we have been under each other feet and with the boys at home it would be more normal if I got up and went out each morning to carry on planning my way out of ESA - It would be also beneficial if Jane found some work too part time would be good.
Yes benefit trap issues but what is more important - our relationship or money?

I come to conclusions that Jane see money as more important as she beleives that this would give us more choice in life - but my business ideas are very small make note of Employment Support - there is none I do get the Benifit part - but not the support part to help me get a small business going as the first thing they do is remove housing allowences - the biggest part of our family income.

I came home with a suggestion as above - I go out - she goes out and we like most couples come home and "how was your day to day darling?" - she through the whole idea in may face and said dont worry she has sorted everything out and is moving out with the boys at the end of the month and needed to know if I was kicking her out before then or could I leave the house again because she does not want me in it while she and the boys are here.

So scrap the her staying idea or renting the house to her and the boys its all been miraculously sorted in five days while I have been on the floor giving her space.

I then suggested that this is not good for the boys - moving them out of the family home and said what do we need to do to stop this happening and that i would do what was needed - like we should go to relate - anger management (both of us have been angry lately - she is very firey especially when her thyroid is low.)

All i got was that there is nothing to discuss and she would prefer me to leave again.
I can not drag her to a session she will need to want to do this too.
Money - she wants not us as a family trying to resolve our differences to make a better environment for our boys - she now has the bit between her teeth and is going the whole way. She wants me to have a solicitor - I say why - she says to make arrangements for contact.
We had a holiday planned to drive to the Isle of Wight tomorrow - I said I would take the boys if she did not want to come - she said no I could not do that. I said I hope that if she no longer lives here with the boys that I would hope that they could be here when ever they want at most half the time - she said no way - weekends only.. this is all becoming too predictable for me - I will not go to court for some one to decide when my visitation rights are to see my boys - it does not sit right with me - I have never harmed my boys beyond parenting (tap the hand when trying to touch a fire for example - and off to your room for hitting each other etc..)
This situation is not going to improve - she is potentially setting up a situation which will scare my childing and scar them for a very long time as they grow.
Do I have to approach mediation? to get her to see some sense - as I know already that her acting skills will be award winning.
I do not think I can stomach all this.
thanks for listening. I need to get off the benefits and move my full efforts to offically launching my small business then sell the house and give her what she wants so that she can never come back to me with I was a b******d - and I just start all over - but as i said I just can not stomach someone telling me when and I can and I can not see my own boys
regards
H .

Hi

It's worth suggesting mediation to your wife to see if you can come to an arrangement over contact, but you have to be prepared to compromise - in any break up, neither parent is likely to have the same level of contact as they enjoyed prior to the split.